Thursday, September 29, 2022

The Arsenal All or Nothing trailer: bit by bit

Morning all.

Latest from the US is that Oleksandr Zinchenko is flying from Houston to Orlando to do his medical and complete his deal from Man City.

To me this is a very sound, sensible deal – and there’ll be more to say as and when it happens. Today though, I want to look at the Amazon All or Nothing trailer, and break it down a little bit. If you haven’t already seen it, it’s below (or at this link):

Let’s go through it:

0:00′ – Someone has done something! The look on Mikel Arteta’s face, the slightly anxious faces of the staff waiting on the left-hand side. Is this a moment where all hell will be let loose in the dressing room?

0:01′ – Have you ever moved house and introduced your cat to its new surroundings? Arteta makes the exact same face a cat does as he breathes in unfamiliar air for the first time.

0:09′ – Arteta is fiddling with the whiteboard marker like he’s fully aware he’s on camera. The tactical set-up in the background doesn’t really give us any insight into anything.

0:14′ – We get a mention of non-negotiable for the first time, before he lays them out as ‘respect’, ‘commitment’, and then ‘passion’.

0:22′ – As Arteta says passion, there’s a clip of Aubameyang celebrating a goal so we can presume that his non-negotiable failure, if there was one, was related to the other two.

0:28′ – At first I thought he says, “When I lose a duet, I am upset”, and I thought ‘Wow, they really take the in-house karaoke night seriously!’. Perhaps Arteta and Steve Round’s version of ‘Don’t go breaking my heart’ by Elton John and Kiki Dee lost out to Aaron Ramsdale and Ben White’s glorious cover of ‘I got you babe’ by Sonny and Cher and he thought they should have won.

Turns out he’s saying ‘duel’. Which makes a lot more sense.

0:32′ – “When you lose the ball, you run!”, he shouts – which finally gives us real insight into why Matteo Guendouzi now plays for Marseille.

0:34′ – Innocent laundry basket gets it. But if you pretend Jose Mourinho is hiding inside it, then I think we can all understand what happens much more easily.

0:40′ – “We have decided as a club he is no longer our captain”, says Arteta as we see Aubameyang drive away.

I am 99.9999999% certain the subsequent ‘Wow!’ from Alexandre Lacazette is related to something else entirely but edited into the trailer for effect. My guess is that someone told him about the having to run thing.

0:49′ – Nuno Tavares throws his gloves away after being taken off before half-time against Nottingham Forest. I’m actually curious if there’s anything more about that in this documentary.

0:51′ – Some lad says ‘This is the worst Arsenal team I’ve ever seen in my life’, which makes me wonder is he a really ancient looking 7 year old because man, you don’t have to be that old to have seen worse.

0:53′ – Edu says ‘Everybody’s losing it’, but what is it? Their minds? Their reason? Their sense of youthful optimism. I hope for greater clarity upon watching.

0:54′ – Arteta kicks a cup and we’re meant to think he’s frustrated because he too is losing it, but all the people in the dressing room are laughing and that doesn’t tally. My guess is that this is the final of the ‘Dressing room cup penalty shoot-out’.

0:56′ – Xhaka red card! I think of all the players in this, he’s the one I’m most interested in because of his personality and seniority.

0:57′ – Training ground scrap! I love a good training ground scrap. This one looks like it’s Cedric and Lacazette being kept apart by Bernd Leno and Gabriel Martinelli. I wouldn’t fight Cedric though. He’s a bit like Matt Damon – one of those sinewy, pasty looking lads who don’t really feel any pain, no matter how many times they get hit.

0:59′ – Lacazette throws a bottle of water at the wall. It’s his only shot on target that day (looks like the Forest game again).

1:00′ – 1:07′ – Hugs and high fives. There is love amid the frustration.

1:12′ – What Arteta says about getting mad and wanting the players to be the best sounds, to my audio ear anyway, like two conversations spliced together for dramatic trailer effect.

1:16′ – I 100% need to see that Emile Smith Rowe flick and finish in a real game this season. Ideally in the North London derby.

1:18′ – Martin Odegaard’s new nickname: The Seat Slapper.

1:28′ – Aaron Ramsdale’s ‘Aww mum, not here’ face is classic.

1:31′ – What a save by Mikel Arteta’s son. Sign him up etc etc.

Also, we get a glimpse of the manager’s BBQ set-up. It looks a ‘New Asador Home Pro’ from Parilla Gaucha, and I will admit I worried at first glance he was letting the side down with a gas-powered grill. Look, I get they’re convenient, but we all know charcoal or hard-wood is far superior.

Thankfully, this unit burns both, and thus the outdoor cooking of meat (and, of course, veg) at Casa Arteta is done properly.

ps – I am not on any kind of commission from Parilla Gaucha but if they wish to furnish me with one of their fine products as a kindness for all the traffic I send them today, who am I say to no?

1:35′ – “Do you know what we have to really care about?!”, says Arteta, as I wait for him to say ‘This club’, ‘the team’, ‘the badge’, ‘each other’, ‘winning’, or something like that.

He says, “The company’.

Que?! Judicious editing again, surely? Otherwise Louis Dunford is gonna have to change the lyrics of his song.

Arsenal Holdings plc forever
Whatever the weather
These interim financial results showing a loss for the 6 months from May to November are my own …

1:39′ – Ben White knows the cameras are there. Ben White knows where all cameras are at all times, the cheeky scamp.

1:40′ – End on Saka. Smart.

So there you have it. We’ve learned a lot in 1’46. Are you in? I have to say I was dubious, and I still think that what we’ll see is a version of what happened last season, not a warts and all look behind the scenes, but enough happened – good and bad – for me to want to watch key moments again and how they were reacted to.

Right, let’s leave it there for this morning. There’s a brand new Arsecast Extra for you below, enjoy!

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