I would blame Mrs Blogs and the Mugsmasher, but I guess it’s not really their fault. I had to drink as much rum as possible to get over the fact that yesterday’s blog left some people saying ‘WTF?’ and suggesting that I had not taken things as seriously as I should have.
I apologise. Sometimes I forget that Arsenal is the most seriously serious business of all time and to make light of where we are right now is, quite lidddderally, a crime against humanity. I’m expecting a missive from the International Criminal Court any moment and I hear on the grapevine they’re planning a double-trial for me and the Libyan Colonel.
Anyway, the great purge of Arsenal continues apace as Theo Walcott becomes the latest player linked with a move away. He joines Almunia, SZCZ, Fabianski, Eboue, Sagna, Vermaelen, Squillaci, Djourou, Koscielny, Clichy, Gibbs, Wilshere, Song, Denilson, Cesc, Ramsey, Diaby, Rosicky, Nasri, Arshavin, van Persie, Vela, Bendtner, Chamakh and Frimpong Frimpong III as one of the players tipped for a move to another club this summer.
For Theo it’s apparently Chelsea who are interested, according to the Mail, as yet another top player heads towards the exit door on the way out in a shattering blow that will rock the very core of the Arsenal we once knew and loved. No fee has been mentioned but I suspect due to a clause in his contract that he can leave for less than £5.99.
Meanwhile Samir Nasri has taken time out of his summer to talk exclusively to the News of the World, ensuring everyone knows money is not his motivation. He says:
Money has never been my motivation. I have always taken decisions from a football point of view. I don’t want to sign for a club where I wouldn’t be playing the football that I like, where I wouldn’t feel happy, just for the sake of money.
We already earn huge wages. The priority is to make a big career and to win titles. With no titles under your belt, you can’t be in the list for the Ballon D’Or.
Oh. OH. I see how it is. Individual glory first, team second, Arsenal third. Fine. Be like that. The bottom line for me is that when push came to shove this season, Nasri choked. Just like the team. One on one with the keeper v Bolton, he proved he was no Freddie. Freddie would have scored that. Freddie would have slotted it home. We’d have won the game. And then gone on to win the league with a dynamic end of season push built on the goals of Freddie because Freddie wasn’t Chokey McChokealot from Chokesville, Tennessee.
I hear talk of meetings with Arsene Wenger. As frustrated as I am with the manager right now, and I am, I hope this meeting is simply an opportunity for Arsene to sit Nasri down and slap him in the face repeatedly. With a plank of wood. Ballon D’Or my hole.
So we lose Nasri – fine – and then The Mirror links us with the left footed Jimmy Carter, Stewart Downing. I think you know how I feel about him, but listening to the radio this week I heard an interesting fact about him. On Newstalk’s Off The Ball show (Irish radio folks), never late Ken spoke about Downing as a potential Liverpool signing. You see, Liverpool have been looking at stats of players and while most of us live on goals and assists, those further into the whole stats thing look at something called ‘chance creation’.
This is the stat which measures the number of chances for a strike on goal, missed by the likes of Chamakh, each players makes. Near the top of that list is Jordan Henderson, Liverpool paid £20m. And also near the top of that list is Stewart Downing. Who knew? Not that this makes me any more open to signing the useless cunt, but there you go.
I had a look at the Catalan sports sites this morning to see if I could gain some insight into what’s going on with Cesc. One says he will not return for pre-season training with Arsenal, the other says he will return for pre-season training with Arsenal. It’s almost as if each paper is just making stuff up. I can state with complete conviction that he will either play for Arsenal next season, or he won’t. You can put as much money as you like on that.
And really, that’s about as much as is going on this morning. It’s a nice sunny day so I might just out the back and lie on the grass. When was the last time you simply lay down on the grass?