november 17th
Wanted: Hitman or assassin to take on the relatively easy task of killing workman with pneumatic drill. Snipers, dudes with baseball bats and stabby chaps all welcome to apply. Pay €50 per workman + bonus if scalps are left on their hut. Contact box #435 for more details.
Today sees some international friendlies. Gormless England captain David Beckham led the English anti-Reyesism campaign and Gary Neville and chums worse t-shirts to let everyone know they hate our Sevillian striker. Sven, who presents like a cat in heat whenever Beckham is near, gave his full backing to the players and said he’d have a word with Gary Neville to ensure that the bruises that have faded after the Old Trafford game could be reapplied to José’s ankles. It’s Spain v England tonight at the Bernebeu in Madrid. May the Lord grant the Spaniards the peace and serenity needed to kick Rooney off the park and out of the game for a few months. Amen, and stuff.
Last night saw England’s U-21s (without Jermaine Pennant) get beaten 1-0 by their Spanish counterparts. Our man Cesc came off the bench to score the winner, a lovely free kick by all accounts.
Some worrying news on the injury front. Thierry Henry has an achilles problem, similar to the one Sol Campbell is currently suffering, and he reckons he’s only playing at 70% of his ability. He’s playing through the pain but what’s worrying is what he says about Sol. “Sol has a similar injury and has twice taken breaks. But he still feels bad when he returns. It has been pointless for him.”
Whether that means Sol is going to need surgery to fix the problem, I don’t know, but what I do know is we need him back in our defence as soon as possible. There are all kinds of stats which show how much we miss Sol. With him in the team we only concede a goal once every 17 months, with Cygan in the side that stat changes to a goal every 65 seconds. So you can see how important he is to the team.
In transfer news it’s being reported that we’re signing Beveren and Ivorian defender Manu Eboué. The news comes from the official Beveren website which says that he signed a 4.5 year deal. He played some pre-season games at right back where he impressed some people. Could the threat of a new player explain Lauren’s great form? Anyway, no doubt we’ll get some confirmation on this soon enough. Or not.
Thanks for all your entries to the goalhanger competition. The answer to the question was ‘false’. Herbert Chapman was not Lee Chapman’s Dad. Herbert Champman was a great football manager, Lee Chapman was an absolute plank of a player. Fairly obvious one, I know. That didn’t stop one person sending two entries one after the other with both answers, just to make sure. Anyhow, the winners are Patrick Rochford and Mark Sugarman. I’ll be in touch with both of you to get addresses and sizes and such like.
Right. The drilling has stopped. The hut is probably filled with workmen. Cover your ears….
