Last night I dreamt I had to write The Fiver but it was a fraught experience. The Guardian’s editor was reluctant to use a snippet about an horrendous earthquake in the Falkland Islands because he said it just wasn’t funny enough. Nothing about it not being football related, funnily.
He then replaced that story with a bit about Efan Ekoku being raised by wolves before hiding out in the basement of a pub where he had apparently been living for the last six years because he was afraid Danny the drug dealer from Withnail and I was out to get him. Which he actually was but once the Guardian editor was in the basement of this particular pub he couldn’t be seen. Sort of like keeping really, really still when a T-Rex is outside your car. Most odd. I have to admit I was glad to wake up.
At the World Cup Nicklas Bendnter and Denmark crashed out last night as they were totalled by a Honda (yes, it’s obligatory to make some kind of car related joke – ask anyone). Japan’s impressive Keisuke Honda scored a fantastic free kick (albeit with some help from Thomas Sorenson who is clearly auditioning for Zzzzzzz) and set up Japan’s third with some serious skillz. In-between that Endo scored another great free kick (Sorenson, poo, Arsenal’s new number 1 etc) and Jon Dahl Tomasson tried his hardest to miss a penalty for the Danes. Honda or Joe Cole? I’d say the Japanese fella comes with a better warranty and does more miles to the gallon.
Alex Song is on his way home, but not to Galatasaray, after Cameroon were beaten 2-1 by the Dutch for whom Robin van Persie scored. Earlier in the day Paraguay were given a pass to the next round after promising never to subject anyone to the kind of 0-0 draw they had to witness against unlucky New Zealand who go home having not lost a game. And Italy, in the best game of the tournament so far, were beaten 3-2 by Slovakia, finish bottom of their group and have failed in spectacular style to mount any kind of defence of their title. Mama mia!
Funnily my Italian chum who works for Juventus (seriously) did not respond to my text of commiseration last evening. We watched the 2006 World Cup together when we were in Barcelona and man does he take it seriously. “Porca troia!” this and “Figlio di puttana!” that. Maybe his phone ran out of battery though. That must be it.
So that leaves just Cesc, Robin, Emmanuel Eboue and Carlos Vela as Arsenal players at this World Cup. We should see Eboue this afternoon as Ivory Coast play North Korea. Later this evening Spain play Chile in what promises to be a cracker of a game. Chile have really looked the part so far and Spain look to have found a bit of form. I’m looking forward to this one and hopefully Cesc will play a part at some stage.
Back on dry land and I’m ignoring the Mail story about how Cesc has reaffirmed his desire to leave. I suspect this is manufactured stuff, both from the side of Laporta who is desperate to do the deal before June 30th and from Agent Orange who, much like his dad, likes to leak stuff to the Mail who are happy to do his bidding.
Meanwhile, new boy Marouane Chamakh wants us to sign his former teammate Yoann Gourcuff, saying:
It would be terrific if Gourcuff joined Arsenal.
Well, perhaps it would. Gourcuff is a much better player than this World Cup has shown and various reports suggest he and Frank Ribery had a falling out during the whole crappy player revolt thing. Ribery apparently taunted him for wanting to actually train. The idea that someone who looks like a pig’s abortion would have the nerve to taunt anyone about anything amuses me but there you go.
Nevertheless, it’s probably not terrific for Bordeaux and their fans to hear a former player talk this. We’ve had it before, for example when Hleb left to go to Barcelona he said much the same about Cesc because he wanted somebody to hold his hand and help him order ice-cream, and it’s irritating in the extreme. So if Chamakhattack wants to express these thoughts to Arsene Wenger all well and good but I think public declarations like that should not be the Arsenal way. Especially when every day there’s another Barcelona player lining up to metaphorically slurp on Cesc’s mickey. It’s just not right.
The Laurent Koscielny is almost done by all accounts, it’s only being held up by the fact that Arsene Wenger has left his Blackberry at home. Which sounds a bit odd to me. Why doesn’t he just go to the local Blackberry store in SA and pick up another one? Or, given that he probably has some kind of mobile communication device with him, why can’t someone at the Arsenal end give him a tinkle and say ‘Here’s the crack, whaddya reckon?’.
And cheers to Pez and Jakub who emailed me to tell me that Koscielny’s surname is church related so we could call him Laurent Placeofworship, Laurent Church or Laurent Confessional, all of which are easier than his name which I still can’t make stick in my head. Koscielny. Koscielny. Koscielny. One day, I know I can get this.
Bob Wilson talks to sport.co.uk about all kinds of stuff, from his playing days to the coaching at Arsenal and the current situation:
At this moment in time to pacify fans I think there will be a senior goalkeeper brought in.
Erm, comforting. Surely the idea of bringing in a ‘senior goalkeeper’ would be to make the team better, not pacify fans. Anyway, we shall see. And even though there are some unfortunate pictures of football’s juggiest crisp salesman it’s in aid of the Willow Foundation, a charity with which Arsenal fans are very familiar.
And that is really that. Have yourselves a jolly acceptable Friday. More tomorrow.
