september 30th

10.11 - Phew, Dennis Bergkamp says he may not retire and that he will make a decision at the end of the season. He says he has a number of options open to him, including staying at Arsenal. If Arsene Wenger can prolong the careers of Lee Dixon, Tony Adams, Martin Keown and the departed Nigel Winterburn well into their late 30s, I don't see any reason why Dennis can't be part of this Arsenal team for a few seasons yet. Not quite sure what The Times are trying to do here, I guess it's some feeble attempt at comedy. F - must try harder.

However, they get a better mark for this article about Tony Adams and his new life as a crusty old student. I know we all laughed at Gary Neville's ridiculous claims the other day, but now it seems Sporting Life is out to make fun of the Man Utd football knowledge base with an article titled 'Arsenal rammed Gary Neville's words back down his throat at Leeds'. (Insert your own joke using the words 'rammed' and 'throat' here).

Olivier Dacourt reckons Arsenal are better than Real Madrid at the moment. It would surely be an interesting match - but I guess we'll have to wait until next May to beat them at Old Trafford to win the Champions League. Players Union Chief Gordon Taylor has backed Thierry Henry after he claimed he would walk off the pitch if he was subjected to more racial abuse. While I applaud the fact that the union would support a player who takes such drastic action, surely they'd be better off convincing a player that the best way to deal with this sort of thing is on the pitch. Imagine Arsenal playing Lazio now - those lovely Lazio fans who even abused their own black players would have a field day.

Finally, according to this reliable source from the Arsenal World Message Board, Man Utd have banned the Mirror from the press box at Old Trafford for saying Diego Forlan had the finishing skills of Norman Wisdom. As a big fan of Norman Wisdom, "Sir" Alex was just disgusted.....


september 29th

09.55 - Say it ain't so Dennis, say it ain't so.

Overshadowing all other news today, is the big hint dropped by Dennis Bergkamp that this could be his last season at Arsenal. In fact, it's likely to be his last season anywhere as he contemplates retiring from football altogether. Without doubt one of the most gifted players of any generation, it's been a pleasure and a privilege to watch him strut his stuff for the Gunners. Still, there's a long way to go between now and May, and when you look at the impact a 52 year old Gianfranco Zola has had at Chelsea this season, maybe there's a chance he might stay for another campaign.

Thierry Henry says he'll walk off the pitch if he's subjected to racist abuse again. Obviously there's no place for the sort of shit Thierry and Arsenal's other black players were subjected to in Eindhoven the other night, but I'm not sure walking off the pitch is the answer. The best way to shut these idiots up is to do the stuff on the pitch and I'm sure Thierry's 2 goals against PSV were the best answer to the mindless morons who don't care about football and their team.

Yes, UEFA should do more than release bland, generic press releases. The clubs whose fans think it's ok to racially abuse players should do more. Let UEFA make teams play games behind closed doors, depriving them of the vital income the Champions League brings. Let the clubs ban supporters who abuse players because of the colour of their skin.

But Thierry, and any other Arsenal players who might feel the same, should not let these twisted cuntgoblins force them from the pitch. Then they've won. That's what they want. Stay on, score goals, make tackles, win games. Stick two fingers up at them with your performances and raise hell with the authorities afterwards. UEFA have let big clubs away with this sort of thing for years - Arsenal players have suffered this kind of thing in Italy and Spain over the past few seasons - it's time they got serious now.


17.55 - Disturbingly, this site is number 2 in a google search for 'shit fuck pictures'. Keeping it from the top spot is a site called 'Teens Gays Lesben Amateure Livefick Tittenshow Omasex Cams ...'

Where did it all go wrong?


15.25 - Leeds 1-4 Arsenal (Kanu 2, Toure, Henry)

Really stunning stuff from the boys today. Leeds looked like also rans, and I'd say their fans are wondering why David O'Leary was given the boot coz they looked like a much better team with him as manager.

Two goals from Kanu who has come into the team and unlike last season has taken his chance well, scored goals and been involved in lots of good work all over the pitch. Hopefully his recent performances might make the arseholes at THOF who have been booing him shut the fuck up.

arseblog - arsenal players celebrate opening goal against Leeds

Kolo Toure scored another goal with a bullet header after great work from Wiltord, and Henry chipped in with his usual goal after just 1 minute of the second half, effectively killing off Leeds' chances of a comeback. Watching on Sky they couldn't pick a man of the match because Arsenal played superbly right throughout the team. I don't think I've ever seen that before.

