Wednesday, September 27, 2023

I never thought I could feel so free-eee-eeeeeeee

Morning to you, shall we start with some good news this morning?

It’s not much, but it’s something. Jack Wilshere’s injury is not thought to be too bad and he reckons he should only be out for a couple of days. This will then allow him to recover in time to injure it properly playing for England next week in the round of senseless international friendlies that take place.

I mean, what better preparation for a new season than to disrupt training the week before the league kicks off by having players called up for their countries and traveling thither and yon to play stupid games that nobody cares about? Only stupid people with stupid heads, like Stuart Pearce and Lily Allen’s dad, probably.

If we’d had any sense we’d have ruled Jack out for the season to ensure he missed the international then cited the work of some healing lady who used the blessed placenta of the holy goat of Ballymebollix as the reason for his sudden recuperation. Still, as long as we have these problematic things called countries we’re going to have to put up with internationals.

In other news it’s not looking promising for the Phil Jagielka transfer. Despite swathes of rumours and necks being put on the line online about his arrival The Mirror says that he’s ‘ready to snub’ a move because he’d prefer to stay at Everton. I have no idea how true that is, although the little bit of scouting round some Everton websites suggested he is indeed very happy there and in that part of the country, and that it would surprise many if he left. And if that’s the case, if he likes playing for Everton and feels he’s earning enough then fair play to him. Can’t argue with that one bit.

Of course it leaves us still in need of a centre-half and The Mail say Arsene is going to send Steve Rowley to watch Birmingham’s Scott Dann this weekend. Now, I may not know the ins and outs of transfers and scouting but it strikes me that if we had a genuine interest in a payer we’d probably have scouted him well before now. There’s a suggestion that we’re looking to see if he’s recovered from an severe hamstring strain but wouldn’t the fact that he’s playing at all be an indication of that?

And not that I’m being overly picky or anything but Scott Dann? He sounds like a bit part actor who had the odd role in stuff like The Greatest American Hero and Simon and Simon. He was probably a weak chinned guy who was the boyfriend of some girl who fell for the main character, or a really shit villain. I know, you can’t judge a man by his name, but signing a centre-half called Thor Smashington or Ironfist Murdereyes would at least give the player some immediate awesomeness as he tried to adapt.

It may be just guesswork on the part of The Mail, or indeed pure fiction, but if there is even a hint of truth in it, it suggests we’re not quite on Plan A when it comes to our potential centre-half signing. Or Plan B. Or C. There are only 26 letters in the alphabet, sadly. Or Plan Z19. I would hope we’re not quite flying by the seat of our pants as this would suggest but it’s hard to be too confident considering we’ve had all summer to sign a defender and haven’t done so yet.

The Cesc thing rumbles on and on and on with no sign of anything happening. Some outlets are reporting a final bid from Barcelona of £35m + add-ons, The Times this morning says Barcelona’s final, take it or leave it, offer is £29.6m + £5.4m. In which case I would say “You know what? We’ll leave it, thanks for your time, buh-bye now!” and if they ever rang me again I’d simply blast an air-horn down the line until they got the message. Cheap-arsed cunts.

That’s just me though. I suspect Barcelona’s relentless cuntery has worn Arsenal down (Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?) and it wouldn’t surprise me if it all moved this week.

Arsenal’s team photo takes place tomorrow and much will be drawn from the presence, or lack thereof, of Cesc and indeed Samir Nasri who is apparently back in Man City’s sights. The thing is though it’s just a photo and we’ve had players appear in it before who haven’t started the season. I mean, will Bendnter be in it? Eboue? Almunia? And if they are or they aren’t does it significantly impact on their futures? Bottom line is that time is running out for all these players this summer and thus far the much hoped for revolution has been vague evolution and little more. Let’s see what happens.

In other vague and spurious transfer news The Express reports that Joey Barton has his heart set on an Arsenal move (sorry, no link because they use those horrendous auto-playing videos which are designed to increase ad revenue but which probably have a negative effect because no fucker will link to your site as long as you have them), while The Mirror says Mauro Zarate’s agent is in London to talk to us and Sp*rs.

Another Spanish youngster linked, this time a young Real Madrid striker called Jose Rodriguez.

Going back to the team photo there was a competition yesterday to give you, and your mini-Gooner, a chance to be part of the proceedings tomorrow. The answer to the question was b) Gunnersaurus – although many people feel Chompy Joe is a far superior name – and the RNG has done it’s thing.

Congratulations to Stuart Laidlaw, I’ll be in touch this morning with more details. Commiserations to the rest and thanks for your entries. More competitions to come.

And that’s about the size of it for this morning. Have yourselves a pleasant Wednesday, more tomorrow.

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