I got back to my hotel last night with the express intention of writing a blog that would be available first thing Europe time but tiredness, jetlag and Bulleit Rye overtook me. I did write something though, so it wasn’t a total bust. Thanks WordPress for saving this piece of literary genius for everyone to enjoy this morning:
It’e veruy warum here blimey so not cold therewas a mann with a dog and thedog was called john@@!!
Firstly, it is very warm here, and for that I am thankful. I like warm. I thrive in warm. Warm is what people should be. Secondly, I have only a vague recollection of any man and a dog, but I think there was a pitbull who slurped me when I said ‘Oh hai doggy!’, but beyond that I can’t really expand any further. I love dogs though, they are the absolute best.
If there was an adopt-a-dog service for just a few days I would be all over that right now. Me and my new best friend would walk all over Manhattan today. We’d go to Central Park and laugh and have fun times and I would scratch under his chin and his back leg would go ‘dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum’ which is the sound a dog’s back leg makes when he’s really happy.
Anyway, I am here. The flight over was fine apart from the fact I had to sit beside the drunkest man alive. I thought I had got away with it, that I would have nobody beside me, but just before the doors closed this man got on and he smelled of vodka with a hint of vodka and a vodka aftershave, and said ‘All right man, I don’t give a fiddler’s fuck!’.
I said, ‘Good for you’, because I’m not here to judge anyone but then he got some vodka and went to sleep but when he woke up and got more vodka he was 100% incoherent. This is what he said to me: “Splork blurk bleeeeep hahahaha spastics uuuuuuurp my phoooooone is a racoooooon haha spleeeeeeee!’, which would have been fine expect he got himself another vodka drink then spilled it all down the front of his crotch and down my leg.
At this point I decided I needed a different seat and the lady got me one and it was all good, so I watched Sing Street. If you haven’t seen this film, I can’t recommend it highly enough. I only saw the plane version, in which all the creative cursing was cut out, but it was still really sweet and really funny and reminded me of my youth when I grew up Dublin in the 80s.
It also contains one of the best lines in cinematic history when our young protagonist is a bit blue because the girl he’s in love with is going out with an older guy who’s got a Ford Sierra (topless, sadly no neon lights underneath), and blasts Genesis from his car stereo. He tells his older brother about this who says:
No woman can truly love a man who listens to Phil Collins.
It’s funny because it’s true and it’s true because nobody should have to miss out on love because of that baldy old bollix. Anyway, if you’re looking for something to watch tonight, you could do worse than watching this film.
What about Arsenal I hear you say? Well, basically I don’t know because I’ve been asleep but my erstwhile colleague Andrew Allen has been keeping things going over on Arseblog News. There’s some team news about Ramsey and Giroud:
Olivier Giroud has a test today to see if he could be involved. He had a good training session yesterday. Aaron is still struggling with his hamstring, I don’t think he will be available for Basel or Burnley…before the break he won’t be available.
And he commented on a story about how Jose Mourinho would like to ‘break his face’. This is hilarious. Whatever you think of Wenger, the fact that the then Chelsea manager almost shat his pants like a common Lineker when the Frenchman took exception to Gary Cahill’s challenge on Alexis a couple of seasons ago shows exactly how this set-to would go down if it ever happened.
FINISH HIM!
To see you through the rest of the day, here’s a fantastic 20 years of Arsene Wenger piece, bringing together the most outstanding moments of his time at the club, good and bad, and if you still haven’t listened to this week’s Arsecast with Philippe Auclair, check it out below.
Download – Acast – iTunes – RSS
Finally, a reminder that if you are in, or near, New York we’re gonna be watching the Chelsea game in the Barleycorn, and we’ll be doing the Arsecast Extra from there on Sunday around 1pm. So please feel free to join us, especially if you have a pitbull called John.
Till tomorrow.
