Monday, December 11, 2023

Saturday balderdash


it’s the first Saturday of the off-season and we awake to stories about how Arsenal might buy Wayne Rooney. Pffff, I say. And pssshawww. If Arsenal were going to pay a quarter of a million pounds a week on wages for a footballer – which they’re not, just in case you were confused – I’d want it be spent on somebody who’s actually worth it and not him.

The whole ‘worth it’ thing is another question. Is any footballer really worth that much money every week? Messi or Ronaldo, perhaps, but when you look at what Man City have done to the game, thrusting gimpy mundane mediocrities like Gareth Barry, Adebayor and Na$ri into that bracket then as a general rule they earn far more than their talent suggests.

As for Rooney, this is a man so surrounded by the vultures of the game that he publicly questioned the ambition of Manchester United, the most successful in England over the last 20 years, just so he could get a pay-rise. If he’s willing to act like that towards Ferguson, somebody he ought to have genuinely respected (as well as feared), then he’d take the almighty piss under another manager.

He’s got issues with Moyes (reading some of the excerpts from his toe-curling biography hammers home what a self-obsessed moron he is), he likes to smoke and drink, apparently, and he looks like he’d be the kind of physical specimen that will rapidly morph into Mickey Quinn territory as he gets close to 30. With Rob the Chef feeding him he’d belly-swoggle his way onto the pitch like a corpulent, asthmatic walrus, his pendulous breasts heaving beneath his over-sized Demis Roussos style Arsenal-coloured smock. No, thank you.

Anyway, the idea of Arsenal paying that much money for any player is ludicrous. We might be in better shape financially but this would be like winning the lottery then blowing it all buying a clapped out Rolls Royce just because it belonged to somebody famous.

We cannot spend money like this. While we certainly have more money than in the past, we still need to be smart and lashing £250,000 down the gullet of Wayne Rooney is not smart. Forget the Falcaos and Cavanis too, but there’s no doubt we can afford to buy a better quality of player this time around.

Other than that it’s pretty quiet as you might imagine, but there is the Champions League final later. I am nailing my colours very firmly to the Dortmund mast. Although I have tried, words cannot express my disdain for Bayern Munich for twice letting horrendous things happens in the final. First off, there was 1999 and that treble, and then the year they made the full kit wanker happy, blowing the chance to win the cup in glorious, Robbenesque fashion.

So tonight I hope Klopp and his men get what they deserve, especially after Bayern tore them apart by agreeing the signing of Gotze in the build-up to their semi-final, and it’s an issue that obviously impacts on the game. The player himself has been ruled out, leaving a gaping red hole in the middle of the Dortmund team, but I hope they’ve got enough to cope and to put the repellent Ribery and the rest of them to the sword.

Ideally, Bayern will lose it rather than Dortmund winning it, if you get me, and I hope it happens in the most slapstick, ludicrous, heart-breaking way possible. Ich bin ein Dortmunder. Or something.

Anyway, the sun is shining, I have a large wolf that needs to go out to roam across much land and water, so I’ll leave it there. Back tomorrow.

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