Friday, May 24, 2024

*boilk* + Birmingham preview


As traditional as  Auld Lang Syne is the new year’s day hangover. I must apologise to you all for the worldwide rum shortage. Me and Mrs Blogs drank it all last night. I tried to ring Tom at about 3am with a brilliant idea I had for the site but sensibly his phone was off. Or he didn’t answer. And the idea? You might as well ask me why the back of my heel is gushing blood because I haven’t the faintest idea about that either.

Anyway, it’s a new year and time for resolutions. Mine are:

  • Unwrap packages better
  • Be more tolerant of an ancient basset who cheeps and whines in the morning, even though he’s been let out, just because he’s a bit lonely in the mornings and wants someone to get up
  • Invent something
  • Try and make my handwriting legible again
  • Stop punching lemurs in the face
  • To wear more ostentatious shoes
  • mini basketball

All highly achievable if I simply put my mind to it.

Anyway, onto the football and the first game of the new year sees us play Birmingham. You might remember them from such games as ‘Losing 2-1 this season and being cunts’ and ‘Breaking Eduardo’s leg and being cunts’. I remember when Trevor Francis was the first £1m player, moving from Birmingham to Nottingham Forest. Did they invest that money wisely? No sir, it all went on an elaborate Ponzi scheme which their chairman was involved in. Set them back years. Which is unfortunate for them because they were already about a decade behind the rest of humanity.

The rum, it is gone

I think we’ll play the following team: Fabianski – Sanga – Djourou – Koscielny – Clichy – Wilshere – Song – Fabregas – Nasri – Walcott – van Persie

I know. Eight changes! When will he learn his lesson? I just don’t know. It’s a game we really do need to take three points from. For no other reason than three points are excellent and less than that is not. How do we approach the game? It’s very simple. Score more goals than them. We could talk about trying to defend better but that’s pointless. A bit like saying ‘Well, there’s only a bit of rum left in that bottle, maybe we should just leave it’. You know it’s not going to happen.

We do need to show the same kind of effort and drive that we did against Chelsea. If we can do that then I think we’ll win. If we fall short then we still might win but we also might not. There’s another new year’s resolution. To increase the amount of in-depth analysis on this site.

There’s the old boy factor. Alex Hleb plays for Birmingham now. Another one who has discovered that the grass isn’t greener. He played a grand total of 8 seconds for Barcelona in his year there and that was by accident. Guardiola was trying to bring on Gay Assassin but Hleb had locked him in the jacks and snuck on in his place. We know he can be tricksy when he feels like it but hopefully today he’ll be nice to his great mate Cesc and provide him with a couple of the crafty pre-pre-pre assists we know he’s famed for.

Check out this nasty stat:

Birmingham have scored a 90th minute goal in 3 of their last 4 home games vs. Arsenal, meaning Arsenal dropped a total 5 points as a result

Given the way we can only concentrate for about 63 minutes this could be problematic. I don’t know about you but I’m quite fed up with conceding late goals. I think the team really ought to consider that as we head into the final stages of a match. They need to realise that I am fed up with the conceding. They should picture me with a disapproving scowl on my face. That would make them concentrate better.

Beyond that we just need to score more than them. Another resolution. Less repeating myself. And I’ll try not to say the same thing over and over again. Another resolution. Less repeating myself. And I’ll try not to say the same thing over and over again.

Kick off is at 5.30 this afternoon at which point I’ll be just about ready for bed. Hopefully we’ll put in a performance worthy of sitting around all day swearing never to drink again.

In other news it seems that Emmanuel Eboue has signed a new deal at the club, keeping him until 2014. The boss also confirmed that Manuel Almunia could leave, saying:

It’s up to Almunia. There has been interest from Spain, yes.

The return of Vito Mannone from Hull, albeit with an injury, seems to suggest that it’s going to be Adios Manuel. Hasta Luego. Muchas gracias. The sale of Havard Nordtveit to some Germans was also ratified. The boss said he was a great character and a good player but one who needed to play. Clearly he’s not to good that he might play for us and his refusal to sign a new deal means he’s been shipped out so we can get a couple of quid for him.

Arsene might use that to persuade his old pal Pat Rice to stay on at the club. The whispers are he’s going to retire at the end of the season when his contract runs out. He’s a legend, is Pat, but perhaps Arsene might benefit from a fresh number 2.

As my stomach rumbles this morning I know I definitely would.

Anyway, happy new year to you all. Back tomorrow with a clearer head, a less bleedy heel and hopefully three delicious points in the bag.

Till then.

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