Got my first look at Pascal Cygan today. Although he didn't have much to do, he was pretty impressive. Good on the ball, good in the air and he appeared to boot Lee Bowyer in the chest which makes him an instant hero in my book. Also, Jermaine Pennant got a rare run out as sub and provided a lovely ball for Kanu to score his second and Arsenal's 4th. Let's hope he gets his head down, works hard and gives Arsene Wenger the right kind of problems, rather than the rumoured difficulties about his attitude and application.

Elsewhere today, Gary Neville shows he has a future as an ITV pundit by declaring that this Arsenal team is not as good as the one 4 years ago, and claims that the only reason this team look so good is because Man Utd have gone off the boil. Ask any Arsenal fan if this is the best Arsenal team they've ever seen and I guarantee you every single one of them will say yes. After Phil Nevile's recent blast at Arsenal for not giving young players a chance, it's nice to know that dopius-cuntosity runs in the family, and it's not anything to do with repeated blows to to the head.

Finally, Arsenal held their AGM yesterday and you can get a report here from Arsenal World. Enjoy your day gooners, I'm off to email some Leeds fans...


02.15 - Does anyone have an explanation as to why a dog or a cat can lie down and go to sleep within a matter of seconds, remaining impervious to all kinds of loud noises, distractions and disturbances, while humans can be knackered like an old race horse and stay wide awake when the only thing they want to do is sleep?

Why can't humans just lie down, switch off and go asleep? Why is it that the only thing that can do that to a human is an anaesthetic of some kind? I would quite happily volunteer my body to science so that I might be fitted with an 'Asleep - Awake' switch, that worked with some kind of wind-up timer like in Buckaroo. Wind up to 8 hours, flick switch, sleep, wake up when timer goes all the way around. Easy.

If we can put a man on the moon, make realisitic dinosaurs in movies, explore the depths of the oceans without being crushed, perform intricate surgeries with lasers, and provide Mariah Carey with a career that now spans two decades, I don't think it's too much to ask for.


september 27th

10.15 - Sp*rs fans will be delighted to pick up this morning's papers and see their manager Glenn Hoddle singing the praises of Arsenal. Hoddle reckons Arsenal are now the benchmark for all other teams. It's hard to know what to make of that to be honest, because normally he talks such a load of shite. Still, I suppose he has to make sense from time to time.

It's dirty Leeds at Elland Road tomorrow morning. El Tel seems to have his work cut out for him up there as his side struggle with inconsistency. Good results against Newcastle and Man Utd have been offset against poor results against Blackburn and Sunderland. Still, they're always a threat at home, and with Leeds never afraid to put themselves about on the pitch, it could be another stormy encounter. Bring it on.

Elsewhere. Bolton's Ivan Campo has had his second yellow card against Arsenal rescinded and will not now face a suspension. It's nice to see that referees can hold their hands up and admit mistakes. Perhaps some of his colleagues might have a word with Andy D'Urso and make him realise that he might actually gain a smidgeon of respect if he'd be willing to do the same now and again. Fat chance....

september 26th

20.55 - As the Arsenal team keep winning, Arsenal fans are now getting in on the act. Big congrats to our friend and rampant gooner Scaryduck for winning the Guardian's Best British Weblog contest.

Some people have been highly critical of the competition, but I'm quite sure our delicious with orange sauce buddy couldn't care less now that he has £1000 in his pocket. Well done, sir.


13.59 - heh - from the makers of The Grimster and Ooh Arr, Ray Parlour.


01.19 - PSV 0-4 Arsenal (Gilberto, Ljungberg, Henry 2)

arseblog - henry and kanu PSV

Arsenal banished their European away day blues with their first win away from Highbury since 1896, and set a new record doing it. Gilberto Silva's goal after just 20 seconds was the quickest goal ever scored in a Champions League match.

Freddie Ljungberg continued his outstanding form - and remember he's been out twice since January with reasonably serious injuries - and scored Arsenal's second and his 9th in his last 11 games.

Thierry Henry scored the other two, both cool finishes to take his tally for the season so far to 7. However, he was unhappy after being subjected to racist abuse and having missiles (lighters and coins and not the Saddam kind) thrown at him by those lovely Eindhoven fans.

