august 15th
07.55 – Well, it seems like it’s been forever, but the new season kicks off tomorrow.
Having given this no thought whatsoever, and just writing this crap as it comes into my head, here are my predictions for the coming season.
1st in the Premiership: Arsenal. Last year I predicted us to finish in the top two for a Guardian article. And lo and behold I was right. So this year I reckon it’ll be the top 1 for the Gunners. Followed in 2nd by United, then Chelsea, Newcastle and possibly a surprise package like Blackburn. Liverpool to finish 8th, Houllier to get show le door.
1st Arsenal player to be sent off: Not counting Frank Jeffers I’m going for a double yellow dismissal for Lauren.
1st Arsenal goalscorer: Robert Pires, tomorrow.
Arsenal player of the season: Kolo Toure for becoming the world’s finest centre-half in one season.
1st manager to get the boot: Glenn Hoddle.
3 relegated teams: I think it’ll be back to the Nationwide for Wolves and they’ll be joined by Fulham and may the lord do his magic, Bolton who will achieve a record low of 16 points all season, the cunts.
People to get ‘warm’ reception at THOF: Teddy, Ole, Allardyce.
Mike Riley watch: I predict he’ll give Man Utd 5 penalties next season.
Poll watch: I predict he’ll be a prick all season long.
So there you have it. Well though out, scientifically backed predictions for the season ahead*
According to today’s Sun, Arsene Wenger is thinking of banning Sky cameras from the Arsenal training ground in response to what he feels is biased coverage against the Gunners. Interesting. Thierry Henry reckons this could be the most open title race in years. He says “This will be the season where more than two teams are fighting it out for the title. We’re not concerned that we haven’t signed more players. We have kept everyone together and that is important.”
Sol Campbell’s kick at Eric Bongo-Bongo has been referred to the FA’s video advisory panel. It’s lucky for us that Kolo is about the become the world’s greatest centre-half.
Nicolas Anelka “Let Santini get on his knees in front of me and apologise first and then I’ll think about playing for France.” heh – good man. I like his style.
Ok, that’s yer lot. Time to wash my lucky socks…
*predictions may be wrong as well as right. arseblog takes no responsibility for anyone wishing to bet large sums of money on this basis of these predictions. If they’re wrong, it’s all Perry’s fault.
