Morning to you, it’s another one of those summer days with not very much happening at all. A little bit of transfer speculation and that’s about it.
The Sun is linking us with Feynoord striker Luc Castaignos who is a veteran at 16 years of age. Apparently he’d cost £4m and will only sign for us if we let him stay with the Dutch club on loan. What a bossy little twat.
Frankly I’d despair if we spent £4m on a 16 year old. Unless than 16 year old was some kind of ninja assassin who could make himself invisible and move as fast as a panther. Then, and only then, would I get behind that kind of signing.
And don’t we have enough young strikers as it is? There’s the non-Irish Murphy, Gilles Sunu, Rodrigo Pantalones, Aranxa Sanchez Watt and countless other fellas in the youngsters. And, this summer will see the arrival of our favourite Brazilian boot, Wellington, so you have to think our money would be better spent elsewhere.
Meanwhile, it seems Amaury Bischoff PI is heading for PSG. I’m not quite sure what he’s going to do there. I suspect he’s going to be one of those mannequins they use when teaching people CPR. Except somewhat less lifelike.
Do we really care that Alex Ferguson was offered the Arsenal job all those years ago? I know I don’t care. I certainly don’t want to consider the possibility now. It’s like finding out that your mum almost married Phil Collins. Yak.
Youngster Kyle Bartley is one that many at the club have high hopes for but Arseblog can reveal that his very career is in doubt due to the dubious company he’s been keeping. It’s regular enough among young players, we’ve seen it happen before, but there’s still a chance for young Bartley, despite him quite blatantly talking about it. He says:
Mikael Silvestre for example is a really experienced player, he has won almost everything. He’s a really nice guy too and if he can help you he will.
“So what you do when ze ball come in is stand zere and let ze opposition score! Simple, non?”
Somebody get that young man some help. Or a Martin Keown video. Preferably one of him which is just 90 minutes of him doing his crazy star jump on Ruud van Nistelcunt with the greatest hits of Mr Mister as the soundtrack. That’d set him right, no doubt about it.
The Spanish press this morning have reported that we’ve offered £15m for Yaya Toure. Who you know is just going to stay at Barcelona after getting a pay rise following his agent mouthing off to all and sundry. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.
Not much else happening really. There’s some idle speculation regarding Newcastle’s Whateverhisnameis Bassong but I’d worry about a signing like that. He might have stood out for Newcastle this season, I didn’t particularly notice him, but that’s hardly a good qualification, is it? Being the best Newcastle defender is like you or I being voted the best player when the rest of the team is made of up of severely retarded, one-legged, half blind, epileptic, thalidomide, quadraplegic lepers who are sons of Carlton Palmer.
Some kudos goes this morning to Arsenal Bulgaria who waited at the airport the other day for the Irish team to arrive so they could say hello to Arsenal legend Liam Brady. Whilst there they got Robbie Keane’s autograph. You can see them getting the signature here – then have a look here to see what the Mallet Headed one actually signed. Good work, chaps.
Final chance to win tickets to go and see the London Masters 6-a-side tournament which takes place next Saturday. Arsenal players in the squad include Paul Merson, Nigel Winterburn, Stefan Schwarz (provided his wife lets him play), former US President Jimmy Carter and Ray Parlour. To win tickets just answer the following question:
Ray Parlour’s nickname was a) The Ginger Avenger b) The Romford Pele or c) Johnny Fire-extinguisher.
Answers to [email protected] and the winners will be announced tomorrow.
So until then, Arsefans, have yourselves a very good Thursday. I sincerely hope that you don’t get attacked by an invisible ninja panther assassin. Nobody needs that, especially not on a Thursday.