Arsene Wenger was full of praise for his team, and put an end to the rumours that he was practicing voodoo and dabbling in the black arts by announcing "I'm not a witchdoctor, I'm just a football coach". Cheers for clearing that one up Arsene, I guess that shrunken head necklace was just a souvenir eh?

So two wins out of two so far, a first away win in Europe since the fall of the Berlin Wall, Henry is scoring like Ricky Martin in the Blue Oyster Bar, Freddie's hotter than the iPod I bought off some Moroccan bloke in Barcelona the other day, the Gunners are top of both their leagues at the moment, and just to make the night even sweeter, Liverpool were held 1-1 at Anfield by the mighty FC Basle who are managed by that well renowned tube taking, Klinnsman hating, ex-Spurs boss Christian Gross....and Houllier was still smiling in the interview after, the mad fool.

The only slight problem tonight was the hamstring injury suffered by Martin Keown, which saw bastard son of Le Boeuf, Pascal Cygan come on for his first significant run out of the season. I only saw the goals, so if anyone who saw the game would like to comment on his performance, please fill us in. We didn't concede any, so I guess he did ok.

However, we're now in a situation if Keown is out injured for a while, we're without what you might call a desirable replacement should anything happen to Cygan or Campbell in the meantime. I applaud Oleg's efforts at full back last season, left and right I thought he was really good mostly, but he's not a centre-half. Igors also did well enough last season when he stopped trying to give penalties away but still fails to look up to the job at the very highest level. If Keown is out, I reckon it's time to bring Upson back and also for Arsenal fans not to get carried away with things just yet.


september 25th

18.55 - Just been talking to my Dad who's been over since last week's celebrations, and apparently ex-gooner Paul Davis was in the hotel they've been staying in last night. He sat around with my family having a few jars and joining in the sing-song. He was particularly keen on Irish ballads like 'The fields of Athenry'. Not one of them thought to get me an autograph. It's an odd world.

Won't get to see or listen to the match tonight, but my brother has promised to keep me up to date with the score via the wonders of SMS. Come on you gooooooners.....


00.01 - It would appear that during the previous post I displayed the classic symptoms of Arsene Wenger's patented 'I didn't see it'-itis. It's not BBC and Sky that will share the champions league rights, it's ITV and Sky. Bollocks. I can get BBC.

It seems that far from embracing new technology and looking at ways of improving the game, FIFA is dictating from it's shit stained pulpit that players who get a red card will serve an automatic 1 game ban, with no right of appeal. It is to be enforced in all leagues across the world as early as next month.

So what FIFA are saying is the referee is always right....even if he's wrong and subsequently proved to be wrong. Making the referee look like a twat and essentially undermining his credibility, if not his authority. Some rule changes have worked well for football, like the back pass rule (my abiding memory of Ray Clemence is him picking up back pass after back pass), and the offside rule change which benefited the attacker. This however is a stinking pile of horse vomit with a dinosaur shit on top.

One day FIFA will turn football into a game we won't even recognise.

september 24th

20.56 - Dennis Bergkamp has made the long journey home and is set to start tomorrow against PSV. I guess we'll get a chance to look at Van Bommell and Hofland first hand. Actually, most people won't get a chance because those twats at ITV have made Arsenal's champions league games almost impossible to see by scheduling them on channels not too many people have.

Not that I have ITV in this part of the world, but it's still shit. The good news however is that BBC and SKY have outbid ITV for the TV rights for the next 3 seasons. ITV''s Premiership programme is probably the worst football show ever to be shown and the sooner the Beeb get the rights back and ITV stay the fuck away from football forever, the better.

If we get a penalty tomorrow night, Thierry Henry will be the man to take it. I can't argue with that at all, and it's still mystifying why players with the talent and composure of Kanu and Dennis Bergkamp bottled it after missing penalties.

My sincere thanks to those lovely people at Arseweb, who have added Arseblog to their links section. Having just bought the end of season DVD, can anyone tell me why Sky Sports West Ham supporting presenter Matt Lorenzo is the narrator? It just doesn't sound right when he says "...we did this", or "...then we went on to score 2 more" when he's a dirty Wet Shammer and who always looks as if he's got his hand up the skirt of that lovely blonde girl who does the sports news in the morning with him.

If anyone at Arsenal reads this site (which I doubt coz they still haven't bothered their hole explaining their anti-Macintosh stance to me), I'd be quite happy to volunteer for next season's DVD. For a sample of my dulcet tones, click here.


september 23rd

13.25 - We're back.

