Monday, May 13, 2024

Interlull : It returns but Cesc is way cool

So yesterday’s epic battle complete and utter snoozefest between Chelsea and United saw the home side win through a goal that shouldn’t have been allowed. It also saw Didier Drogba take his acting to a new level. I have to admit I’ve never seen the ‘shot between the eyes resulting in some post-mortem leg twitching’ one before. All credit to him for that, the hideous Predator® looking cunt.

It looked as if it was John Terry who got the goal for Chelsea and as the ball crossed the line he celebrated the ball crossing the line because he knew the game was a wrap and when you score a goal like that it’s not to be sniffed at. Reminded me a bit of Charlie. Charlie Chaplin, the way he celebrated. I believe he went out last night and had a few drinks in London’s hottest new Colombian nightspot – EscoBar.

The point is that we remain in second place, five points behind Terry’s men but with a game in hand. We can only hope they blow the lead and it’d be a big deal if they did. Fingers crossed, nostrils closed for that one.

Lots of the papers this morning talking about us scoring 100 goals in the league and being the first team to do so since some no-marks back in the 60s. They also ignore the fact that no-mark FC had 42 games to score their goals in and not the 38 now. We’d be wise to ignore this kind of crap, there’s a bit of hype starting already and frankly I think I prefer it when they don’t expect much of us.

Cesc, who must have taken an Open University course in ‘How to keep your feet on the ground’, says:

There will be a time when we cannot score goals and everyone will say we are crazy. We have to be ready because one day it will not happen like that. It is in that moment where we have to be strong.

Exactly right. It’ll only take a couple of results where we don’t have a 5-a-side score before someone starts saying we’re brittle, we lack quality, the start of the season was a fluke, we’re no good at Lego, our singing voices are shrill and reedy and we are poor cooks whose pasta sauces lack imagination. We shouldn’t fall for the hype when it’s positive, nor should we let the inevitable barrage of criticism worry us too much either.

Cesc goes on to talk about his own form. You’d think he’d be kinda pleased, what with playing really well and scoring lots of goals but if the Open University course in ‘How to keep your feet on the ground’ has taught him one thing it’s how to keep his feet on the ground. He says:

Because I am scoring it looks like I am playing better, but I don’t look at it like this. Maybe in other years I was getting in the same position but I wasn’t scoring. I don’t think I was at my best against Wolves but because I scored a goal it looks different. I know how to measure my performance and what I have to improve on.

Improve, you say? Yes please. I’ll have a bit of that. 9 goals and 11 assists already this season. If he can do better then I’m all for it. Not that I’m unhappy with his contribution to date, you understand. I’m just greedy. Perhaps I need to go to the Open University. Or, at least, sit in front of the BBC2 at 1.30am with a notepad and a pencil. Do they still have it on BBC2? Anyway, the point is Cesc is awesome and he wants to be even awesomer and I shall not, nay, will not, argue against that.

Of course now we’re into yet another Interlull. FIFA really ought to decide who goes to the World Cup with a Boggle championships or a Monopoly tournament over one night. It’d save us all from the tedium of an Interlull. And not content with making some teams engage in their WC play-off matches they have sanctioned a shit-load of friendlies. So not only do we have to worry about the players taking part in the play-offs, we have to worry about all the rest of them too.

If I ever became Supreme Dictator of the Whole Entire Cosmos Apart from The Faroe Islands Because What Would I Want With Them Anyway, I would have just one Interlull, the same duration as now, in which all matches had to be played. The entire qualification in one 14 day period. And you could only choose a player once, so if he played in the first match then he returned to his club for lazing about and being fanned with giant palm leaves. It’d make international football more interesting though, wouldn’t it?

At this stage Ireland v France on Saturday would be Anto Murphy from Ballycock Rovers v Jean-Claude Testicule from Paris Saint SingeChèvre. Now that’s what I call entertainment.

Still, we’ll just have to be strong and try to muddle through as best we can. Here we go again. Till tomorrow.

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