Morning, and we’ll start with CEO Ivan Gazidis who says Arsenal must … oh, wait. No need.
Let’s move instead to Felipe Melo who, it seems, has signed for Juventus. This comes after yet more waffle from Fiorentina who spoke again of our interest and the deal seemingly on offer. Pantalones Calzone, the Fiorentina Sporting and folded over pizza director, said:
Wenger wants to talk to me. I have no objection also because Eboue seems a valid swap.
Which all seemed very promising, particularly as he said no meetings with Juventus were planned at all. But obviously the stripy fuckers got on the phone, did a deal and now it looks as if Melo will be announced officially there today.
Oh well. I mean, if he wants to ignore Gilberto Silva and sign for a tiny club with no history who plays in front of a half dozen people each weekend then there’s not much we can do about that, is there? I suppose we’ll wait for the official announcement from them but it looks like the game is up.
And in this crazy, topsy-turvy summer there was more confusion regarding Andrei Arshavin’s relationship with agent Dennis Lachter. Arshavin apparently fired Lachter the other week but the agent has other ideas, saying:
We have a contract; this contract will be finished in one and a half years. Until then, I am the manager of Andrey Arshavin.
He sent me a letter, absolutely. Listen, it’s like entering a contract with Arsenal or anybody else; there are obligations. If you think that you can just cancel this formal relationship between two parties only because of a newborn baby it’s…what can you say…well you can’t do it. That’s it. I’m his agent.
He went on to say:
Arshavin for sale! Arshavin for sale! Get your Arshavin! Only £20m! Barcelona? That you? Fancy an Arshavin? Go on, you know you want to.
Strikes me agents are like ticks. I remember years ago, as young chap, playing gleefully in bails on hay one summer. You know the big huge ones rolled into massive wheels. Climb up. Jump off. Climb up. Jump off. Climb up. Jump off. Life was much more simple back then.
Of course the farmer was none too happy when his perfectly crafted wheel looked more like … erm … a load of hay scattered all over his field, but the point is when I got home, happy as anything after a good day’s playing, I discovered ticks. Eating me. Bleurgh. And when you have ticks you have to get the whole lot of it out, if you just burst the bit full of blood and leave the head in it will keep chomping away at you. Especially the one positioned rather too close to one’s vagi .. I mean Johnson.
Lachter is the tick still scoffing away at Arshavin. A letter merely removes the bloody sac but the head is still there. He needs a burning match to scorch the arse out of it. Metaphorically speaking of course. Erm, that all went a bit weird, but I’m sure you know what I mean.
Anyway, Andrei was back in training yesterday, running about the place in the rain, stretching with giant rubber bands and playing with large balls. Oh, please. I’m serious, you can check out the pictures on Arsenal.com.
It looks as if some of the players, Adebayor, van Persie, Clichy, Sagna, Toure, Eboue and others have been given extended holidays, probably because of their involvement in end of season internationals.
