may 25th
10.06 – After trawling website after website this morning, the only thing I could find was a story about Kanu being allowed to leave for free but turning down an approach by some club in the Middle East. Can’t say I blame him really. There’s also something vaguely Arsenal related in that Gareth Southgate has said he’d consider leaving Boro for Champions League football. We could do worse Arsene.
Apart from that there’s nothing going on. So, here’s a few more from the file marked ‘Where are they now?’
- Steve Morrow – after a spell in the USA playing for the Colorado Shitkickers, Steve decided to try something different. He bought a small island in the Black sea and now spends his days cross-breeding animals for nefarious purposes. He has had some success with his Basset Hound/Antelope cross, the legendary Basselope®, but his Batpanzee and ElephAnt (a giant grey insect that’s afraid of mice) have still to get beyond prototypes. If you’re ever out that way, he has a petting zoo which is used to raise money for his work. Just ask locally for the Island of Dr.Morrow.
- Steve Gatting – along with his brother Mike, he’s become heavily involved in the arms industry. The two brothers have been working on a devastating new weapon which is being tested by the US Army at the moment. Using their own DNA, the brothers create thousands of marble shaped clones of themselves, and harden them by dipping them in vinegar like a good conker. The clones are then loaded into the weapon, which can shoot 500 of these projectiles per second. With a range of nearly 1 kilometre the brothers hope their Gatting Guns will make them a fortune which they can spend on beard trimmers and singing lessons.
- Alberto Mendez – he only left the Gunners last season, but already people ask ‘Where is he now?’ Leaving London in July, Alberto travelled through France on his Vespa, stopping to sample various wines and cheeses, and continued down into Spain, stopping at the eastern seaside town of Cubelles. He took on some work as a fisherman and was quite successful until he was caught in a storm one day. Alberto’s small boat was washed way out to sea. With no radio, GPS or any other communication device he drifted aimlessly for weeks, before eventually landing on an Island populated only by Tom Hanks and a basketball. Alberto took his own life seconds later.
- Pal Lydersen – the most talented player never to play more than 10 games for Arsenal, people put his signing down to the fact that George Graham got a shitload of money for buying him. Not true. The problem was Pal was so good, he would have made the rest of the team look average it would have destroyed the fans faith in the team. So he hardly played at all, and when he did he was under strict instructions to be absolutely shit. When he left Highbury, he back-packed around Tibet for a while, then down into India where he turned his talents to plant growing. He invented a new Marijuana plant that is so strong that even touching the leaves to roll a joint produces hallucinations, munchies and the urge to listen to music with lots of cool sounds in the background that you never normally hear. He lives in the base of a giant tree with a monkey called Timothy.
- Chris Whyte – he may have been patchy of hair and patchy of form on the football pitch, but this centre-half cum centre-forward is now legendary in the world of illegal cuisine. Fronting as a fish and chip shop in North London, a secret back room houses a 5 star restaurant serving endangered species to the decadent, upper classes. His ‘Panda a la Creme’ and ‘Siberian Tiger roasted with honey and meercat’ are world famous in those circles. His other specialities include Polar bear-cub tartar, a wonderful Amouse Bouche made from baby seal, a tangy Tuna salad with real dolphiny bits, and hard boiled Rhino. The seat cushions are covered with Snow Leopard fur while salads and soups are served in bowls made from freshwater turtle shells.
Right, that’s it. If anything Arsenal related happens, you’ll probably hear it first on the forum. Have a happy Sunday.
