Saturday, August 13, 2022

Interlull : On and on and on …

Good morning to you all, I hope you’re all somewhat less boilky than I am this morning. Moscow Mules make me feel like I’ve been kicked in the head by a … mule, I suppose.

Some interesting little snippets this morning starting with the news that Tomas Rosicky is set to appear in the next season of ‘I’m a celebrity – get me out of here’. He revealed to Czech television last night that he’s going to use it as part of his pre-season training and he reckons if his knee can survive after he’s put into a pit full of scorpions then it’ll hold up to the rigours of a full Premier League season.

He also revealed that there’s an issue with a new contract at Arsenal. Something to do with image rights. He’s unhappy at his likeness in the new Pro Evolution Soccer game and wants to ensure the club consult with Konami before any new deal is signed.

Armand Traore has taken advantage of not being in the team by opening a Martial Arts Weapon Superstore on Blackstock Road. The gala launch takes place tonight with special guests such as Steven Seagal, Jean Claude van Damme and Norris McWhirter set to appear. There’s a free knuckle duster with every £75 spent and there will be orange squash like you used to get in the cinema for the first 20 people.

Kieran Gibbs scored for England U21s last night as they beat Macedonia 6-3.

Arsene Wenger says the lack of trophies at Arsenal in recent times is not linked to the sale of Graham Barrett.

Graham was an amazing, fantastic player. But I believe we were very close to winning [silverware] since [he left]. But of course, if you don’t win people will say ‘you did not win’. But people forget that in 2006 we played a Champions League Final with 10 men and nearly won it.

If only we’d had Graham Barrett that night. My trip back to Barcelona would have been much more pleasurable.

Nicklas Bendtner has revealed the true story behind his new number. He claims that he wanted 9 but Eduardo has 9 and would only swap if he could have 22 but Gael Clichy has 22 and he won’t swap unless Eduardo gives him his Scalextric with the flyover but Eduardo won’t give him that unless Eboue comes to his house and plays the tuba (it’s little known that Eboue is a grade 6 Tuba master) and Eboue won’t do that because William Gallas borrowed season 4 of The Wire on DVD from Robin van Persie and then said he didn’t but everyone knows he did because people saw van Persie give it to him and van Persie had to go out and buy it again but on the way there he ran over an old man in his car and got traumatised and now people blame Gallas because if he’d just given the box set back in the first place, or even gone out and replaced it, none of this would ever have happened so that’s why Bendtner chose 52 (the number of people that Snoop and Chris killed in season 4) but everything’s ok really because Denilson downloaded season 4 on a torrent and even made his own special box for it and made the cover like you used to do when you made a mix tape for someone and cut pictures out of a magazine and stuff and gave it to van Persie at training and when he got it he cried a little bit because he was so happy and now he’s insisted that Denilson come to his house for Christmas dinner because he feels sorry for him now that Gilberto and Julio Baptista have left as he sits alone in his house gently strumming his ukelele and singing Housemartins songs ever night.

There’s really nothing quite as maudlin as Denilson’s reedy voice doing ‘Think for a minute’ in broken English.

I’m welling up here. I honestly can’t go on.

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