Have you ever noticed how many of our players can accomodate the arse? In their name, I mean.
Cesc Fabregarse, Andrei Arseshavin, Thomarse Vermaelen, Bacary Sagnarse, Nicklarse Bendtnarse, Lukarse Fabianski, Emmanuel Eboue. No, wait, he is an Arse. Still, quite something if you were to stop and think about it for a second. But not much more than that because any further time spent on it would make you realise just how trivial and unimportant it really was.
We’ll start this morning in a happy place, although it may well be a made-up happy place, which involves Patrick Vieira returning to Arsenal. Now, back on April 28th (towards the end) I hinted at the fact Paddy was one of the options, albeit one a bit down the list, for the position of Arsene’s number 2 should Pat Rice decide to retire.
Obviously that position is no longer vacant but wouldn’t it be something to bring a guy of the stature of Vieira in as a coach? There may not be too many left who played with him but his reputation is such he would command respect and nobody would question his authoritaaah. He might also be able to teach them a thing or two about winning, about what it takes, and about what mental strength really is. A recent Arseblog discussion involved people naming one former player (at their peak) they would add to this current team and the two main candidates were Tony Adams and Patrick Vieira. I haven’t counted, nor will I, but I’d say Vieira came out slightly on top.
As well as all that it’d be an acknowledgement that something needs to change in the back-room as well as the front office. We’ll move some of the typing pool on, bring in some new fangled wordprocessor operators, but if the management stay the same then perhaps those changes won’t have the impact we’d like. The manager’s message is mixed at the moment. From being ‘open’ to it, to more or less closing the door on it, but if Vieira wants a career in football once he’s retired then where better for him to have it? Bring him home, Arsene.
One of his first tasks, perhaps, would be to find Patrice Evra and kick his fat mouth in. The world’s gobbiest left-back has been talking about Samir Nasri and suggesting he needs to go to Man United to further his career. In an unbelievably poncey manner too:
If Samir comes, he has to know there is no room for mistakes. I have been at Manchester United for five years and I can’t remember how many trophies I have won … 13? 15?. So ‘Petit Prince’, if you want to be King, you know where you have to go.
Petit Prince? Petit Prince?! Right up there with ‘Capi’ for me. Honestly, if there’s such a thing as hell then Evra’s fiery eternity will be spent on a lumpy, pot-hole ridden football pitch, perpetually chasing a 50-50 pass with Ryan Shawcross coming from one side and Martin Taylor from the other. With Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle performing ‘Sussudio’ at a volume setting of 11. Which is one louder than 10.
What’s slightly worrying is that he’s even talking about this in the first place. Perhaps he’s just doing it as a wind-up but maybe Nasri’s agenty agent has been letting people the player would be open to such a move. Who knows? Either way, Evra’s very existence is what makes me want Barcelona to tear United a new one on Saturday night. Even if you joined together Alves, Mascherano and Busquets into a gigantic, multi-limbed cheating, peek-a-boo, Dive-a-tron 2000, I’d still prefer that hideous creature to win than Evra to feel any happiness whatsoever.
Did you know an anagram of Patrice Evra is ‘Crap rave tie’ and I bet if Evra went to a rave he’d wear a crap tie but go around telling everyone it was such a great tie but nobody would believe him simply because wearing a tie to a rave is crap in itself. So, in conclusion, shut up Evra, and please score an own goal at Wembley. Then get sent off. And then loaf of the ref.
Trevor Brooking has criticised Jack Wilshere for pulling out of the England U21 side for this summer’s European Championships, suggesting he could benefit from the experience of going to ‘a major championships’. Which all makes sense but clearly the U21s is not a ‘major championships’. So there. And stick that goal from 1980 up your hole, you stooping headerer.
Not much else going on so we ought now to go back in time, to this day in 1989, when this happened:
As the man said ‘An unbelievable climax to the league season’. Re-live it here. The sheer joy at that goal, made more joyous by the fact Thomas delayed his shot so much I still think a defender’s going to get a foot to it. Just awesome.
And on this anniversarial day it’s worth pointing you in the direction of the ‘Never in Doubt’ print on the Arseblog store, not many of these limited edition prints remain, capturing the final moments of that game and Peter Hill-Wood turning to David Dein after the goal went in, as calm as anything, and saying ‘Never in doubt’.
And because it’s all been a bit miserable over the last few weeks, anyone who buys a Never in Doubt print can choose any one of the other prints and I’ll chuck it in for free. Can’t say fairer than that, can you? At checkout simply tell me which print you’d like and I’ll augment your package. Not forgetting that ever purchase made enters you into a draw for an Arseblog engraved iPod shuffle.
Update: Please ensure you tell me which print you want as a freebie, otherwise I’m just going to have to guess.
Beyond that not a great deal going on, other than to advise you that the final Arsecast of this season will not be available until early next week. For various reasons, none of which are interesting enough to go into here, tomorrow will be an Arsecast free day, but the traditional round table end of season discussion will be ready for Tuesday of next week.
If I have time, and unfortunately, it’s a big ‘if’, I might try and get something together for tomorrow but it is unlikely. I’ll make it up to you though, I promise. Honest. I swear. Cross my heart, hope Evra cries, stick a 14″ long piece of timber in his eye.
Till tomorrow.