Stevie C was right ;o)

So, while I've been unavailable we've beaten Bolton with a last minute goal from the much maligned Kanu (who was the only player on the pitch capable of extending his leg 6 feet in the air to score that goal), Seamo lets in another soft goal and is now really looking his age, The Grimster turns down a move to Stoke and apparently Kevin Keegan is set to make a bid for Kanu having been told by Nicolas Anelka that he would be his preferred strike partner.

What's been happening with you lot then?


september 19th

19.32 - "It's quarter to ten and we're supposed to be there at nine".

Eek. See you soon.

september 18th

13.45 - Sorry for the lack of updates, but this is about the first time in 18 hours I've had to myself. Didn't even get to see or listen to the game last night, although I did catch the goals on the news.

A great start to the Champions League campaign, and by all accounts we made the Germans look most ordinary. Goals from Dennis Bergkamp and an almost fit again Freddie Ljungberg were enough to put Arsenal top of the group after one game.

However, this could be Arsenal's last ever Champions League as the Express is reporting that Arsenal are due to pull out of the tournament and join a new breakaway competition in protest at UEFA's new format for the CL. Guess we're gonna have to win it this season or not at all.

september 17th

00.32 - "I think the FA should get on with something else and maybe not worry about an incident that wasn't there."

Arsene Wenger? No. Thierry Henry? No. The quote above comes from Charlton's John Robinson, who Thierry is alleged to have elbowed. Fair play to him. It's nice to see football is a game still played by men, and not Oscar winning ponces like Eyal Berkovic (although his acting is hardly Oscar winning. Oscar from Sesame Street maybe).

Arsene Wenger is less than amused by the whole thing though, calling for an overhaul in the FA's disciplinary procedures. About time somebody with a little more credibility in the football world than your average website commentator, or heaven forbid, a fan who goes to the games week in week out, said something about the ludicrous rules the FA keep making themselves look like twats with. Arsene says "So let's investigate the FA and see what comes out." Wouldn't that be a laugh...too many skeletons in too many closets for it to ever happen though.

Arsenal kick off their Champions League campaign tonight against Borrussia Dortmund. Patrick Vieira is ready to captain this Arsenal side to european glory. He says "This season there is more confidence and self-belief. We are a fantastic side with players up front who can score at any time." It's hard to argue with that, in fairness.

Some really good news to finish with, Freddie's back and in the squad for the game against the Germans. He's unlikely to start, but may get a run from the bench if needed as Edu is said to be struggling with a knee problem. Nice to have you back Freddie.


september 16th

16.25 - I logged on to as I occasionally do, and saw this headline - FOLLOW THE GUNNERS ACROSS EUROPE ON RADIO ARSENAL - Radio Arsenal is proving to be a huge hit with Arsenal fans.

They boast about how 200 listeners subscribed to Arsenal Plus and were 'rewarded' with live commentary of the Charlton match. They fail to mention that this service has been free for years and now all of sudden we're expected to pay for it and be impressed when the 200 suckers who didn't just go to the Charlton website and listen for free subscribed.

Since the redesign of the site this season, Radio Arsenal has been unavailable to anyone not using a Windows PC. So Mac users like myself couldn't subscribe even if we wanted to. All they need to do is give us a URL to copy and paste into Media Player. Despite my emails asking them why they won't do this, I have yet to receive a satisfactory explanation.

Also, much of the Arsenal TV content is only available to Windows users. Surely if Arsenal want to make as much money as possible from (and by charging for radio commentary it seems fairly obvious that they do), they should make their service available to as many users on as many platforms as possible, and perhaps they should employ a web designer that knows something about the 10%+ of all web users who use Macs.


15.05 - England captain escapes FA censure despite the fact his deliberate elbow on Lee Bowyer was witnessed by millions watching the game live on Sky.

Thierry Henry set to be investigated for an alleged elbow on Charlton's John Robinson, despite the fact nobody seemed to see it and nobody from Charlton complained about it.

I know referee Jeff Winter saw the Beckham incident and decided it wasn't intentional, but surely even the blindest of the blind cunts that populate the FA can see it was deliberate? The fact that referee Steve Dunn didn't see the Henry incident means that the FA will investigate further. It's bullshit. I hate the FA. I hope their headquarters burns down in the middle of one of their 'How to make life more difficult for Arsenal' seminars. And I hope none of them manage to get out.

