Sunday, July 21, 2024

Arseblog: Wednesday 9th April 2003

april 9th

08.58 – Things are gonna change around here, oh yes. Expect an announcement shortly that will not only turn the blogging world and the football world upside down, the repercussions will be felt as far away as….er….the bottom of my road and once again middle-earth will have to battle to save their domain from the terrible wrath of the big angry eye that lives on top of a volcano (no wonder he’s always fuckin’ angry, bits of lava shooting into your cornea all day long).

Well, it might not be that important or interesting, but there’s definitely something going on. Will fill you in soon.

Jermaine Pennant has said ‘sorry’ for his bad-boy behaviour. Instead of being tucked up in bed, he was giving it loads to S-Club7 in some dodgy nightclub with some blonde girl called Michelle who was drinking Babycham all night. He wants it to be a turning point in his career, which is good. When Arsene Wenger says you are ‘the biggest talent of his age-group in England’, then that’s surely all the motivation you need to work hard and become a regular in the first team squad. That and loads of money. And blonde birds who drink babycham.

We should see Ashley Cole back for the semi-final against Sheffield United who have some defensive problems of their own ahead of Sunday’s game. Freddie Ljungberg has played down talk of a further rift with Swedish teammate Olaf “Beardy” Mellberg. You might remember the two of them had a bit of a scrap before the World Cup when Freddie objected to an OTT tackle from the Fishmerman looking bloke. During Sunday’s game David Bellamyberg was left with a cut eye when the two of them contested a header. Mellberg says there was nothing in it and this picture of them holding hands is proof positive that they’re good old friends.

It’s nice to see Arseweb’s newsreel getting some regular updates again – although it seems they’ll let any old cunt do it these days.

Right then, I’ll be off to continue working on my secret project. In my lab. With a big jar of opium and some ether. I will create life. Even if it is mutated, hideous and deformed.

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