I’ve had an article about Paul Newman open in a tab on one my many browsers for about 4 days now. I don’t want to close it because I feel like it’s an interesting piece, but on the other hand I can’t bring myself to read it because I can’t convince myself I’m sufficiently interested in Paul Newman to do so.
Seems like a lovely man. Great actor. Cool Hand Luke. Cat on a Hot Tin Foof. The Hustler. And, of course, the epic Slap Shot, one of history’s greatest ever movies. Decent salad dressings, even in death. Handsome bastard. But I don’t know what it is. I just can’t start the article, nor can I close the browser tab. It’s like Internet purgatory or something.
Does that mean Cedric is going to start tonight in the Europa League against PSV? Well, how would I know? And I don’t really see how the two things are in any way related. Paul Newman is not the Cedric of actors, and Cedric is not the Paul Newman of footballers. If there was a remake of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, old Ced would not be playing either role because he’s no Robert Redford either.
He’s far more like one of those fellas you look at when they come on screen and you say ‘Hey, there’s that bloke from loads of yokes’, but you can’t remember the name of any of the movies or TV shows. Generously, people might describe him as a ‘good character actor’ but everyone knows they’re just being kind. He simply lacks that star quality that the likes of Newman, Clooney, Brando and Leslie Nielsen have.
He could start if Mikel Arteta is inclined to rotate as much as he can, but he has Takehiro Tomiyasu and Ben White to choose from at right back ahead of Cedric. It’s sort of like being offered two delicious sandwiches, and the third choice is a Pop Tart which has spent three days down the back of the sofa. And look, all sustenance is good, and if you were a starving man you’d be delighted with the Pop Tart on its own merits, but that’s not the scenario we face tonight.
Arteta spoke about rotating in his pre-game press conference, and said:
We don’t have that many players! We bring the players that we have and we have brought four kids with us so we cannot even make up the squad, but we need to put 11 players out and they need to play – we cannot change those 11 players every game.
Apparently we’re without Marquinhos and Oleksandr Zinchenko, so I’m expecting a relatively strong team selection. I reckon the manager is thinking about getting the job done tonight, finishing top of the group, then backing his players to do the necessary against Nottingham Forest home, before he rotates the absolute shite out of it for the final group game against FC Zurich next week which means he can rest players ahead of the trip to Chelsea that weekend.
Which is about as much serious football analysis as you’re going to get from me this morning. Kick off this evening is 17.45, we’ll have the live blog and all the post-game stuff for you in all the usual places.
Now, time for a sandwich. I do not care for Pop Tarts. And having just bought a toasted sandwich maker this week, which gives you that lovely crusty cheese when you overload the sides of the sandwich, I know what I’m having for breakfast.
CORNFLAKES!