Here's what the FA say about Beckham - "We can confirm that no further action will be taken against David Beckham following an alleged use of the elbow towards Lee Bowyer in the Leeds United - Manchester United match on Saturday, September 14."

Note the use of the word 'alleged'. There was nothing alleged about it. It was there for all to see. Plain as the nose on your face. I can't wait to hear how they justify this one. And if they're going to investigate Thierry for this, why have they still not acted on Ruud van Nistelrooy's deliberate and quite obvious punch to Freddie Ljungberg's stomach during the game at Old Trafford in May, despite numerous communications and complaints about it? Answers on a postcard please....


september 15th

08.55 - Morning all. Time for a quick look around the Sunday papers and see what's going on.

The Sunday Mirror is reporting that Robert Pires will not be making his return from injury until he goes through the same gruelling fitness program as Freddie Ljungberg, who reveals he could barely walk during the World Cup and needed pain killing injections to get him through the England and Nigeria games. Mmmmm.....morphine.

Also, in the Mirror (oh, the irony), a pension scandal has hit the Dutch FA, who have been managing the pension funds of Dennis Bergkamp amongst others. Apparently they've managed to lose somewhere in the region of £40m of players money, prompting over 400 Dutch players to resign from the union with immediate effect. Who was running it, the ghost of Robert Maxwell?

AW talks of europe, and how the next step for this Arsenal team is to win the Champions League. While personally I would prefer the domestic title over the CL every time, it would be a fitting achievement for the quality of this squad and manager to bring home the one major trophy Arsenal have never won (leaving the Zenith Data Systems trophy aside of course).

All those who accuse Arsene Wenger of selective myopia might do well to turn their optical criticisms to "Sir" Alex Ferguson who said of David Beckham's elbow on Lee Bowyer "I said with Roy Keane that we don't have players who do that. I would be surprised if David did that." Watch the video Fergie, I guarantee you'll get a surprise. Fabian Barthez is facing a police investigation for kicking a water bottle which went through his net and hit a disabled fan. Maybe he should spend some time with his strikers and show them exactly how to hit the target. Seriously though, it's all a bit stupid, I'm sure he didn't mean to hit anyone....unlike David Beckham.

Man Utd supporting Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern might find his fortunes mirroring his favourite team, as his plans to build an 80,000 seat super-arena in Dublin (nicknamed 'The Bertie Bowl') run into serious trouble. Sure, all he needs to do is go round elbowing members of the opposition if they give him any grief. Seems to work for Beckham.

Also, well done to Irish boxer Wayne McCullough who made a sucessful comeback to boxing with a win over some bloke last night. Wayne says "I owe it all to David Beckham and his ability to throw in the sly elbow without the referee seeing"

Finally for today, a new feature. Headlines you'll never see. For example "George W Bush isn't a posturing warmonger" or "Michael Owen says something interesting shocker". Today's headline you'll never see "FA to investigate England captain over elbowing incident".

september 14th

18.24 - Charlton 0-3 Arsenal (Henry, Wiltord, Edu).

arseblog - patrick vieira vs Charlton

Another record for the Gunners. Today's goals mean Arsenal eclipse Man City's record for scoring in consecutive games in the top division. Henry opened the scoring just before half time, the seemingly unstoppable Sylvain Wiltord stuck in the second, and Edu got his first goal of the season with a header in the last couple of minutes. It could have been more, with Toure hitting the post/bar and Edu having another goal disallowed for Kanu being offside.

So Arsenal stay top of the league, keep scoring, keep winning and keep playing the kind of football that most of us could only dream about seeing Arsenal produce. All this without Freddie, without Bob and with a tired Patrick Vieira. What's it going to be like when we get everyone fully fit?


Elsewhere, Monchichi Inamoto scored again as Fulham whupped Sunderland and it all went wrong for Wio on his weturn to Elland Woad.

UPDATE: Meant to mention this earlier, but does anybody think the FA are going to take any action over David Beckham's elbow on Lee Bowyer? Will the FA sanction the England captain for his sly dig, or do they just go around charging players because a referee (with no back-up from either linesman or the 4th official) alleges that a player swore at him? On one hand it was lovely to see Lee Bowyer being elbowed in the face, but on the other hand, it will piss me off if the FA don't take David Romeo Winston Churchill Beckham to task about this.

