On the same floor as my apartment is a travel agency which seems to specialise in bargain trips for cretins. I say this because there are three doors on the floor when you get out of the lift.
5-1, which is my flat, 5-2 which is the flat of my neighbours and 5-Estudio which is where the travel agency for cretins is. On the front door down at the street each flat has a buzzer. Mine is marked 5-1, my neighbours is marked 5-2 and the travel agency for cretins is clearly marked 5-Estudio.
So it would make sense that if you want to talk to them you push their buzzer. Not likely. It seems most people are too lazy to see if there are any other buzzers on the 5th floor so they insist on pushing my one.
“Travel agency for cretins?”, they’ll ask in that uniquely Spanish way which does not involve any kind of greeting or good manners.
“No”, I’ll say. “The travel agency for cretins is 5-Estudio. Push that and they’ll let you in.”
So they do and then they come up in the lift and then they ring my front doorbell despite the fact my door says 5-1 and not 5-Estudio like the door just to the right of the lift.
“Travel agency for cretins?”
“No, that would be the door with the ‘Travel agency for cretins’ sign beside it. You know 5-Estudio, like I just told you not 2 minutes ago.”
“Gumph”, they’ll huff and walk off without so much as a ‘Sorry for distrurbing you’.
The travel agency for cretins is obviously running a fucking mega-cretin-Joey Deacon special at the moment because they’re fucking banging my door down, the witless cunts.
Then to top it all off a woman rings on my doorbell this morning with a piece of paper looking for the lawyers office which is on the floor beneath me. It says ‘Barcelona lawyers, 4-1: 4th floor, door 1’.
“This is the fifth floor. The lawyers is on the floor below”, I say, sure that my simple explanation won’t cause any confusion.
“Eh?”, she says.
“Me no lawyer. Lawyer downstairs”, I say making a downwards pointy gesture.
“Gah?”
“4th floor = lawyer. 5th floor = no lawyer. You are on the 5th floor.”
“Buh?”
“OH GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU STUPID COW!”. I slam the door and look out the spyhole just in time to see her ring on the neighbour’s bell.
Jesus wept.
Not much Arsenal news around. Adebayor scored in a friendly for Togo, Thierry Henry starts for France tonight and Alan Smith reports from the England training camp on the Arsenal players involved.
Update: Sol Cambell says:
The likelihood that I will go to Fenerbahce is higher than the likelihood that I won’t.
Oh, and there’s the buzzer again. Joy.
