Morning all. The next few weeks are going to be pretty interesting, one way or the other. There’s such a lot to do, so I put together an Arsenal to-do list.
I should use lists like this in real life, but I also need a list to remind me to look at the to-do list. Across my desk are scattered countless post-it notes, most of which say ‘Look at the other post-it notes’. Anyway, just in case anyone at Arsenal wants a disorganised Irishman to tell them what to do, here’s what to do.
1 – Win the FA Cup
It’s a trophy. We all want trophies. Sure, it’s not the Premier League or the Champions League, but a service-station sandwich isn’t a Filet-mignon but you’d eat one if you were hungry enough. Win the cup, deny Chelsea the double, go home from Wembley on Saturday evening happy.
2 – Have board meeting next week
Ivan can sit one end, Arsene can sit the other end, avuncular Uncle Stan can keep them polite. Discuss the board things but most importantly:
3 – Sort out the manager’s future
If it’s decided not to renew Arsene Wenger’s contract then we’ll have to:
3a – Get a new manager:
I see big Sam is going to be available. Just don’t. Don’t even think about it. Nor Tony Adams. Or Thierry Henry. Find someone good and don’t dilly-dally. I’m sure Sir Chips’ huge knowledge of the best young European coaches will be invaluable here.
On the other hand, if it’s decided to give Arsene a new deal then:
3b – Address key issues we have right now under his reign
See that scouting department you’ve known to be a problem for ages? Sort it out. A new goalkeeping coach would be big help. And recruitment, it’s time to call time on Dick Law & Order and get someone who is really, really good at the job.
We know Arsene doesn’t like confrontation. He may not be keen on doing those things, so take that out of his hands, by:
4- Appointing a Director of Football
We know Arsene doesn’t want to work with someone who will come in and start making decisions he believes undermine the authority of the manager, but he said last week he’s open to working with anyone who can help. So, get someone who can help and support him. Call it what you want. Football Executive. Technical Director. Head of Sporty Shit and That. Whatever.
But get someone good who can ease Wenger’s workload. He shouldn’t have to deal with the minutiae the way he does now. Contracts, recruitment, checking on the progress of loan players – the manager can still make the final decisions, but don’t have him staying up all night doing the paperwork.
Make this the first of a number of appointments to the board who can increase the football knowledge and experience at the club. Those people are really handy for football clubs.
5 – Sort out Alexis Sanchez and Mesut Ozil
Stories about how the Chilean’s agent is in Munich have led to speculation that a deal might be done there. He is the driving force of the team, and it’s hard to imagine how blunt an attacking instrument we’d be without him. Ozil suffered a dreadful slump in form during this season, not unlike the team itself, but has looked much more like his old self in the last few weeks.
The damage their departures would cause is hard to fathom. Even if we got loads of money and were prepared to spend it all, it’d say a lot about the football club. Act decisively. Be brave.
6 – Decide what you want to do with Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain
It’s all well and good saying you want the England international to stay, but you kinda have to do something about it. It’s like me saying I’m determined to sort out that wasps nest in the shed and then ignoring it for weeks. I can’t then complain if one day I get stung. If we want to keep him, here’s a novel idea: offer him a new contract. If not, shut up about how we want to keep him and sell him.
7 – The Jack Wilshere thing
Like Ox, Oz and Al, he’s heading into the final 12 months of his contract, and a loan spell at Bournemouth – while reasonably successful in terms of minutes played – wasn’t necessarily convincing in terms of how he performed. Another injury at the end of the season raises questions about his ability to stay fit. Does he need to move on? Do Arsenal need to move on? Make a decision.
8 – Bring back Wojciech Szczesny and offer him a new deal
He has matured during two spells in Serie A with Roma. The transfer market is hardly awash with top quality goalkeepers, and we’ve got the chance to secure one of the best in Europe this season. With Petr Cech now 35 and David Ospina on his way this summer Szczesny, at 27, has still got plenty of time left. You feel he’d be willing to spend a season competing with Cech, and must surely be seen as a long-term candidate.
9 – Recruit well and in good time
Here’s a crazy idea. Let’s get things done in good time so that we’re ready for the start of the new season. We’ve only won once on the opening day in the last seven years, so it might be a case that our preparation needs some work. Find the players, buy the players, go round and tuck the new players in at night so they settle in nice and quickly. Don’t get to the opening day and go ‘Ooops’ again. It’s really annoying.
10 – Get rid of some deadwood
There are players who need to move on. Some decisions are more difficult than others, but there are some don’t ever play, who will never play a significant role again. Let them go. Also, think long and hard about some who do play, or played until recently, and even if the numbers tell you one thing, realise that after years of failing to challenge for the title, they’re part of that too.
11 – Have a good long look at yourselves
Reflect on what has been a shambolic few months, and ask yourself: we were acting in the best interests of Arsenal Football Club, or in our own self-interest? The resources, the infrastructure, the finances, almost everything is there to make Arsenal a genuine force in the Premier League and in Europe, so ask yourselves difficult questions. Ask why it is, years after saying we can compete with the likes of Bayern Munich, we’re either unable or unwilling to do that.
Because we don’t compete with them, and next season we definitely won’t because we’ll be in the Europa League.
12 – Stop being twats
The end.
—
Hopefully that should clarify things for everyone, and if I’ve forgotten anything please feel free to chime in on the arses, and I write it down on a post-it note.
We’ll start the FA Cup final build-up tomorrow, but in the meantime Tim Stillman has had a look at some of the decisions the manager will have make with his team for Saturday – read that here.
Have a good one.
