Part II of the squad profiles. If you missed part 1, it’s right here.
Squad Number: 23
Name: Nicholas BLACKWATER
Position: Stroker
Nickname: ‘The Camden Cockroach’
Origin: Camden, London, England
Special Move: ‘The Cashpoint Cackle’
Squad Number: 24
Name: Vincent Abraham ‘Abe’ DOLBY
Position: Middle Field
Nickname: ‘The English Patient’
Origin: London Dickensian Hospital for Sickly and Wan Children
Special Move: Frying an egg on his head due to his incessant high temperature
Squad Number: 25
Name: Carlos JUAREZ
Position: Starboard Frightener
Nickname: ‘El Cabo Primero’
Origin: Mexico (Tijuana)
Special Move: ‘The Nervous Glanceback’
Squad Number: 26
Name: Maurice FRAMPTON
Position: General Berserker
Nickname: ‘Betty’
Origin: England (Penzance)
Special Move: The Tenpin Charge
Squad Number: 28
Name: Kouranne Gibbois
Position: Portside Dandy
Nickname: Le Jazz Maraudeur
Origin: France (Paris)
Special Move: Running up the wing whilst playing the solo from John Coltrane’s track ‘Jupiter’ from the Interstellar Space Long Player.
Squad Number: 31
Name: Roger MATTHESON
Position: Apparent Striker
Nickname: Mr Punctual
Origin: Luton, England
Special Move: The ‘Always on time’, which means he’s always on time.
Squad Number: 37
Name: Charles ‘Chubby’ ATKINS
Position: Odd 9
Nickname: ‘Deadly Jelly’
Origin: Sutton-on-the-Forest, Yorkshire
Special Move: ‘The Smother’
Squad Number: 44
Name: Stephen Knabbley
Position: Wing Nuisance
Nickname: ‘The Tufnell Park Terrier’
Origin: Tufnell Park
Special Move: ‘Mrs. Roberts Washing Basket’ – a delicate switchback turn
Squad Number: 58
Name: Gordon Sanderson
Position: Middle Field
Nickname: ‘The Mystic’
Origin: The Foothills of the Himalayas
Special Move: ‘The Ping Pong Parp’, a rapid, percussive move where he passes to himself: ‘Ping’ is the first pass, ‘Pong’ is the second pass and ‘Parp’ is the noise the defender’s bottom makes as he sees Mr. Sanderson running off with the ball.
Name: Heisenbould
Position: “You don’t need to know.”
Nickname: ‘The Mystery man’
Origin: New Mexico
Special Move: ‘The Wheelchair Bomb’
Name: Alan Windsor
Position: Grand Wizard
Nickname: “Mr. Windsor to you.”
Origin: Berkshire, England
Special Move: Attracting the world’s best attacking midfielder, Melvin Orwell, to The Arsenal. And many more.
