I reckon it’s going to be a fairly quiet week. Lots of our players will be going off on international duty. Some of them won’t. Instead of training the lads will sit around and play Battleships and keep a close eye on Mathieu Flamini as he is always moving his patrol ship when he thinks people aren’t looking. I’m told Denilson prefers Yahtzee while Mart Poom is the Mouse Trap champion of the squad. He hasn’t been beaten since 1987 in any competition and is the Estonian record holder after he thrashed former President Lennart Meri in a worldwide invitational which took place in the Dorchester Hotel two Septembers ago.
Arsene Wenger will stand with his arms folded looking at how his players react to the various situations these skillful games throw at them. From time to time he will make notes and whisper things to Pat Rice. This always makes Manuel Almunia nervous as he is not really one for board games preferring instead to doodle lots of little heads with varying hairstyles.
Thierry Henry won’t be there. He’ll be away with France, getting involved in Cluedo marathon with Vieira and Makelele, and he says he doesn’t know if he’s going to play in the Carling Cup final. Speaking to reporters in Dubai yesterday, he said:
The so-called kids have been doing tremendously (in the League Cup). Whatever is the decision of the boss, I have to accept it.
I can see him being on the bench though. Let’s face it, Chelsea are going to play Drogba and Shevchenko and the rest of their motley crew. While I firmly believe the likes of Aliadiere and Baptista deserve to start the game it would be slightly foolish not to have as strong a bench as possible to augment the team if needed.
And after fresh speculation about his future by witless, talentless hacks in yesterday’s newspapers the captain said:
It was the Sunday Express who said that the Arsenal board had decided that the club should cash in on Henry and sell him to Real Madrid or Barcelona. Utter nonsense of course despite the fact that Henry has bought a house in both those cities, found a school for his kid, organised to have the newspapers delivered each morning and has a sign outside each property saying ’1 pint semi-skimmed, half a litre of fresh cream. Thanks!’
As well as that the suits in the boardroom have decided to negotiate a takeover offer which came from American crooner Michael Bolton. His attempt to take over Bolton Wanderers was dismissed out of hand by Sam Allardyce who is a huge of fan Kenny G, Michael Bolton’s sworn enemy. The two fell out when G, at the last minute, refused to play the sax part of Gerry Rafferty’s Baker Street at a Bolton concert at Madison Square Garden. An emergency solution of finding an audience member with a kazoo meant the once bemulleted crooner was roundly mocked in the music press and his previous pristine reputation was in ruins.
It’s thought that Bolton has told the board they should sell Henry and replace him with Cobi Jones and Roy Wegerle’s son, Roy Wegerle II – The Son of Roy, so Henry can be sold to raise funds for a new concept album he’s putting together.
Sources close to one particular board member said: “Get your Arsenal shares here! Come on D-D-Down!!”
What a busy morning.