When I was a young lad I was a touch more pious than I am these days. Despite the fact there was no internet, no NewsNow, no wall to wall blogs (in fact I didn’t even have the poor man’s internet -Teletext- back then), it became common knowledge that Arsenal wanted to sign Charlie Nicholas from Celtic.
He was a sensation, a liquid football goal machine in green and white hoops, and I desperately wanted him to sign for Arsenal. He had all the big clubs to choose from but what swayed it in Arsenal’s favour was the fact that I would lie in bed at night and say ‘Dear God, please let Charlie Nicholas sign for Arsenal. I promise I’ll go to mass and I’ll tidy my room and I’ll keep it clean and I’ll put my clothes in the linen basket and not on the floor and I’ll do all my homework and study for my exams and everything. Just as long as Charlie signs for Arsenal!’.
And the next day I would get up and go about my business doing none of the things I promised and the next night I would go to bed and say ‘Dear God, please let Charlie Nicholas sign for Arsenal. I promise I’ll go to mass and I’ll tidy my room and I’ll keep it clean and I’ll put my clothes in the linen basket and not on the floor and I’ll do all my homework and study for my exams and everything. Just as long as Charlie signs for Arsenal! But this time I really mean it, I swear’.
And so it would go. Now, there are those of you who will consider my relationship with God a touch one-sided but God did not mind. He is all generous and funky and stuff and he decided to answer my prayers and lo and behold Charlie signed for Arsenal*.
Somewhere in Russia an Owly footballer is going through exactly the same thing. Speaking about the off-off transfer deal that has plagued us for weeks, he said:
My hopes now rest with God. Apart from him, nobody can help me.
And even God would have problems with Gazprom, those are some powerful motherfuckers, let me tell you. Arshavin goes on to say:
Zenit have to think realistically. I believe that Arsenal’s offer is much closer to my real value in the transfer market at the moment.
Well, he would say that as he is obviously desperate to leave and join us. If Arsenal were offering £5.99 he’d try and say that was fair too. The problem is the market is inflated, and not just by megabucks Man City. Sp*rs are doing their bit to keep transfer prices high by spending ludicrous amounts of money on players/second hand players so Zenit are probably thinking Arsenal should be spending that much on their star player.
Maybe God could make it so Arsenal win the EuroMillions lottery draw on Friday. That way we’d have the kind of windfall that meant we could just throw in the extra £5m Zenit are looking for and still have a bit left over for a couple of stadium payments and perhaps a Bischoff or two.
Chairman Peter Hill-Wood, meanwhile, has confirmed we’ve made our final bid, saying:
This is our final offer – we don’t go any further. If we don’t get him, we don’t get him. There are other fish in the sea.
Dennis Lacter, Arshavin’s agent, is branding the Russian team as ‘barbaric‘. If there are other fish in the sea then I suggest we start fishing straight away. There’s a little under two weeks until the transfer window closes and given how long it normally takes us to complete a deal then we’d need to get cracking.
There’s obviously a big, big difference between what Zenit want and what we’re prepared to pay and the club has shown in the past that they’re unwilling to go beyond their valuation of a player. Perhaps if it were just a few hundred thousand we might, but when you’re talking millions and millions of pounds it’s a different matter entirely. Nevertheless Zenit say they hope to reach a ‘logical conclusion‘ and say that Lachter isn’t privy to all the details. It’s all a bit messy.
What would you do, if you were Arsenal? Would you cave into the demands, pay the extra money? Or would you tell them to stuff and look elsewhere? If so who would you bring in? Let me know – some of your thoughts would be interesting for tomorrow’s Arsecast. You can leave a voicemail by calling the Arsecast hotline. The number from inside the UK is 020 3286 6360 or from outside the UK it’s +44 20 3286 6360. Lines are now closed.
Elsewhere Emmanuel Adebayor has been talking and talking about winning the title and all kinds of stuff. It’s like someone gave him the bumper book of footballing clichés. At the moment I don’t want to hear about the title, only the next game.
Last night saw Eduardo continue his comeback from injury against Stoke Reserves at the Brittania Stadium, but it was Jack Wilshere who stole the show. The young man scored both Arsenal’s goals in a 2-2 draw, the first an absolutely stunning effort with the outside of his left foot – animated gif here. He’s really knocking on the door of the first team already and if I were Arsene Wenger I’d certainly be considering him for the FA Cup game on Sunday, and beyond.
I know it’s not the done thing to criticise Eboue any more but if anyone can tell me, hand on heart, that they think Wilshere would bring less to the team than him then I would have them carted away by men in white coats. And I don’t mean polar explorers. Yes, he’s just 17, but he’s clearly an exceptional talent and I don’t think being introduced to first team football would phase him one bit. Nor do I think the team would suffer if he played. Bring on the Jack, Arsene.
Right, that’ll have do ya. Must dash. Have a good one.
* It should be noted that God took his revenge by not giving me any of the stuff I subsequently asked for such as my own island, a spaceship, a bomb to go off under John Terry’s car or the ability to fly like an eagle. He is a revengeful and spiteful God. Oh yes he is.
