Sunday, April 21, 2024

We’re such cuncs

For some reason I thought we were playing Nagoya Grampus today, but it turns out that’s tomorrow. I think that’s better really, having to disturb my lazy Sunday with Arsenal doesn’t sound as appealing as it should. Watching it while working tomorrow seems a much better use of everyone’s time.

Nothing much happening this morning other than newspapers in Italy saying that Real Madrid have accepted Napoli’s offer for Gonzalo Higuain. It sounds completely and utterly believable, simply because I really don’t want it to be true and because I fear that this situation is precisely what you get for being football’s greatest procrastinators. We are mind-meltingly cunctatious. Yes, you read that right.

Of course it could be Sunday paper bollocks. I assume they’re the same in Italy as they are in the UK and in Spain where massive exclusives are published, the majority of which have no basis in fact but are merely part of a tradition which requires the Sunday papers to be a bit more interesting than the the weekday stuff.

That said, would it be any surprise if they took advantage of our reluctance to do the deal? Of the fact we’ve basically patted him on the head, told him to ‘wait’, then gone around sniffing other dogs butts? Including a snappy terrier who won’t stop barking at black dogs – RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM?!

Napoli have plenty of money, they want a top striker to replace Cavani, there’s quite some history between the club/city and Argentine players. It all makes perfect sense to me, even if it is the most self-evidential and fear based outcome. Good rumours are nonsense, bad rumours are 100% on the money and lead to righteous indignation.

Anyway, I’m sure they’ll love him in Italy. Not as much as we would have loved him here, but hey. I’m sure the sunshine, great pizzas and Rafa Benitez will make up for it. Oh, maybe we still have a chance after all.

Speaking of Sunday paper bollocks, the Mirror links us with Bayern Munich midfielder Luis Gustavo today. Sounds plausisble enough, I suppose, but as far as I can see the anatomy of this story (from my point of view anyway), is such: German press announce Bayern might be willing to let him go. That spreads around Twitter and ends up as a thread on Reddit. Then the Metro (bastion of truth and certainly not a load of hit-whoring jizz porridge) runs a story saying it’s rumoured that Arsenal are considering a bid (talk about covering your bases there, eh?).

Then it’s in today’s Sunday Mirror. Could it be that people on Twitter were ahead of the game? Could it be that the Metro didn’t just make crap up or misrepresent a story for clicks and hits? Or could it be that more than ever transfer stories are traceable back to their source, most of the time revealing them to spurious, at best, and fiction most of the rest of the time?

I’ll leave you to make up your own minds (and point you in the direction of this site which has, a number of times this summer, done exactly that to show how these stories develop). So, this is why I have some hope that the Higuain/Napoli stuff is all part and parcel of this media circle-jerk in which things get recycled so often that it becomes almost impossible to find out where it all began.

But, you know, Higuain + fear + Arsenal + transfer window + desire for player + Sunday rumour in Italian paper = TESTIFY, HALLELUJAH. Gustavo + all those elements – Italian paper + English paper = NO CHANCE.

The only inexorable truth is Arsenal’s summer spending = £0. And 0p.

Coffee. Juice. Pig. Toast.

Till tomorrow.

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