Also, just want to wish Dead Kenny all the best for tomorrow. A win by 5 clear goals will lift you to second from bottom can do it, it's only Sp*rs. Also, take a look at Arsenal Shorts, it's new and similar in many ways to Arseblog ;o)

Finally today, a word of warning. Next week is going to be incredibly busy for me for a number of reasons, so if you don't see any updates for a couple of days towards the end of the week, don't panic too much. I, as The Terminator might say, 'll be back.


september 13th

08.45 - Paddy says he's tired after only 5 games this season, and he needs a rest. Arsene Wenger however reckons that our captain doesn't need a break at all and says "I have no plans to rest him".

Jeremie Aliadiere hid a groin injury from the Arsenal doctors, but got rumbled while he was away with the French Under-21s when their doctor diagnosed a serious groin problem that could keep him out for up to 5 months. Surgery might be on the cards, but young Jeremie seems to think that's not an option at all. It's understandable that he'd want to play through the pain when he was beginning to make an impact in the first team, but now that it's all out in the open, he'd be best advised to do whatever the Arsenal medical team tell him.

Rami Shaaban (bless you), had his first run out for the Gunners, playing in the game against Reading which saw the return of Freddie Ljungberg. He didn't concede any goals, he made a couple of saves, so far so good.

Is it just me or does ex-Arsenal reserve star Junichi Inamoto look more and more like a monchichi every day?

september 12th

09.55 - Snigger. Chortle. Guffaw.

Robbie Keane is the new Rebrov. Hoddle spent £7m on him, then left him on the bench last night, and Sp*rs lost. Life is sweet.

Freddie's back. Kanu goes missing. Bob must wait.

"He was crying on the pitch like a big girl". Patrick Vieira stops just short of doing that thing when you use your fingers and wobble your lips like you used to do in the playground when someone was acting the nancy. Bergkamp praises Wiltord's form, and finally today, forget about work, play this top table tennis game instead. (link via not so soft).


september 11th

09.45 - More nonsense from the FA.

Thierry Henry faces an FA rap for After scoring the winner against Man City last night, Thierry lifted up his Arsenal shirt to show a t-shirt underneath with a message reading 'For the new born kyd'. Supposedly a message to his friend Sharleen Spiteri, lead singer of the band Texas.

It didn't say "The FA are wankers" or "All referees engage in sexual intercourse with farm animals". It wasn't offensive, it was a nice gesture, and you have to wonder why we're even talking about this when he spent the whole of last season showing off t-shirts with messages when he scored. Remember 'Gio-Robert, thinking of you'?

It's too ridiculous for words. Well, non-sweary words anyway.....

On a lighter note, I found that video, so click here to enjoy the sight of John Hartson booting Eyal Berkovic in the head. I never get tired of watching this.


00.25 - Arsenal 2-1 Man City (Wiltord, Henry).

A decent game that. Especially with a bottle of cava and a nice bag of grass...I would imagine. Just say no. Wiltord and Henry got the Arsenal goals either side of the rarest thing since a really good David Bowie album, a Nicolas Anelka header.

Citteh played some nice football, and although we could have made it safe if it weren't for one of the linesmen going through a 5 minute spell as Joey Deacon, it was close enough to be a bit nervy. Funniest moment was Schmeichel going arse over tit having collided with Kolo Toure. Red Nose got up with a big shouty face on and Kolo hadn't a clue what the fuck he was on about.

Eyal Berkovich is a cunt. It's a shame John Hartson didn't kick him harder. I thought I had the movie file for that somewhere but couldn't find it. So, if anyone has it, please send it on and I'll put it up on the site to download. His jump in the air when Vieira was nowhere near him in the second half was laughable. It should be a stupid home video show - "Now look at this professional footballer make a complete tit of himself".

3 nice points. Top of league. Looking down on Spurs. All is right with the world.

UPDATE: Myles did it again. Talking about Anelka he says "I don’t think he will do much against Arsenal tonight.It will probably be : one shot into the side-netting, one shot over the bar, 3-0 to Arsenal and,"Patrick, where are we going for dinner tonight?" Er.....


september 10th

11.26 - Brand new - The Arseblog journalistic translation service. A handy tool for all sports journalists to help them correctly interpret the words of Arsenal players.


08.45 - Dennis, Sol and Thierry have all been passed fit for tonight's game against Citteh, but Lauren and Ray Parlour are both out with knee problems. Maybe we'll see Kolo Toure play at right back, but I would imagine we'll see the first gallop of the season for Oleg. I think we'll see this line up: Seaman, Oleg, Sol, Keown, Ash, Wiltord, Vieira, Gilberto, Edu, Bergkamp, Henry.

