Morning all. I am somewhat *boilked* this morning but never mind. Who amongst us has not drank too much at one point in our lives?
Exactly. Which is why we should be forgiving and understanding when it comes to Nicklas Bendtner. I mean who amongst us hasn’t gone out, drank too much, then been photographed with our pants falling down? Christ, I can barely count the times that’s happened to me.
Nicklas, young chap that he is, went out after Tuesday’s disappointing result against United and got drunk. To me there’s no shame in that. I suspect many of us did exactly the same. Then his pants fell down. Pffff, it can happen to anyone and sometimes people think all kinds of wrong things when your pants accidentally fall down. No, lady, I’m not flashing you, my pants just fell down. Sure, it might look like I’m gyrating in a provocative fashion but it’s nothing of the sort, I can assure you.
Personally I blame the trend of young people wearing their pants in a funny way. They seem to think hips are for old people and insist on belting their pants just above what you might call base camp for your mickey. It’s no wonder they have trouble keeping them up.
Anyway, the young man has apologised for his lapse of judgement and I think we should be quite happy to let that be that. I seem to remember us winning trophies when we had players falling out of nightclubs in the past, I suspect Nick is just trying to bring back the glory days to Arsenal.
Meanwhile, Bendtner’s fellow striker, Emmanuel Adebayor, has promised to pay back Arsenal for all they’ve done for him. He says:
Before signing, I can remember people telling me I had the chance to win things. Now I am empty-handed but I don’t have any reason for leaving until I have got trophies and what I came here for.
Arsenal put me where I am today. They made me one of the biggest strikers in the world. I have to pay them back.
‘Strikers’ is the most unusual spelling of the word ‘cunts’ I’ve ever seen in my life, I have to say. I kid, of course. Sort of. Perhaps. Anyway, he’s going to give 100000000000% forever and ever and ever. That may fill you with joy or some other stuff, depending on your inclination. Personally, I’d be happy enough if we cashed in on him this summer. All this Milan talking, Beyonce stuff is just too much for me.
It’s easy to point fingers and go ‘It’s all your fault’ but unquestionably the two defeats against United were entirely the fault of Adebayor. He was also responsible for the Space Shuttle disaster, 9/11 and the alien invasion in V which saw semi-hot alien chicks eat live rats and hybid human-alien babies born. What would you call them, Humians? Anyway, once we’re all down with the live rat eating it’s all good.
The lads have all rallied around Kieran Gibbs who’s feeling low at the moment. Kolo has had nice words to say, Cesc too, and so it should be. Anyone can slip. I remember slipping at the top of a flight of stairs in a bar in London and landing on my hole at the very bottom. This was a big surprise to the chap who was chatting away on his phone at the bottom as I heard him break off from his conversation to say ‘Fucking hell, this bloke has just fallen all the way down the stairs and landed on his hole’.
Luckily for me I was so drunk I didn’t feel a thing. Until the next day when I needed emergency coccyx surgery but the point is that anyone can slip at anytime. Poor old, I mean young, Kieran will be feeling awful as his slip allowed United to score but shit happens and the young man did brilliantly in trying circumstances. He came in for Gael Clichy, played his heart out, and was unlucky that his small error ended up with a United goal.
Right, there’s the small matter of a game against Chelsea this weekend and as bad as we’re feeling about our Champions League exit they must feel a million times worse. I was only able to follow the game via iPhone/BBC Football last night and with a couple of minutes to go and Chelsea 1-0 up I was upset that a repeat of last year’s cuntfest was going to take place.
Then four texts in quick succession alerted me that something good had happened and Barcelona’s late equaliser/winner sets up the final we, after Tuesday, all hoped for.
They’ll be feeling as sick as a parrot. A parrot that has been taken into an alley and raped by a goat with swine flu. That’s what they’ll feel like. And we’ll be all ‘Hahaha, you’ve got swine flu, anally’ and we’ll beat them and win our last two games and finish third. It’s true. More on that game, and Chelsea’s violated ringpiece, in the days to come.
Meantime I need a shower and then I have to get outta here. Till tomorrow.
