Right, big game today and all that. Man City. I remember when they used to be just fields. The other team in Manchester who everyone kind of had a soft spot (sort of) for because they were United’s poor relation. Not just the poor relation though. They were the keen, eager yet drooling relation with a club foot and a cleft palate who really wanted to join the kickabout and nobody had the heart to refuse.
‘Poor old Spackity Joe’, they’d say. ‘Look how when he tries to kick the ball he falls over and busts up his teeth. It’s sad’.
Now, however, they’ve changed, metamorphosed (really?) into something quite different. With them now comes the arrogance of wealth and the bullying, nasty nature that brings. It’s not a slight on Roberto Mancini, by the way, but if Brian Marwood got hit by a car while crossing the road and was lying shivering, fatally injured I’d still find it hard to hold him in anything other than contempt. As for David Platt, that header against United was a thing of beauty, no doubt about it, but I can’t see his gigantic moony head and think of him as an Arsenal man. Mostly because he’s not.
From our point of view there’s nothing in the way of team news that should surprise us. Nobody’s crippled that we don’t already know about so I’m thinking a line up the same as Everton is in order. That means: Szczesney – Djourou – Mertesacker – Koscielny – Vermaelen – Song – Arteta – Ramsey – Gervinho – Walcott – van Persie
To me that looks a very decent team indeed. City have millions and billions and bazillions and lots and lots of excellent players (and Nasri) but they can only play 11 of them at one time. Their money hasn’t yet enabled them to field the extra man they feel they deserve so I quite fancy us to get something today. Any underestimatation of them would be foolish though, their quality on paper is obvious and today is going to be a very tough test indeed.
From a defensive point of view what they have to offer is far superior to any team we’ve faced in the last couple of months. When we highlight the work that Theo Walcott has been doing, for example, it’s crucial that that work ethic is prevalent today. Any slacking off and City have the quality to punish us with their team of unfortunate looking megastars.
I mean, let’s face it, they are an ugly lot. If I had that much money I’d try and buy players who were good and handsome (like Robert Pires) and not the ‘Oh shit, we’ve got to keep him in the attic lest he scare the neighbours’ brigade that City have brought in. Nasri, where’s his chin? And David Silva looks like a jaundiced loft dweller. Sure, he’s excellent at football and all that but if you can afford to pay him £180,000 per week surely you can afford the best plastic surgeon to make him less wretched looking. I do wonder where people’s priorities are these days.
Anyway, provided we work hard (and if I were manager I’d remind our players that each and every City player is tainted by the aura of Adebayor) I think we can certainly frustrate them. With our front three – and beyond – we’ve got more than enough to cause their defence problems. I’d like nothing more than for Lescott to eat his words the same way Godzilla tried to eat him before spitting him out, disgusted at the taste. Talk about our captain, eh? Express your desire to see van Persie at Man City, you say?
I want a Robin goal and then for Robin to celebrate lifting his shirt to reveal an Arsenal tattoo on his right nipple and then for Alex Song to hold down Lescott while van Persie rubs his nipple in his face. Lescott’s face. Not Song’s. Let’s not make this too homo-erotic. It is a Sunday after all and many people just can’t cope with such imagery on a day like today. The point is that Julian Lesbot needs to be reminded that all the money in the world doesn’t mean he can go about the place like a monstrous, English Xavi talking about whoever he wants.
So, to conclude, they are vile, pale blue nouveau riche cuntjanitors who really need to be taken down a peg or two. There’s no doubt they’re going to be right up there when it comes to the title this year so any points we can take from them will be very significant indeed. Let’s hope that our resurgence and confidence allows us to do that and we can remember when they were just Spackity Joe.
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As usual we’ve teamed up with Paddy Power to give you up to a £50 free bet – simply click here to register with Paddy Power. And they’ve got a special for today: If Balotelli or Van Persie scores the last goal, Paddy Power will refund all losing 1st /last goalscorer, correct score & scorecast singles on the match.
If that tickles your fancy, follow the links to Sir Patrick of Power and do your stuff. Now, I’ve got to make bacon. And other assorted pork products.