Good Monday to you all.
It’s quiet again with nothing really new to report. It’s times like this I wonder if I should just make stuff up to make life a bit more amusing. Not crap madey-up stuff like ‘Arsenal set to sign £18m wonder striker’ but cool stuff like ‘Hleb’s move to Barcelona off …’ and then I could write something about how he went home to Minsk to see his family and was devoured by an enormous bear.
I have to say that even if Hleb were eaten by a bear I’d find it very difficult to care, one way or the other. Sure, my interest would be piqued simply because it’s unusual. Premier League footballers are rarely gobbled up by bears so from that point of view it would be vaguely captivating but beyond that I don’t think I’d be that upset really.
I mean, if Cesc was eaten by a bear I think I’d be pretty much heartbroken but Hleb? Nah. I think I’d probably even be able to watch footage of it, provided somebody had filmed it. Or maybe it took place on a street with CCTV cameras – although that would be unusual as we know Hleb prefers to live in the woods. Anyway, it’s unlikely to happen and even less so if the Sun’s report that he’ll be unveiled as a Barcelona player today is true.
They don’t have many bears in Barcelona. In the zoo there are a couple but they’re crap bears. The polar bears in particular are totally rubbish, they just go around and around in circles and bang their heads off things. So unless Hleb really gets on their nerves I think he’ll have a bear free existence in Catalunya. That said I wonder would Thierry Henry pay Eboue to dress up as a bear and savage Hleb to death on the Ramblas one day. Henry and Hleb never saw eye to eye at Arsenal and what better way for the former captain to take his revenge?
[disclaimer] – should Hleb be eaten by a bear, pretend or otherwise, I just want to make it very clear that I had nothing to do with it. I have little or no control over the general bear population [/disclaimer]
The Sun also has a picture of our new away shirt, which we’ve seen already, but which is being modeled by the lovely Cesc, 21, Spain. I love that shirt almost as much as I love Cesc – best away shirt since the 2003-4 season.
The agent of Sergio Aguero says:
I have had interest from a leading English team and they have asked me to approach Atletico with a bid. I cannot say more until I have spoken to the club about the offer. All I can tell you is that it is one of the best teams in Europe and it’s not Chelsea.
I shouldn’t even be mentioning this because Aguero is such a fucking brilliant player it’s making me weep tears of my own brain juice knowing he’ll never play for us. Although, Atletico still owe us money for the transfer of Jose Antonio Reyes (now working for the Madrid parks and gardens department) so perhaps there’s some slight possibility it might be us. No, stop it. Don’t do this to yourself. But I wanna. No. Not in public. But I WANNA. Shhhhhh, here. Coffee, medicine. There you go.
So perhaps later we’ll get some confirmation of Hleb’s departure and I think things could kick off a bit this week. Reports in Spain say Ronaldinho is going to sign for Man City (heh) so that could free up money for Barcelona to bid for Adebaybore or even get AC Milan involved again. We shall see.
Until tomorrow, bear loving bastards.
