Morning, morning, here we go then. It is, as Joey Tempest would say, the final countdown to the new Premier League season, so let free your flaxen curls and your tight jeans and your synth led rock anthems and … erm … I dunno. Get ready, or something.
At some point this week I’ll do the customary pre-season state of the nation type post, assessing the squad, where we’re strong, weak and downright arousing. There’ll be press conferences with the manager, stories and tales and football related stuff will emerge and we can throw off the shackles of the summer and get right back into it again.
“Oh no”, we might wail vociferously as we go a goal down in any particular game. “We’re utterly shit and that player who made the mistake which cost us the goal really ought to be dragged out back and shot in the face!”
“Forget that”, we might add when the match is finally over and we’ve come back to win. “This team has real spirit and character. We’re gonna be champions!”
The flipy-floppy fabulously fickle football fan shall emerge from its chrysalis and all will be well with the world again.
And what better way to start the week leading up to the new season than yet more stories about how Barcelona want Cesc Fabregas. Headlines tell us that they won’t ‘break the bank’. That’s unfortunate. Because they would need to.
Mostly to pay for their hospital treatment after I break their faces with a large bat. Can these cunts not just fuck the fuck off? Even when we try and show them exactly what we think of them by selling them Alex Hleb for a few million more than we paid for him they don’t get the hint, do they? If they do get in touch with a bid we should simply courier them a large tupperware box in which sits a single, solitary, yet slightly hairy, turd.
If that doesn’t sink in well then I guess we’ll just have to be more direct. And the worst thing is they know there’s not the slighest chance of a bid being successful at this point in time, they’re just stirring shit. Frankly, and you know I’m not exactly one for plain talking, they can go suck a tramp’s cheesy bell-end.
Last night Bordeaux striker Marouane Chamakh scored a goal against Lens then revealed he’s so worked up about a possible move to Arsenal he hasn’t been sleeping. He said:
I am not sleeping as well as I normally do. My priority is Arsenal, but there are other clubs. If it’s Arsenal, so much the better. I hope it’ll be sorted out very quickly.
He obviously wants to leave but I must point out the fatal flaw in his argument. There are no other clubs. There is only the Arsenal. Sure, if you want to be pedantic about it of course there are other clubs but there aren’t really, you know. They exist but only so we have someone to play against. Watching us getting beaten 1-0 after conceding a corner to a team of non-existent players would get boring after a while, right?
As for Chamakh the manager keeps talking about his price being too high as he’s in the last year of his contract. Brinksmanship no doubt. Will Bordeaux cave in the closer it gets to deadline day knowing that if they don’t sell they’ll have an unhappy player on their hands? I suspect that’s what Wenger is hoping will happen and we can use the few quid we save to buy tupperware to respond to Barcelona.
Johan Djourou has been talking about the season ahead and he’s hoping to fill Kolo’s boots. It’s amazing to think he’s only 22, he seems to have been around for a long time. He says:
I want to step up now and feel this is my time. I have been here a long time and have learned from people like Kolo, William Gallas and Sol Campbell. I feel I have the experience I need to play in those big games and to play every week.
There’s no doubt he’s still a bit raw but he’s got all the ingredients to make a very good player. Physically he’s imposing, he’s quick, likes a tackle, uses the ball well. And remember he’s only a bit younger than Kolo Toure was when he made his breakthrough at centre-half. The only thing I’d like to see from Djourou is more aggression when dealing with aerial stuff.
And have a look at the picture in The Sun. Isn’t that what the kids these days call an ‘epic fail’? I think it is. Well, it would have been only they changed the picture just after I put up the post – this is what was there earlier.
And in terms of news that’s about that so how aboot a wee competition to help the week pass by? I have five copies of Arsenal: The Making of a Modern Superclub by Kevin Witcher and Alex Fynn to give away. It’s the new paperback edition which is in all good bookshops now etc etc, but to win a copy you just to answer the following question:
Which Arsenal player made his debut in a 2-1 win over Burnley in the League Cup in 1967?
The competition runs until tomorrow night, I’ll announce the winners on Wednesday. To enter simply email your answer to [email protected].
Right then, that’ll have to do for this morning. Till tomorrow.