Wednesday, October 5, 2022

Interlull : It begins …

This morning’s blog is brought to you with a big, fat ‘meh’.

Instead of looking ahead to the next Arsenal game we are stuck here twiddling our thumbs and doodling on post-its trying to wile away the time. Do any of you care that Theo Walcott has been called up the England U21 squad for a game against Macedonia on Friday? I mean, it’s probably good for Theo to get some fitness and match practice and all that but in terms of interesting it’s right up there with listening to a footballer speak about his car.

Or his tattoo. If I did a football version of The Onion there’d be a fantastic ‘Footballer doesn’t get unsightly tattoo on arm’ story to be done, wouldn’t there?

If I had the resources I’d set myself up as a tattooist and hire someone to do the stuff for normal folk but when, after advertising directly at footballers, one came in that I didn’t like, I’d tattoo a great big cock on his arm with a set of sweaty, hairy balls underneath.

“What the fuck is this?”, they’d say.

“Come on, man”, I’d reply, “that’s the Chinese symbol for ‘scores lots of goals'”.

“Wicked!”

Who do you reckon will the be the first footballer to get a face tattoo? I know that Celtic goalkeeper has ‘Je suis un twat’ going up his neck, but in Polish or something, but soon enough we’re going to get someone with the old spiderweb going up the neck. I would have had money on Lee Bowyer but I reckon he’d have done it by now if he was going to do it at all.

Time will tell, I suppose. Like time heals all wounds. Which is the only reason I can think of for the story about Sol Campbell coming back to the club to get fit. You might remember him from such games as walking out at half-time against West Ham and other stuff like telling Arsene Wenger he was going abroad so his contract got paid off before he signed for continental favourites Portsmouth.

More recently of course he signed a 5 year contract with Notts County then decided he didn’t like it very much so walked out on them too. He can’t play for another club until January, or until he makes a deal to release him from that contract, or something, so he needs some boys to run around with keep his fitness up. He should have just stayed at Portsmouth, the twat. Or go to the park every day.

I know we got the best out of him as a player, and for three seasons he was absolutely outstanding, but unlike Arsene Wenger I hold grudges and this doesn’t sit well with me. Not that what I think has any bearing on anything but there you go. I am grudgey though. I still hate that cunt I went to school with in England who stood on my neck until I said “Leeds are ace!”. If I saw him tomorrow I’d smash him in the face with a cricket bat and it’s why I despise everything to do with Leeds, Leeds United and it has gone so far as to hating Leads, which is unfortunate for the Arseblog basset hound.

Want some insight into how football journalism works? There’s a story on The Sun’s website about Barcelona being interested in Emmanuel Eboue. Where did it come from? Well, this was a rumour back in August on some really dodgy clickwhoring site who made some changes and the story popped up again on NewsNow. The Sun went ‘Oooh, fresh meat’, not realising the meat was maggot infested carrion and promptly put it in their site – even neglecting to notice Barcelona have, in fact, signed Dymtro Chygryskiy for about €25m. Good work, chaps. We’ll certainly have a good think about that when Murdoch decides to start charging for access to their online editions.

Not much else going on. I’m hoping to break up the Interlull with some competitions, so hopefully there’ll be a few books to give away between now and the return of football. In the meantime stay strong.

We’ll get through this together.

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