Good morning, purveyors of Arse.
On the occasions I’ve had the dubious pleasure of writing the blog over this balmy and World Cup filled summer, like Arseblogger, I’ve wanted to write about anything – anything – other than The Story of How Barcelona Tried to Woo Captain 2010. I’ve found it downright tedious. I knew it was coming from the moment I knew he was going to be fit to go to South Africa with Sarah and the rest of the Spanish squad.
But unfortunately, there’s not a great deal to write about in The Damned Close Season.
Like you, I was greatly disheartened when Cesc himself was purported to have told the manager that he did indeed want to go back to the club that are so holier than your club, that they pay Unicef to have their logo on their shirts (and then get a fuck off huge bank loan to pay their players). But that second part of the story, as well as some conviction I had, for no particularly good reason, led me to believe that this past season wouldn’t be the last time we saw Cesc leading our team.
And so, finally, it’s beginning to sound like the morons that run Barcelona Football Club (‘Més que un club – ambién un montón de conchas‘*) are beginning to also realise that the situation is far from in their favour. Despite the disgraceful tapping up of our player since mid-season, in a clear attempt to unsettle our player and drive the price down, it seems that Princess Sandra, Head of Dreams and Ponies at Barcelona (‘Més que un club’), has finally got the message:
Arsenal feel very hurt by Barça. They don’t want to listen to offers or sell and they are not putting the player on the market. There was a strong dispute a few months ago and they have not forgotten it. He will come, even if it is not now, it will be next year. We will see. One thing that is certain is that we will not be throwing the house at trying to sign him. No shareholder would pay €60m [£50.6m] or €70m [£59.1m] for him. We would only pay his value in the transfer market.
Now, there’s a few things wrong with this quote. Let’s deconstruct it.
Firstly, I don’t think anyone feels hurt by Barça. Hurt doesn’t quite seem to be the right word. Here’s some other ways the Més que un club PR department might’ve more accurately put it:
- Seriously fucked off
- Majorly pissed
- Totally disrespected
(And yes, I know the last one sounds a bit like a pissy bitch).
Secondly, we don’t want to listen to offers or sell and we’re not putting the player on the market. Jesus Christ. Finally! Sandra has got the fucking message.
Strong dispute – yes. It’s been a dispute between a bunch of complete cunts that have no idea how to treat another club with any kind of respect. We won’t ever forget the way Barcelona behaved (on countless occasions), the weaselly fuckbags, never mind after only a few months. We are positively elephantine in our unforgetfulness.
Cesc will come next year. Yeah, well, that may well be so, and he’s right, we will see. Perhaps all of this bullshit this summer has just been laying the ground for next summer when Xavi and Iniesta’s powers will be waning, Xavi will have gone mad and just be gibbering constantly about someone’s DNA, and they’ll actually have a need for Cesc.
It’s the last part that really gets me though. They’ll only pay his value in the transfer market. Really? Well perhaps if they’d offered his cunting value in the transfer market this summer, they might just have got their man. Yes, we know Cesc wants to go back, but they need to fucking understand that he has a long-term contract with Arsenal Football Club, he’s 23, and he’s the best young midfielder in the world. There’s an argument for removing the ‘young’ caveat in that sentence, given the fact that it wasn’t until Cesc came on in the World Cup Final that the Spanish team finally managed to score a goal – set up by Cesc. And it’s not lost on me that after next season finishes, that fact won’t be fresh in the memory, which no doubt adds quite a few million to his price tag this summer.
Barcelona, despite their “we have 50m to spend” clearly don’t. If they did, offer it us for Cesc, and we’ll consider it – and then most likely return your fax, wiped on Gunnersaurus’s arse after he’s had a night out that ended in a distinctly dodgy kebab.
The bottom line in this saga is that Barcelona have behaved appallingly, trying to get a player that they were probably never going to get this summer, and perhaps the biggest ‘loser’ (as far as a young man that plays a game for a living and gets paid tens of thousands of pounds a week for it can be any kind of loser) in this is Cesc himself. The captain has had his image tarnished with the Arsenal fans through his flirtation with a transfer this summer which I don’t think Barcelona ever had any intention of completing this year.
As I say, we all know he wants to go home eventually – it’s understandable for a young man, working abroad since a very young age – but unless a) he puts in a transfer request (which we all know Barcelona would love for him to do), b) Barcelona make a serious offer based on the fact that he’d walk into almost any team in the world (including Spain – perhaps if they’d started with him playing in a number 10 role throughout the tournament, they’d have scored a few more goals, perhaps not), set up the winning goal in the World Cup Final, and has a contract with us until 2015, and c) we even wanted to fucking sell, which we don’t, he’s not going to go.
And after that unreasonably long sentence, I’m going to draw a line under the matter. At least for today. Since no doubt this is some sort of game by Barcelona and that they haven’t remotely given up their pursuit, which wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest. That and, well, I’m really done talking about it. It’s dull as fuck.
So, other news, and fnally, real football returns today (sort of). The traditional pre-season game at Barnet today takes place, and here’s the 22 man squad: Manuel Almunia, Andrey Arshavin, Nacer Barazite, Marouane Chamakh, Johan Djourou, Craig Eastmond, Eduardo, Jay Emmanuel-Thomas, Lukasz Fabianski, Emmanuel Frimpong, Kieran Gibbs, Conor Henderson, Laurent Koscielny, Henri Lansbury, Ignasi Miquel, Samir Nasri, Havard Nordtveit, Tomas Rosicky, Armand Traore, Thomas Vermaelen, Theo Walcott, and Jack Wilshere.
Some big names in there, and I don’t know how many of them we’ll see, but how nice is it to see a team that isn’t a bunch of cunts?
As Blogger said yesterday, you can watch the game online at arsenal.com for the measly price of £3, and the official website says there’s also still tickets available (though, of course, that might only have been updated six weeks ago). Worth checking out tickets if you’re local though.
I’d definitely go, but well, I have to be here to write you lovely people a blog, and I’m dedicated to my cause. And I live in Edinburgh.
That’s your lot for today. I’m off to source the food that proves the existence of God beyond reasonable doubt – that’s right, bacon.
Have a good Saturday.
* Thank you Google Translate. My Spanish is, erm, non-existent.
