Many years ago I read The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck, the classic novel set in the time of the great depression in the US. Families migrated towards California in search of work and it was evocative and really quite bleak.
Without trying to be melodramatic in any way, shape or form, this Interlull is already like the great depression and I’m considering packing up and heading west in search of elusive blog fodder. I hear they got camps along the way, they’ll help folks like us and when we get to Cali-forn-ah-yay, well the pickins will be plentiful. I’ll just have to try and not kill anyone along the way.
Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit (just a tiny bit all the same) but the sole reason we have an Interlull is because teams that have failed to qualify for Euro 2012 the right and proper way are being given a second chance in the form of a play-off. The rest of the international teams have no business playing at all because they have either qualified already, or failed to qualify so badly they don’t deserve another chance. In fact, their sovereignty as nations ought to be put up for sale such is their awfulness at football.
That the biggest talking point of this Interlull is over whether or not it’s ok to wear a poppy on the England shirt pretty much says it all. Nobody really cares about the football and even Arsene Wenger is calling for the qualification for the European Championships to be overhauled. He says:
I would propose that we had the smaller teams playing against each other in qualification, with the best ones going through to the European Championships, and that the bigger teams then have the opportunity to be qualified directly.
Of course I have not studied the problems deeply, so I do not say I have the key for the solution, but there is definitely something there that is not right, and I’m sure that the format as it is now has no future. I think there will be more and more disinterest from people.
On one level the first suggestion makes sense, let the minnows scrap it out and then get the best of the minnows through, but how do you decide who are the bigger teams who should qualify directly? FIFA rankings, perhaps? But they seem to be simply a load of names put in a hat and pulled out at random, and then announced to the media who say, ‘How on earth has X team moved up 6 places when they haven’t played a game in 3 months?’
Is it also right to deny the giants of Andora and the Faroes the right to play small-timers like Germany, France or England? It seems rather unfair to me. The main issue that Arsene raises is one of disinterest and that is one that grows with each season when it comes to international football. Sure, we all love a good summer tournament but only because we’re starved of football. It’s not as if we’re at a restaurant, being served the finest food and wine.
No, we’re begging on the corner, having spent the last week eating moss from off of walls and somebody comes along and gives us half a cheese sandwich (with a bit of Branston pickle on it if you’re lucky). And as far as I’m aware they’re expanding the European championships into a 32 team tournament from 2016. Hurrah, the chance to see more terrible teams play other terrible teams.
I think, to make international football more interesting, the teams ought to be made up from Sunday League park players. The night before each game 60% of the players from each team will be required to go on the absolute piss (to replicate the Saturday night they’re so used to) so there’s the requisite vomiting, horrendous farting and jaeger-belches. Not to mention the grumpiness which leads to the stupid mistakes and, of course, the violence.
Not that I’m an advocate of violence in any way, particularly on the football pitch. Well, I’m not once I’m not involved but who amongst us hasn’t laughed at the sight of two overweight, hungover blokes slugging it out at the corner flag while teammates, too sick to run let alone give a shit, make feeble efforts to separate them. The real footballers, the ones who get paid a huge amount by their clubs and then ground into the dirt by their national teams, can spend the summer doing whatever it is rich footballers do and be in perfect shape for the new season.
I suspect I’m probably alone in this. There are many who love the international game and get right behind their country and fair play to them. At least until they start objecting to my manifesto when I run for the position Chief Dictator of Football who is Quite Corrupt and Corpulent from Kick-Backs they get from All Over The Place (head of FIFA as it is sometimes known). My theme tune is going to be The Rockford Files. How could I not win?
Anyway, beyond all that nonsense you’ll have gathered there’s very little going on. There’s some transfer speculation involving players coming in and players going out but as I said the other day I’m having none of it. As soon as you see a headline saying ‘X Team prepare …’ and the headline is in the Daily Mail you might as well turn your attention to something more truthful. Like moon-landing conspiracies or leprechauns.
I suspect, my good old friends, this is going to be a long and tedious Interlull. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a sign in the distance. ‘Weedpatch Camp’ it says. Looks like a nice place, I’m gonna head on over there if that’s Okie with you?
Till tomorrow (or: in fact – until later when there’ll likely be a bit of an announcement).
