Good morning to you.
It is, of course, St Patrick’s day today. To those of you who are Irish, who have Irish heritage, whose grandfather might once have read a Flann O’Brien novel, whose name is Murphy even though you’ve chosen to declare for England and deny Arsenal another great Irish talent like Brady, O’Leary or McGoldrick, and everyone else, I wish you a very happy St Patrick’s day.
Over the years it has become a day synonymous with drinking. This is because none of us believe in the myth about St Patrick driving the snakes out of Ireland, which is what we’re supposed to be celebrating. Let me assure you the country is fucking full of them. We drink to forget. And lest we forget to forget our good pal Dara reminds us on the radio of our obligation. In Dara we trust!
So wherever you are and whatever you do today, have yourselves a good one. As it’s a bank holiday here in the Isle of Snakes, I might just have a pint later and sing some traditional songs. “To St Patrick”, I might say. “He might have been the serpent-ridding equivalent of Stefan Malz, but at least we have a day off”.
And the few people left with jobs will still call in sick tomorrow because they’ve got a ‘tummy bug’ or because ‘there’s a 24 hour thing going round’. And sure what’s the point of going in on Friday then anyway? Might as well make the long weekend out of it. We’ll be back on our feet in no time. I mean, if our politicians can fuck off halfway around the world (which, frankly, is the best place for most of them), instead of staying home to sort out our problems, then why should we bother? Let the *boilking* commence.
In Arsenal news it looks as if Cesc Fabregas will be back for the West Ham game this weekend. This is good. Tomas Rosicky is also likely to be back. Also good. And William Gallas is hoping to be back in training but that’s kind of like me waking up one day hoping to discover I’ve got blistering pace and that the forward who just ran past me doesn’t require me to tap his ankles then for me to hold my hands up in the air like an Italian defender trying to suggest that it was an accident. You never know though.
Theo Walcott obviously spent a lot of time when he was out injured catching up with the news on Arsenal.com – newly crowned sports website of the year award. He learned that a player out injured is only a player out injured when he’s injured, when he comes back he’s LANS. Yep, Theo reckons he’s LANS even though he’s not LANSHJAIPFA.
It’s like going to a garage, asking them to swap your old car which is banjaxed in a trade-in for a new one. They give yours a wash, valet the inside, clean out the dozen or so bottles of water that are under the seats and tell you it’s a new car. If the garageman said “It’s like a new car, sir”, you’d give him short shrift indeed, or perhaps even karate chop him in the side of the neck, for that is where karate chops are best administered. Theo, you were a new signing years ago, when you arrived fresh faced and innocent and didn’t play for months. And now you’re fresh faced and innoce … erm … maybe he’s got a point.
Ray Parlour reckons Theo could be the man in the run in. Speaking at the Q&A the other night, he said:
Against Burnley, he was brilliant, absolutely fantastic. But if you are going to be a big player you need to do that week in week out at a consistent level. Theo will do that once he gets his injuries sorted out. Once he does that he can be a massive player for Arsenal.
I think the Theo who played against Burnley is the one we’d all love to see on a consistent basis. Although I’d love Theo to get so good and so awesome that one day we send him out to play Chelsea wearing a dress and people will say ‘Haha, look at Ashley Cole. He got torn a new one by a footballer wearing a dress. Let’s all point and laugh at him … some more’. Something for Theo to aspire to.
The Guardian is linking us with an 18 year old Ajax player, Christian Eriksen. He’s Danish so is probably well aware that we have the best Danish player who ever lived, or ever will live, with us already. If that’s not an attractive proposition for any football then I don’t know what is. Ajax are currently managed by former Sp*rs boss Martin Jol. Quite what difference this makes to anything I don’t know.
Anyway, that will have to do for today. Have a good one, whatever you get up to, and remember: green vomit doesn’t make you Irish, it just means you need to lay off the creme de menthe.
Till tomorrow.
