Friday, March 31, 2023

The future is now. Or something.

I invented a new cocktail last night. It’s called a vodka scrompler and it’s goddam delicious. I blame that for the rather strange dream I had which involved Arsenal appointing Ben Stiller as manager, but it was the Ben Stiller from Dodgeball rather than the Ben Stiller from Zoolander or the Ben Stiller from The Royal Tenenbaums. And in his first press conference he punched a reporter from the Sun for making a joke about his moustache.

As you’ll have noticed there’s nothing really going on. The Higuain stuff is still the Higuain stuff. Reports that Real Madrid have dug their heels in looking for a higher fee may well be true, but after signing Isco from Malaga, they’ve also agreed a €30m fee for Asier Illarramendi of Real Sociedad.

Interestingly, he’s a player I was told we had our eye on, but as rich as Madrid are, they can’t keep spending without bringing something back in. The optimist in me makes me think this is all posturing and brinksmanship, and if they do want a few bob extra then there’s nothing wrong with that either. Let’s not forget we’re a club that got a combined £75m from Man City for four players worth nowhere near that much.

Yes, I know it’s Man City and they are to wise spending what Emmanuel Adebayor is to hard work and understanding of the offside rule, but still. We’ve done exactly the same, played hardball with players we don’t really want to lose, so it’s all part of the game. If we want the Higster, we’ll get him.

Meanwhile, reports suggest Marouane Chamakh is on his way to Levante. Or is he? It might well be just coincidence, but last week, as a small experiment, I added a line about Chamakh and ‘reported interest’ from Levante to this story. It was fiction, made up on the spot.

Unless I have become some kind of soothsayer or prophet, I suspect that the two things are entirely related and, as such, Levante have no interest at all in him. Which would make sense, as although people who run football clubs can be a bit mental – see West Ham for taking him on loan in January (something I’m convinced was part of a blackmail scenario with Arsene having something very incriminating on the Despicable Walrus) – I don’t see any evidence as yet that Levante are quite that mad.

On the other hand, we might well be in ‘If you build it, they will come’ territory, and by simply saying it, it has become true. In which case:

– Andre Santos is attracting interest from his old club Fenerbache
– Park Ju Young could return to Ligue Uuuuuuuun with Guingamp
– Any old eejit will pay us some money for Nicklas Bendtner
– I bought last night’s winning EuroMillions ticket

That should do it. You can thank me later. Finally for today, there were some squad number shuffles yesterday as Yaya Sanogo was announced as number 22, taking Francis Coquelin’s old number, while Abou Diaby has changed to number 24.

Does this mean a real number 2 is coming in? And by real, I mean a right back, who should always be 2 with the left back at 3. Will Carl Jenkinson move to 2 with A N Other taking 25? The possibilities are … well … possible. Anything could happen and dammit, it doesn’t get more exciting than player numbers. Oh yeah.

Right, the sun is already shining here, I have a wolf that will enjoy a good roam around the Phoenix Park before it gets busy, time to make the most of it.

Till tomorrow.

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