Congratulations to Sylvain Wiltord who was named Premiership player of the month for August. Arsene Wenger has said he's ready to defend Patrick Vieira 'to the hilt' in light of his misconduct charge handed down by Andy D'Urso. Maybe they can use footage of players swearing at referees week in, week out. Or maybe they could use footage of Ruud van Nistlerooy punching Freddie Ljungberg in the stomach in the title decider in May. But then, the FA have managed to ignore that for months (despite plenty of mail about it) so maybe it's not a good idea to remind them of their double standards.

More later....after the game an' all.

september 9th

14.43 - Some injury worries ahead of tomorrow's game against Man City. Dennis Bergkamp is due to have a fitness test, Edu seems to be fully recovered from the knee injury picked up against Chelsea, Thierry Henry should be fit after injuring his toe, while Sol Campbell, Patrick Vieira and Sylvain Wiltord are all facing fitness tests.

Of course, tomorrow night's game sees the return to Highbury of 'enfant terrible' Nicolas Anelka. No doubt he'll get a hard time, but I think that's unfair. He was just a kid with greedy bastard mental brothers. As Arsenal fans we wondered why Nic would leave us for Real Madrid, but from any other angle it's 100% understandable.

I've heard him say there are times when he realises how good he had it at Arsenal and I'll ask all of you to think back to when you were that age and there are undoubtedly many things you regret doing and with the wisdom of experience you would have done differently. Give Nic a break - save your ire for cunts like Frank Stapleton who not only fucked off for a pitiful transfer fee, he fucked off to Man Utd.

I'd have Anelka back tomorrow if I could. Him and Henry up front would be the business.

Nicolas Anelka - arseblog


01.05 - Given the upcoming anniversary of September 11th and the proposed war on Iraq, tensions are running high worldwide. There has been outrage in the UK over a poster which appears to celebrate the terrorist attack that changed the world last year. The group in question have their website here. If you do a WHOIS lookup on their site, it lists the address as 748 High Road, Tottenham. Now, have a look at this Spurs website, and pay close attention to the address.

Remember South Park the Movie and the song 'Blame Canada'? 'Blame Tottenham' scans beautifully as well.

Thanks to scaryduck for that one.


september 8th

10.25 - Not only did he cause the most protracted transfer saga in living memory, not only did he go and play for the Scousers, now Nicolas Anelka is set to provide his latest snub to Arsenal by marrying a Sheringham girl. Relax though, that was just my tabloid impression. Nic is set to marry a girl who comes from Sheringham, Norfolk and not a relation of the world's number 1 cunt, Teddy.

Meanwhile, Kanu has threatened to quit Arsenal if he's not playing regularly by Christmas. He's quite the enigma really, his talent is unquestionable, but sometimes his application seems sorely lacking. Maybe it's just his laid back style, but he's never been able to recapture the form he showed when he first arrived. A case of a player in the comfort zone, or a player who's been sussed out by opposition defenders? In fairness, he's been involved in some good moments so far this season, and we don't really have anyone else to play the withdrawn striker role away from home in Europe - but then our away form in Europe is so shite, it might be a good idea to try something new.

Sylvain Wiltord continued his good form scoring France's winner against Cyprus, while Man City's chairman reveals he's trying to emulate the success of Arsenal by copying Arsene Wenger's methods.

Lastly, I watched 'Mulholland Drive' last night. My brain still hurts.

september 7th

09.45 - Good news, Fredaholics, he's ahead of schedule after his hip operation and is due to start full training with Arsenal squad on Monday. In today's Telegraph, he writes about Sven's England and his life at Arsenal. Jermaine Pennant and Francis Jeffers played for England's under-21s last night, as they drew 1-1 with Yugoslavia. England's goal came from an Arsenal related source, Shaun Wright-Phillips, son of Ian WWW, popped up with a late equaliser to spare ex-Gunner David Platt's blushes.

Very little else Arsenal related today, so a couple of non-Arsenal stories to keep you going. First, this couple in Germany have been refused permission to call their baby 'bin Laden' by a court. Romeo Beckham said to be spitting mad at the injustice of the British courts. Secondly, crusty old BBC commentator Barry Davies is fed up with losing out to John Motson for the big games, so he's thrown a strop and refused to commentate on England's game with Portugal. Oh the humanity. And finally, there's a rather entertaining blog here, from a 73 year old socialite, who plays out her life in anonymity and HTML. She's not really 73 though.


september 6th

09.15 - Jeffers to quit Arsenal? Lauren to quit Cameroon? Arsene Wenger to quit Arsenal for Juventus?

