It’s curtains

*scoilk*

That’s Scottish *boilk* for those of you who don’t know. I didn’t know either until a few minutes ago when I discovered my hotel room has the worst curtains of all time. You just can’t block out the light on the left hand side.

Middle. Fine. Right. Fine. Left. Like the John Terry of curtains. You just can’t stop them from letting in light and you want to smash their face in. If they had a face. A good curtain shouldn’t have a face, of course, but this particular lot should simply so you could feel better by punching it. Anyway, suffice to say there was beer, wine, single malt, bourbon cherries and rum, and Tom got it on with a ceramic tiger. A normal Edinburgh night. I don’t think I need to say any more.

Arsene’s presser took place yesterday and there’s a load of stuff out of it that we could talk about. The best thing, I guess, is the team news and the boss confirmed the return of Wojscez©®, Djourou, Song and Denilson and also said that Thomas Vermaelen could play again this season. He’s just lacking a bit of the old match fitness. If it were up to me I’d make him sleep in this hotel room and the energy he spent kicking the ever-loving shit out of these ridiculously awful curtains would have him in tip-top shape in no time.

Asked about Jack Wilshere’s participation in the meaningless U21 European Championships this summer Arsene said he’d go along with whatever the FA decided and left the ultimate decision up to Jack. However, he did that old ‘Well, it’s up to you. Do you want to do the thing you know you really shouldn’t in the short term because you know it’ll affect you in the long term’ thing. A bit like when Tom and Mrs Tom pointed me in the direction of my hotel last night and that voice in my head went ‘Just have one more drink somewhere. GO ON!!’. I ignored that voice, thankfully, and Arsene said:

I can understand that the boy wants to go but they have as well maybe to consider that he will not be fit enough to play certainly for the friendly in August and he should be short for the qualifier  in September.

England really ought to consider it. Do they want Jack to miss those games, having knackered himself playing a tournament that’s so insignificant even EuroSport don’t broadcast it (choosing instead to show live coverage of the Tour de Munster unicycle race), or do they want him fit and rested and in the senior England team where he should be?

Stuart Pearce is going to be a hard man to convince, mostly because I suspect his grasp of language as a means of communication is basic.

“Want Jack!”

“But it would be bad for Jack”

“Yeah! Jack! Jack!”

“He could burn himself out”

“Pearce like burn”.

I suspect we’re onto a loser there and it means that come the start of next season Jack won’t be available for us because the FA, Stuart Pearce and Fabio Capello and an unholy trio who, if they went into the curtain making game, would produce the kind of tat I have to put up this morning.

The boss was also asked about the dressing room set-to between Robin van Persie and Abou Diaby. He said:

First of all they are two good friends who get on very well. Van Persie was concerned about Diaby getting a first yellow card and that he gets a second one because we all have in our memories what happened at Newcastle.

Diaby accepted it and said OK.

I prefer to imagine it much differently, with Eboue in the middle, weeping at the arguing pair:

“Mummy, Daddy, please stop fighting”

The manager says everyone has a voice in the dressing room and that’s a good thing. But can anyone in the dressing room fashion a decent pair of curtains? I suspect not and that’s something the club needs to address as a matter of urgency this summer.

Meanwhile, it looks as if Pat Rice really is going to retire this summer meaning the boss will need a new number 2 (fnarr). I see people, from time to time, ask ‘What does Pat Rice do anyway?’ and question his number twoing abilities. There wasn’t a great deal wrong with him when we were winning doubles and such, and while I accept that coaching staff sometimes need a bit of freshening up, you would have to go a long way to find someone as respected as Pat Rice.

If we pride ourselves on the traditions of Arsenal and the Arsenal way of doing things I find the criticism of someone who represents all that, and more, somewhat tedious and ill-informed. He’s a real Arsenal man and critics would do well to remember that. Plus, he can make a mean pair of curtains, which makes him a fucking hero in my book.

Beyond that, I don’t think there’s much going on this morning. We’ll have a proper preview of the Mugsmashers game in the morning and now I’m going to do what I should have done a long time ago. Prepare yourself for a good punching, you curtain bastard.

Till tomorrow.

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