november 26th
09.45 – We’re not bruise brothers, says Dennis Bergkamp in The Sun.
Well, he doesn’t actually say that, it’s just a mildly amusing headline thought up by some sub-editor. Anyway, the point is, Dennis doesn’t think Arsenal are a dirty side. I agree. I’ve seen worse. O’Leary’s Leeds were far dirtier a side than any Arsenal team I’ve ever seen. Still, rumours abound of a post match punch-up after the Spurs game last week, and Ashley Cole has been brought up on charges of using naughty words by ‘referee’ and waddling ginger bloke, Paul Durkin.
In an an attempt to find out exactly what Ashley Cole said to find himself charged like this, we sent an undercover reporter to interview one of Paul Durkin’s pubic hairs (left).
According to our anonymous source, he says Ashley Cole told Durkin that he was an annoying little man who took pleasure in sending Arsenal players off the field of play and suggested that the referee bend his cock back as far as he could in order to go and fuck himself.
In return for his information, we have placed this poor pubic hair in a sanctuary from where he can enjoy his life and no longer be prisoner to the sweaty groin of a crap referee. Last we heard, he was hanging out on the side of a bath with his friends.
Next time we talk exclusively to Graham Poll’s crabs. Well, I heard he had a tank full of crabs, what did you think I meant? I was going to talk to Andy D’Urso, but he’s gone o’er ‘ere to see Phyllis.
Oh, and get in there AW. Just what we need.
