Good morning to you all. I hope your head does not hurt like mine. That’s a lie. I hope it does. A problem shared and all that. Although I hope the pain is caused by over indulgence in alcohol and not some kind of tumour.
It’s United tomorrow and in team news the boss is reporting that Gallas and Walcott are both 50-50, Sagna is a ‘slight concern’, while Eboue, Adebayor, van Persie, Chris Kiwomya and Ted Drake are all out due to injury, suspension, old age and corpseosity. Although a zombie Ted Drake would be awesome. He’d put the shits right up Ronaldo and keep him on his feet. He wouldn’t possibly dare roll around on the ground lest zombie Ted devour his braaaaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnns. Mmmmm, brains. Sylvester may be used as a ‘gamble’ and I might just have a punt on him scoring against his old team. If it’s the winner I may even start to like him. Only a little bit though.
There’s a lot of talk coming from United about how they still know they’re going to have to play well despite the fact Arsenal are going through a difficult time. I’ve read Trainspotting star and Ronaldo going on about it. What a pair of cunts. I’m not going to link to them but how dare they be in any way reasonable about anything. I bet they had their fingers crossed when they said it. Look, here’s the thing about Trainspotting star and Ronaldo, they’re cunts and they’d kill your mum given half a chance. Frankly, that the newspapers give them any time at all to air their poisonous, vitriolic views is a disgrace. Of all the United players to hate this weekend these two deserve the most contempt.
Meanwhile Emmanuel Adebayor has obviously taken a serious blow to the head as he says he wouldn’t take any players from the United team to play for Arsenal. Now, leaving aside the fact they’re all a bunch of mum killing cuntbutlers, some of them are quite good at football and would make us better. Honestly, anyone who wouldn’t, on a purely football level, swap Eboue for Ronaldo, for example, is clearly deranged. Sure, Ronaldo doesn’t look as good in a tiger suit but he does have the handy knack of actually scoring goals and winning games. But I can see where Ade’s coming from. It’s all well and good saying ‘Leaving aside the fact they’re all a bunch of mum killing cuntbutlers’, but you can’t leave it aside, can you?
To be honest the only way I’d swap one of our players for theirs is so we could drown them in a vat of slurry, the poxbottles.
Necklace Bender says Arsenal should not be written off in the title race and that he loves playing for Arsenal. I’d love playing for Arsenal too. It was something I dreamt about as a kid and I figured that even if my footballing limitations were exposed I would make up for it with hard work or by doing press interviews calling opposition players ‘cunts’, thereby endearing me to the fans who would share my beliefs. Of course my teenage years spent drinking flagons of cheap cider and falling over did little for my football career and I never had the chance to go on Football Focus and say “Well you know, Bob, it’s going to be a tough game this weekend but the one thing we have going for us is that we’re not despicable, mum killing cunts”. Bob would have nodded sagely. He’d have understood.
Right, that’s about as much as I can muster this morning so we’ll carry on with the Arsecast, shall we? On this week’s show I’m joined by Amy Lawrence from the Observer to talk about Cesc, the United game and the state of things in general. As well as that there’s a player history from the Man in the Bar, Amaury Bischoff PI, Sylvester and other stuff too.
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As well as that there’s a dedicated Arsecast hotline available all season long should you desire to make a comment, get something off your chest, share a song a chant or hilarious anecdote. Feel free to call it any time during the week, it’ll go to voicemail and you can leave your message. The number from inside the UK is 020 3286 6360 or from outside the UK it’s +44 20 3286 6360.
Right, that’s it. I must drink more coffee.
