22.45 – The Man Utd v Arsenal game has been fixed for May 8th. However, the agreement wasn’t reached the way you might think.
A R S E B L O G has acquired a brand new and ultra secret source of information, I call him the arsephantom. He’s going to provide us with some irregular inside info and shockingly biased opinions in the future, and he gives us this exclusive about the fixture negotiations.
He sent me this official webcast transcript of a secret meeting, especially arranged by Alex Ferguson and the FA, between the two team captains and managers. All we’ve got to go on is a crackly piece of poor resolution, undercover footage, so let us set the scene:
A secret location, a hotel in Salford, Manchester (a neutral venue chosen by the FA) where Alex Ferguson is quietly talking with David Beckham, who is sporting mock crocodile skin Prada crutches, and a Burberry checked plaster cast on his foot.
‘Look Dave, I’ve already rigged this with the FA, they owe me a few favours, ahem… anyway so, the 10p they are using is a double headed coin, right…? Got it…?’
‘Leave it to me boss’
Ok, you sure you know what you are doing…?’
‘Give me some credit chief, we can’t lose then can we…? That means that the game has to be on the 7th…?’
‘Exactly my son, I knew you weren’t as thick as everyone says, oh, I meant to say, how’s that irritating disability of yours by the way?’
‘Oh, she’s fine boss, thanks for asking…’
As Fergie shakes his head, the FA Official says ‘Ok, gents, can we get started?’
At this point, Tony Adams and Sir Arsene Wenger enter the room and stand opposite Alex Ferguson, David Beckham and two FA Officials.
FA Official: ‘Right then, David, as you are the England captain, obviously, you get to call – winner gets to choose the date…’
As Arsene Wenger gulps, and takes a last look at his captain, Beckham winks in the direction of the FA Official and Fergie as the coin is spun, in slow motion into the air and calls…
More from the arsephantom soon.
Sol Campbell could be back for the Bolton game, but Sylvia Wiltord could be out for 3 weeks. A more comprehensive injury round up here.