Sunday, December 4, 2022

Saturday round-up

*boilk*

I got up this morning to go to the bathroom then went back to bed, head pounding, and then lay there unhappy that I couldn’t go back to sleep. However, I did go back to sleep as I had a dream that I’d been asked to play a football match and the manager of the other team was Teddy Sheringham.

Somehow he discovered that I was an Arsenal fan and put me on the bench which made me quite cross.

“You’d better put me on soon, you twat,” I said.

“You’re not doing your chances of getting on any good by calling me a twat,” he replied.

“There’s nothing I can do about that,” I said.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because,” I said, somewhat exasperated, “you’re a twat.”

I don’t know what happened then because the next thing I know there’s 40 kilo German Shepherd standing on my chest licking my face. Still, at least there’s plenty of recovery time before we play on Monday night. I don’t know that I could cope with a game against Chelsea today, and I only have to watch.

The news ahead of that is that Laurent Koscielny will miss the game because of his gash, while Jack Wilshere is obviously out having had his two match ban upheld by The FA. Other than that we’ve got a clean bill of health, and we welcome back Lukas Podolski for the first time since the end of August.

He tore his hamstring so badly that his left buttock actually caved in and required an implant. He’s the first player in history to have a bionic arse, and this will hopefully add even power to his shots which are already more powerful something really powerful but because of the state of my brain this morning I can’t think of anything so just go with it.

I’m hopeful that at some point on Monday he’s going to smash one which will either go in or knock John Terry’s head off. It’s hard to know which to prefer. The goal would seem most obvious but what if we’re already 3-0 ahead, then it would seem inopportune to miss the chance to Podblast Terry. Don’t they keep telling us to kick racism out of football?

Anyway, you have to say his return is well timed. Both he and Walcott bring fresh legs and something different to our attack, so that’s a boost before the fixture list goes completely crazy.

In other news, the boss says the last two games won’t have negative affected the belief of the squad. Two losses, to Man City and Napoli, have set us back a little bit, but Arsene says that won’t be a factor going into Chelsea:

We have made good results until now because we have a good solidarity level and a good togetherness in the squad, and I don’t see any sign of that dropping. I think even more that the players are focused to respond on Monday night. It can happen in a season when sometimes you have a bit of a weaker period. How you respond to this kind of problem is what matters.

Let’s hope this is as weak as it gets. Taking three points from Chelsea would certainly be a nice way to get going again. There’ll obviously be more to say on this game tomorrow and Monday so I don’t want to use it all up today. A little bit gradual, or something.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain says he’s been using his injury lay-off to work on his body. He says:

I’ve taken this opportunity really to work on myself in a more physical way, in a more physical aspect, looking at areas of my body and strengthening different areas. Stuff like your hips that you wouldn’t really think about strengthening prior to getting an injury like this.

For all the medical advances we’ve made, the best way to strengthen your hips is a couple of hours of hopscotch a day. They’ve built a specially designed indoor hopscotch arena at London Colney too, so he should be right as rain when he gets back.

The Arsenal Gent looks back on the week that was in his well named weekly review. Do it.

Right, that’s it. I can’t do any more. I’ll leave you with the video from yesterday’s Arsecast duet – A Fairytale of North London, and it’s available in audio only (and for download) via the Soundcloud page. Have a good one, time for bacon and Solpadeine.

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