tim_new_2015
28 Jul 2016

Arsenal’s 5 step plan for improvement

Arsenal trailed champions Leicester City by a total of ten points last season, with Per Mertesacker admitting that it was “a miracle” that the Gunners finished as high as second place. So what were the major flaws that impeded the team from mounting a concerted title challenge? What are the

7 arses
tim_new_2015
21 Jul 2016

A Decade at Emirates Stadium: A Personal Reflection

10 years ago this week (indeed, to this day if you are reading on Friday) the Emirates Stadium hosted a fixture for the first time. I was 22 years old the summer that the club closed the doors on Highbury for the final time. I had been a season ticket

9 arses
tim_new_2015
14 Jul 2016

Be My Number Two

With Euro 2016 confined to the attic, Arsenal fans can pool their collective energy into freaking out about the transfer market. (WE’RE SIGNING A STRIKER AREN’T WE?! SOMEONE GENTLY STROKE MY HAIR AND TELL ME WE’RE SIGNING A STRIKER!) Arsene Wenger has plenty of twisting to do on his transfer

3 arses
tim_new_2015
07 Jul 2016

Arsene’s Agenda

Arsenal have plenty of unfinished business in the transfer market this summer. As the European Championships wind down, the peddlers of transfer smut will return to their stalls and players brief their agents from the sun lounger of some impossibly exclusive beach resort. The Euros have served as a comet

19 arses
tim_new_2015
30 Jun 2016

Which Striker? (Guide to the Galaxy)

June has yet to make way for July, yet this is already my third article of the close season about Arsenal and centre forwards. As many a lovelorn individual will tell you, increased desperation does not mean increased availability. Jamie Vardy has already flashed his ring finger at Arsenal this

14 arses
tim_new_2015
23 Jun 2016

Alexis Sanchez, maybe?

Arsenal and centre forwards feels increasingly like a story of unrequited love. It has been a continuous soap opera of spurned advances and no small amount of questionable characters. In the transfer market, the apple of Arsene’s eye has rejected his proposal on several occasions now, whilst closer to home

2 arses
tim_new_2015
16 Jun 2016

It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas

In 2016, international football occupies a curious space within the sport. Once considered the pinnacle of the game, club football has spread its tentacles and expanded aggressively, enlarging itself in everybody’s consciousness. The narrative thread provided by round the clock coverage of the Premier League and the Champions League are

8 arses
tim_new_2015
09 Jun 2016

(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Vardy)

Arsenal need a clinical striker this summer. This has passed from commonly held opinion into the realms of bona fide fact. Arsenal need a clinical striker like Michael Owen needs a personality implant. Arsene Wenger is fully aware of this too, for this is not a new or recent requirement.

7 arses
tim_new_2015
02 Jun 2016

Calum Chambers Gonna Change Your Mind?

The immediate future of Calum Chambers has been subject to plenty of discussion over the last few weeks. The 21 year old struggled for minutes this season, starting only 2 Premier League games. He made 12 appearances overall in the league, compared to 22 in 2014-15. He acquitted himself well

3 arses
tim_new_2015
26 May 2016

I Wanna Be In That Number

“11:15, restate my assumptions: 1. Mathematics is the language of nature. 2. Everything around us can be represented and understood through numbers. 3. If you graph these numbers, patterns emerge. Therefore: There are patterns everywhere in nature.” That’s a quote from one of my favourite movies; Darren Aronofsky’s Pi, about

4 arses
Arsenal Gentleman's Weekly Review
20 May 2016

Arsenal Gentleman’s Weekly Review

Was there ever a more hilarious ending to a football season than this one just past? One so rib-ticklingly amusing, so stomach-burstingly mirthful? Perhaps. Anno Lasagnum, 2006, was perhaps its equal. But even that glorious day, with its comically Spursian gourmet twist, suggesting faecally polluted pasta-based sabotage by a Goonerian

0 arses
tim_new_2015
19 May 2016

Farewell, Little Moz-Arteta

Less sympathetic Arsenal commentators describe Theo Walcott as the emblematic player of the Emirates era. An expensive show of faith in potential unrealised, occasional glimpses of promise punctuated by yawning stretches of injury and incompetence. He gives you just enough to keep you engaged, to convince yourself that there is

11 arses