Saturday, June 15, 2024

This is ARSEblog

Good morning, things I do not care about:

  • The health and well-being of everyone I went to school with
  • Australia’s hung parliament (unless it means they’re hanging the remaining members of INXS while they give themselves a good Hutchenceing)
  • The rainforests
  • Water Sheringhams
  • Nuclear power
  • How much Arsene Wenger is paid
  • The fact that karma dictates that everyone who works for will contract a painful, flesh eating disease and die roaring
  • Mark Schwarzer’s continued inability to pass an Arsenal medical according to ‘reliable sources’ on Twitter
  • Sp*rs getting into the Champions League

For the latter I actually read some Arsenal fans applaud them for their qualification. What madness is this? Perhaps it’s an attempt to appear open and honest as a commentator on the game of football. It is, in fact, a well known ailment known as ‘being a silly twat’.

I don’t care that, apparently, Jermain Defoe handled the ball and there’s been no witch-hunt like there was against Eduardo after he was nearly killed by the Celtic goalkeeper. Demanding they be treated the same as us infers they should have equal standing with us. What on earth is wrong with you? I couldn’t give a shit if Defoe picked up the ball, hid it under Peter Crouch’s over-used foreskin and then used it as some kind of battleaxe to maim defenders on the way to scoring a goal.

You might accuse me of talking a lot about something I don’t care about but I’m good at that. If you really want I’ll give you 5000 words on why Japanese fishermen are my all-time heroes of all-time as they stab Water Sheringhams to death with sticks and garden tools. Ranting is fun and easy, especially about stuff you don’t really care about.

‘Credit to Sp*rs and Twitchy’ – get a fucking grip. Honestly.

Anyway, the Champions League draw, involving Arsenal, takes place this evening at 5pm. We’re in Pot 1, there’s plenty of quality in Pot 2, a couple of decent teams in Pot 3 and then the lads with the club feet who kick like brain damaged mules and always get picked last in Pot 4. You can see the full list here on

Anyway, as that lot go about the place like giddy schoolgirls because they’ve achieved something we take for granted (worth remembering why that might be, folks), we have more important fish to fry. Saturday sees us travel to Blackburn for a game against an old enemy that is sure to be the first big test of the season. Maybe that should have come at Anfield but Joke Hole’s sending off meant it was a very different game.

We know what Blackburn are all about. They have big strong players who challenge for all the hoofed high balls and try and bend the rules as much as they possibly can. They pull, foul, niggle, foul, trip, foul, hoof, hold, push, foul, scratch, shove, foul and foul. They can play a bit of football too but the Walrus prefers if they don’t do that.

The last trip up there was a fucking horror show, let’s not forget that. The sight of Fabianski in goal was enough to get their dander up, they battered him, in fairness to the hapless Pole we let them batter him (although he ought to have gone a bit Jens to protect himself), and we ended up losing 2-1. Andrei Arshavin remembers, saying:

We haven’t forgotten about the defeat against Blackburn at the end of the last season.

We should win in order to leave without any worries for a break caused by the participation of the players in the national teams, this will give confidence to the team.

And that is a very good point. There’s an Interlull a comin’ and going into that on the arse end of a kicking from those cunts up there would be very depressing indeed. Tomas Rosicky spells it out:

If we want to be title contenders, which I think we are, we have to win there.

And we need to show, very early, that this is an Arsenal team that can no longer be bullied. Last season we went there without some important players – there was no Song, Gallas, Vermaelen, Fabregas or Clichy or Rosicky and, of course, we had Fabianski in goal. Let’s hope Blackburn face a different animal on Saturday. A giant panther that shoots rabid killer bees from its anus would do me. Nobody likes to face them.

Swansea says Henri Lansbury’s loan is on hold because Arsene Wenger is considering keeping him in the wake of Emmanuel Frimpong’s injury. It’d be a shame for the player, in a way, a good season on loan would certainly help his development, but he looks a good player to me who could certainly expect to get cup games and do a job from the bench if required.

I don’t have any news with regard to when the Squillaci deal is going to be announced. I don’t, however, have any doubt that it will be announced. That’s as much as I’ve got on that. If you believe some of the things you read he’d have been announced 8 times now – during which Mark Schwarzer would have failed another 15 medicals.

The manager’s press conference takes place today instead of Friday. The early kick-off on Saturday morning means Arsenal will be traveling tomorrow. No doubt he’ll be asked all about potential signings so we’ll hear, straight from the horse’s mouth, that he can’t say anything which will make everything more clear.

That’ll have to do for today, back tomorrow with an Arsecast.

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