Hello everyone, welcome to Friday. There’s really not a lot going on. Some of our players are on holiday, some of them are involved in international tournaments, some of them are posting videos on social media of them doing training so everyone knows they are very serious professionals indeed.
Alexis, we know, is going to play in the Confederations Cup. As is Shkodran Mustafi. Maybe they’ll meet in the final. Hector Bellerin is going to the European Under 21 European Championships for Under 21s in Europe, even though he’s 22.
People ask ‘How does that work? How can a 22 year old go to an Under 21 tournament?’
The answer is very simple: he has fake ID.
The truth is that it’s simply a quirk of the rules that if you’re under 21 when the qualification for the tournament starts you can play in it all the way through. I do wonder what would happen if the tournament itself got delayed, due to some unforeseen event, like a massive alien invasion like that television series V.
When we’d eventually rid the earth of these initially friendly visitors but who we learned in time were basically lizard people who swallowed rodents whole and only wanted to use us as breeding stock, could a then 27 year old footballer play in the under 21 European Championships? It would be only fair if he could. It wasn’t his fault that humans were so fertile and supple and delicious to more advanced civilizations so why should he be punished?
That’s unlikely to be the case this summer but anyway, given the state of the world, I would welcome an alien takeover. If they can produce craft that can efficiently travel between galaxies without bringing any belly-bursting monsters with them, then they could probably do a better job of running this planet than the people currently in charge.
Sure, there’d likely be some collateral damage and some of us would get eaten, but there are worse ways to go. Like being flapped to death in a plane full of falcons while the pilot, Phil Collins, plays his greatest hits at top volume while serving toast with butter and jam on it. The monster.
Hector is not alone at the U21s though. As Spain prepare for their opening game against Macedonia on Saturday, two young Arsenal centre-halves are at the core of the England team. Rob Holding, you know, and Calum Chambers will be in action today as England face Sweden at the Kolporter Arena, Kielce, Poland, Europe.
And the host nation, Poland, have an Arsenal man too in the shape of Krystian Bielik. It is actually Krystian Bielik, not just someone in the shape of him, so that adds a little bit of interest to this tournament for us. It also means that these chaps will be back late from their summer adventures, although Bielik is more than likely heading to Norwich on loan for next season.
Aside from that, not a lot else, other than the Community Shield will take place on August 6th at 2pm. We face Chelsea, of course, and it means that we’ll be seeing a lot of them over the next couple of months. There’s a pre-season friendly in China, the Community Shield, and a trip to Stamford Bridge in September.
I always feel that playing pre-season games against other English teams is a bit of a swizz. I know it’s for the marketing and the commercial side of things, but we see enough of them during the season. I bet this is one of those years where we’ll draw them in the FA Cup again, and then have to play a two-legged semi-final in whatever the hell the League Cup is called this year: The Rodent Eating V Shield, or whatever.
Do they even have two-legged semi-finals? I have no idea. I could look it up but I won’t. I think that sometimes we know too much and an element of surprise is lost. I’m saving this whole thing for next January or February when those games take place.
Anyway, the point is, there’s too much Chelsea. And as the lizard people come to feast on our chinchillas, and ultimately us, I think that’s something we can all get behind.
Till tomorrow.
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