I’ve been having some trouble sleeping the last few nights. I lie there almost wide awake then drift off into that sleep that doesn’t seem like sleep at all.
I have these strange and weird dreams that make no kind of sense to me at all. Vivid motion picture dreams but at the same time I’m convinced that I’m not asleep. It’s all terribly confusing. I mean, last night I dreamt that we were about to sign Mikael Silvestre from Manchester United.
The fish-faced, Freddie Ljungberg head-butting cunt from Manchester United. I must be eating too much cheese before bed time. Still, it’s good to have a cup of coffee in front of me, open up my browser and check the morning news to get a good, healthy dose of reality.
Oh.
I’m really not sure how to feel about this. On one hand Silvestre is an experienced defender, he’s won titles, played many times for France and would provide better cover at left back than Armand Traore who could then go out on loan and get experience. On the other hand he’s a poxy fucking cunt who can’t seem to close his mouth. Why would we want to sign a player who can’t close his mouth? Many of his injury problems at United have come from swallowing insects as he runs along with his big open gob. I mean, look at him. He was once out for three months when a bee went right down his throat like Luke Skywalker’s bomb in the first Star Wars and stung him on the Adam’s Apple.
While the logical part of me, small as it is, can see some sense in this signing (if it happens) my heart says ‘Noooooooooooooooo’, and I support Arsenal with my heart, small as it is, and not my brain. It’s very difficult to hate a guy for years because he plays for a rival then all of a sudden he’s wearing your shirt and you’re supposed to like him. Because you’re supposed to like every Arsenal player, that’s just the way it is. First Gallas, who I always hated when he was at Chelsea, now Silvestre who I really hated at United. Arsene is making my heart hurt.
Anyway, we can all look forward to the ‘Mikael is an experienced, versatile player who can play at left-back, centre-half, left-wing, central midfield, up front, did I mention central-midfield?, all across the back four and, most importantly, in central midfield’ statement from the boss when he signs. I don’t know whether to cry or weep.
In seriousness though, I’m weeping. I did suggest last week that we might sign two players and this would be a fairly typical Wenger move for the second one. The big one is still to come. The big one is still to come. The big one is still to come. The big one is still to come. Join in. If we all say it enough times the cosmic power of the universe will make it happen. The big one is still to come.
Tomas Rosicky has cleared up his comments saying we win and lose as a team and he was just trying to explain to a Czech newspaper that we’ll have learned from the mistakes we made and be stronger this time around. I suppose that’s fair enough. He should still shut up and get fit though, Tommy Brittlebones.
The manager gets behind Theo Walcott, who had a quiet game on Saturday, and has urged patience over the young man. I really want Theo to do it this season. I have a feeling playing on the right doesn’t suit him as much as we’d hoped it would but hopefully he’ll grow into the role a bit more and kick on again like he did last season.
Samir Nasri, who was called up late to the French squad to replace Hatem Ben Affleck, has now pulled out of it with a thigh strain. It remains to be seen if it’s a real thigh strain or a Giggs not playing for Wales in a friendly thigh strain. Hopefully he’ll be available for the weekend.
And there you go. Your daily dose of Arse over and done with. I can’t believe I’m actually dreaming that I’m writing today’s blog. Talk about it being a part of your life you can escape. This is ridiculous. I mean, Silvestre. I’m going to wake up any minute now and have a good laugh, like when you dream you kill someone and you can’t believe it and the police are after you and then you wake up and you go ‘Phew, it was all a dream’.
Any minute now. Any minute now.
