Tuesday, February 7, 2023

“And this is what he said …”

I have just woken from the a most fantastic dream. I dreamt that Tom invented a feature for the website which meant that any player could have their legs replaced by a skateboard with just the click of a button.

All I had to do was log into a special section, type the player’s name into a box and click ‘wheelify’. It worked in real-time too so when I used it on Daniel Agger his legs were replaced by skateboards which, naturally enough, got stuck in the pitch rendering him useless in football terms.

Then came the problems. Firstly, you had to enter the password each time and it was something like: A&5v*[email protected]µƒ¥´˙∂ƒåœπøvb&00oO%&6_ and there was no such thing as copy and paste in this dream world. Secondly, after a few successful attempts I completely forgot how to spell anyone’s name so imagine my frustration at seeing John Terry remain skateboard free despite my best attempts at typing his name: Jhone Treery. What a time to develop mega-dyslexia.

Anyway, as you can imagine, there is no such feature this morning and that is somewhat disappointing. However, it is certainly one for the suggestion box, Tom! Maybe someone can develop a plug-in for WordPress.

Last night we were trialling a new live blog system so thanks to everyone for your feedback and help with that. I realise it meant sitting through Denmark v England but there you go. From an Arsenal point of view the news is good. Jack Wilshere played the first half and did well enough, Theo played about an hour and got a smack in the mouth, while Nicklas Bendtner got 90 minutes under his belt. From what I could see there were no injuries and that’s the main thing.

In the other games involving Arsenal players there was the remarkable sight of a Tomas Rosicky goal, his first since paleolithic times, and you can see that on the video page.

As of yet there have been no reports of injury, maiming, decapitation, intense scalding or skateboardius tendonitis, so as the players drift back today we can start the preparations for the weekend’s game against Wolves. However, we have to wait for the manager to give the all clear. I remember when Vermaelen was crippled during an Interlull. There was no initial worry about him until Arsene’s press conference in which he said “Vermaelen’s out. Small achilles problem. Don’t worry. He’ll be back soon”.

Hopefully those who arrive back today do so fit, healthy and ready for the weekend. Aside from all that there’s a veritable dearth of news. If you’re one of those people who gets off on the annual ‘Who’s the richest in football?’ chart then Arsenal are in fifth place behind Real Madrid, Barcelona, Man United and someone else. We could be first but Arsene Wenger refuses to let anyone count the money hidden under the mattress in his office at the training ground.

There’s also a very odd story about the Spanish national team being booked on a trip to go see the pope this coming Monday. That means, just two days ahead of the Arsenal Barcelona game, they’re expected to down tools, pop over to Rome, say ‘Hello Emperor Palpatine’ and then get back to the football? I just can’t see that happening. As for Arsenal allowing Cesc Fabregas to travel to do that, should it be required, I doubt that very much. I would imagine Barcelona, having almost the entire Spanish team, wouldn’t be too keen on it either.

Of course there is an easy solution and one with a certain amount of history. You see, there’s a wanky team just down the road who have previously traveled to Rome to see the pope. Now, in fairness, he did not greet them in the most favourable manner, but perhaps it was the way they approached him. Maybe this time they would have more success with their visit. I feel they should give it a try at least. It might help them get over the sadness they’re feeling this morning that their bid for the Olympic stadium was unsuccessful. That said he might just tell them to fuck off again but, as any man behind a grassy knoll will tell you, it’s worth a shot.

Francis Coq au Vin seems to be doing very well on loan at Lorient (although he won’t be eligible for the FA Cup game). Gourcuff’s dad seems suitably impressed at his progress though and perhaps next season he’ll be in contention to understudy Alex Song in that defensive midfield role. We’ll also have Emmanuel Frimpong back so a three way between the Song, the Coq and the Frimster will certainly give us more options.

Quick plug for the Arseblog iPhone app, you download it here – and good news for you Androids, there’s a brand new app coming soon. More on that when I have it.

And that’s really about that for today. Back tomorrow when we can start looking ahead properly to the weekend and with the ‘cast.

Until then.

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