Wednesday, October 5, 2022

Torres deal could mean cash for Reyes

Well it is very, very quiet this morning with practically no news whatsoever. The run off from the Henry story has now disappeared and we wait for the emergence of Arsene Wenger.

Fresh from his holidays the Arsenal manager will return with his golden staff of power and he shall scour the world for reinforcements for his squad. They shall be inducted in the way of the Arsenal with a secret two day training camp in which they will be shown images of fancy passing and intricate one-twos around the box and they shall have their testicles zapped with electric current. They shall be shown videos of people shooting and scoring goals and their penii shall be rubbed with gossamer feathers by super-hot models.

Liverpool’s upcoming signing of Torres may have an effect on us too. If Atletico get £27m from Liverpool for Torres then they might be inclined to spend a bit more cash on José Antonio Reyes instead of offering us £10.99 and an IKEA voucher (which does include assembly for any product bought, in fairness). The Spanish press today say that Real Madrid wouldn’t mind keeping for a fee of €7m but Arsenal are holding out for something in the region of €14m which seems fair enough to me.

Other than that there’s nothing going on which as regular summertime readers will know means one of two things. Either we’re doing everything top secretly or there’s nothing going on. Experience has taught us that it’s generally the second option and we have to amuse ourselves by, in our minds, spending the increasing amounts of money we think we have.

I started a game of Football Manager 07 the other day and then I couldn’t be arsed. Fucking footballers, always getting pissed off because you fine them for no reason, put them on the transfer list and stick them in the reserves. You won’t break me, Gallas, no matter how many of your teammates think you should be treated more fairly. It’s a shame there’s no ‘Bring to the middle of a dark woods and drive off’ option. Something for them to think about for the next game, if you ask me.

As the Man from East Lower points out this morning there’s still lots of time to make signings and if Gilles Grimandi is made ‘Director of Football’ he’s not just going to want to sit around and discuss new contracts with existing players. He’s going to want shiny new players to slide-tackle up and down the corridors of the Grove before they submit, weepingly accepting of the contract which pays them far less than they initially wanted and in absolute terror of ever giving anything less than 175544375666% when they go on the pitch.

Zen-like calm, everyone. Have a good Saturday. More tomorrow.

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