You know those people who go about the place with their bluetooth headseats for their mobile phones? And you know the way you look at them and think ‘twat’?
Well Phil Brown is the football equivalent of those people. A man forged by the unholy union between Bolton and Sam Allardyce, squeezed into the world through the septic anus of Satan himself, he out-twatted a million bluetooth headset wearers after last night’s game.
He claimed Cesc Fabregas spat at his assistant, Brian Horton.
Cesc reacted after the game and categorically denied spitting at anyone. As you would expect. He said:
I can understand the frustration of losing a game to a dubious goal, that has happened to me many times in my career as well. But this is not the fault of me or any of the Arsenal players.
I don’t even know who the assistant manager of Hull is or what he looks like. I am told Hull will be making an official complaint about me. Well, I am perfectly relaxed about that. I have nothing to hide. Not one drop of spit left my mouth…I am certain of that.
While Brown says:
For their club captain – Cesc Fabregas – to spit at my assistant-manager at the end of the game just shows you what this club is about.
Well, he can go fuck himself, the cunt. Even if that did happen, which I very much doubt, it says nothing about what Arsenal Football Club is all about. And he knows that well enough. Let’s see if they take it any further than the cosy post-match microphone, where it’s easy to rant. For me it’s simple – if Cesc says he didn’t spit then I believe him. Why wouldn’t I take the word of our captain ahead of a bitter, angry cunt like Phil Brown?
Let’s be very clear about the alliance between Brown and Sam Allardyce. The pair worked together for years, are probably good friends, and appeared together this weekend on Sky’s Goals on Sunday program. The program on which they laughed and joked, during which there was no mention of Diouf’s appalling tackle on Almunia, no mention of Morten Gamst Pedersen’s dive, no mention of the litany of foul play perpetrated by Blackburn during Arsenal’s 4-0 win.
4-0, Sam. That’s a paddlin’!
No doubt, as they supped a pint after the show, Allardyce bitched and moaned about Arsenal and about Wenger with whom he has a serious amount of previous. Last night’s outburst by Brown was born out of that, no doubt about it.
I’m sure he was frustrated by a winning goal which appeared to be offside. I would be too. Everybody would, but these things happen. That’s football. I’m not going to argue whether or not it was offside or not. If we’d conceded it I’d be upset because I’d want the linesman’s flag to go up, but to be perfectly honest I prefer to think that Gallas was offside because it upsets Brown so much.
Brown also complained about the referee. I can understand that too. Mike Riley was rubbish but rubbish for both sides. And it’s Mike Riley for fuck’s sake, what do you expect? You can’t order a shit sandwich and then complain about the taste of poo.
He complained that Arsene Wenger didn’t shake his hand. Arsene should have but it’s not the end of the world that he didn’t. In a way it’s kind of admirable. Why go through the motions of a handshake which is purely for show? In the end it’s probably better to just uphold the convention because it spares you the tedious column inches things like that generate, but I can understand it all the same.
If Arsene complained about the Hull goalkeeper timewasting it was because the Hull goalkeeper was timewasting. He wasn’t making it up. He didn’t get him booked, that was entirely down to the player. At 1-0 up in a cup tie away from home I don’t blame him, but to label our manager ‘disgraceful’ because of his player’s actions is nonsense.
All in all Brown has stirred something which, I hope, has served an important purpose. For too long this season we’ve coasted along with nowhere to focus our ire and frustration but on the team. I’m not saying that it was unmerited but nights like last night remind who the real cunts are and as frustrating as some of our lot are, it’s not them.
It’s people like Allardyce who send their teams out to play anti-football, to deliberately injure players. It’s people like Brown whose shrill bleating puts you in mind of a spoilt bully-boy who’s just found out that not everything goes his way because he shouts, into his poxy looking headset, loudest.
Arsene didn’t shake your hand? Fuck you. Cesc spat at your assistant? Fuck you. Offside winning goal? Fuck you.
Arsenal 2-1 Hull, FUCK. YOU.
I watched Arsene’s post-match press conference on the official site last night – and it’s well worth the few quid for things like that. Of course all the questions were about alleged spitting and lack of handshakes, but he handled it with typical Arsene calm. Another reminder that even though he has made mistakes and frustrated people this season he’s a fantastic man to have at the helm.
So Gallas’s winner, Robin van Persie‘s equaliser after excellent work from Nicklas Bendtner, and we’re through to the semi-final at Wembley.
When the furore dies down that’s what matters.
