Yaaaaaaaawn. I had a dream last night I shot a man in the eye because he tried to tell me a blazer was mine when it wasn’t. Mine had silver buttons on the front and the one he gave me only had plastic buttons. The best part is I don’t even own a blazer. He was ok though, the bullet just came out of the back of his head and he did bleed a bit but seemed otherwise fine.
Speaking of hideous mutants Frank Ribery is dreaming of playing for Arsenal. Or Manchester United. Or Barcelona. Or Real Madrid. Or Chelsea. Or Milan. He says his decision won’t be down to the money on offer though. It’s all about the playing of the football. Good to see he’s got such lofty ambitions though and when you consider he was born to be a gargoyle he’s done well for himself.
The Reyes situation gets more complicated. This also leaves Julio Baptista’s future up in the air but the Brazilian definitely won’t show off his curves in lingerie no matter who’s watching. He says:
If I stay at Arsenal and Reyes stays at Madrid, then Real have to pay Arsenal £3m and the problem is over.
Well, in one sense the problem is over. In another sense the problem would still be wearing number 9 and charging round the field like a retarded hippo with a club foot. Perhaps a solution would be to have Reyes and Baptista fight to the death, sell a load of tickets and premium pay per view rights and split the money with Real Madrid. Another solution would be to bring them both into the woods and drive off leaving them both to be raised by wolves. Or squirrels.
Arsene Wenger says the lads will feel much more at home next season at Ashburton Grove. Hopefully the fans will feel more at home too. Some of them get so confused about where they are they simply go home and forget they’re watching a football match that lasts 90 minutes, not 75.
Lyon have told Arsenal to be ‘en garde’ about Remi Garde. Pistols at dawn? Sabres at half past three? Pie throwing some time after 9? He’s linked with the new ‘director of football’ position (personally I’d go for Martin Scorsese – “Whaddya mean you don’t wanna sign a new contract you liddle fuck? Sign it. *slap*”) which has to be filled before we can do any of the no transfer business we won’t not be doing this summer.
Arturo Lupoli says he learned a lot from his time at Arsenal and will go back to Italy a better player. He’s spent the season on loan at Derby and has signed for Fiorentina. He has encouraged more young Italian players to come to England because they get more chances of first team football and England has Cadbury’s Creme Eggs. He loves Creme Eggs.
Young defender Joe O’Cearuill has been called up to the Republic of Ireland squad for a summer tournament in the US of A. Steve Staunton rang me up and asked me to play but I said I couldn’t as I had a very busy schedule and, honestly speaking, I couldn’t bear to listen to him for any length of time without caving the back of his head in with a plank of wood. He took it very well, I have to say. Well done to Joe, the experience won’t do him any harm but I recommend he has his iPod on at all times to drown out Staunton’s incessant chatter.
Arseblog’s Polish correspondants say that Lukasz Fabianski is in London and a deal to sign him is near completion.
Some years ago David Bowie told us that we can be heroes, just for one day. It’s true. You can’t be an Arsenal fan for just one day though. David Bowie never said you could.