Arseblogger to quit drinking. *boilk*


september 5th

22.05 - 3 bottles of white wine in the fridge, 3 bottles of white wine, take one down, drink it all yourself, 2 bottles of white wine in the fridge.

2 bottles of white wine in the fridge, 2 bottles of white wine, take one down, drink it all yourself, 1 bottle of white wine in the fridge.

1 bottle of white wine in the fridge, 1 bottle of white wine, take one down, drink it all yourself, 0 bottles of white wine in the fridge.

Time to hit the nearest bodega, my sober friends. *hic*


14.05 - International weeks are so boring, especially when it's just a bunch of friendlies. Who cares if Michael Owen will captain England? Not me. Who cares if Fergie says his players are injured, then plays them for United? Not me, he's been doing that for years. World Cup aside, international football is boring and personally I reckon most top club sides could beat most international teams. It used to be that international football was considered the highest standard, not any more. If South Korea can get to the semi-finals of the World Cup .....

So, there is little to report today other than the fact that Mathew Upson has joined Reading on a 3 month loan deal. In all honesty, after promising so much, it doesn't look as if he's going to make the grade at Arsenal. With only Cygan, Sol and Keown as established centre halves, and Ashley Cole as the only left back (apart from our Brazilian oompa loompa Juan), Arsene Wenger obviously sees him as way down the pecking order if he's willing to let him go on loan. The fact that Stepanovs is more likely to get a game says it all really.

Finally, don't know if any of you subscribe to the popbitch newsletter, but this is taken from this weeks edition: "A stylist who has worked with Freddie Ljungberg says at the moment he's fixated on wearing candy stripes and bleached denim. And is very keen on PVC for evening wear".



00.05 - If you do a search on google for 'andy d'urso wanklord', it says: Did you mean: andy d'urso warlord. No, really.

It's like when you're using Word and you try and type 'Phil Collins' and it changes it to 'shit bald sub-cabaret act'.


september 4th

09.31 - "You're a fucking wanker with no personality".

That is allegedly what Patrick Vieira said to referee Andy D'Urso. So like Jesus before him, Patrick is being persecuted for telling the truth. With a one match ban for the unjust red card, The Sun reckons it'll be later in the season when Paddy recieves another ban should he be found guilty by the pharisees....ooops... I mean the FA. Arsenal have said they will defend the charge "vigorously".

In slighty more upbeat news, Robert Pires has earmarked the Champions League game against Auxerre for his return to first team action.

You have to laugh at this. The Real Madrid doctors need to get working on this if they want to see the best out of the goofy Brazilian. Off out for the day now. Thanks for all the comments on where you all came from yesterday - we're a global community here eh?


september 3rd

18.25 - Well, this is just ridiculous. The FA have charged Patrick Vieira with misconduct for comments made to 'referee' Andy D'Urso on Sunday. All you conspiracy theorists out there can start sharpening your pencils, coz this is just bullshit.

Feel free to complain to the FA, by sending an email to here


09.36 - Kolo think Kolo play well. Kolo have brother that even better than Kolo. Find out more about the Toure brothers and their potential Arsenal partnership.

The Guardian is reporting that Arsenal are looking to slash their wage bill, having incurred a £20m loss last season. The arrivals of Sol, Gio, Lord Francis of Jeffers, Richard Wrong and Junichi Inamoto contributed in a big way to the increase - and with Sol Campbell the only one of those 5 who saw regular football, it turned out to be an expensive summer in 2001. Cutting the wage bill means cutting the playing staff, and despite the departures of TA, LD, GG, RW and JI, it seems more players need to go. Who would you least mind seeing out the door of THOF?

We speculated here in the comments that the one of the reasons for the breakthrough of the youth players was to save a few bob in wages. Seems about right.

Finally for today a little experiment. I'm curious to see where you're all reading from. so if you're not a regular 'arser', please take 2 minutes today to give us your name and where in the world you are. Ta very much.....


00.25 - Arsenal have issued a statement about Andy D'Urso's refusal to reconsider Patrick Vieira's sending off. What's even more galling is that Shaun Wright-Phillips' red card this weekend was overturned by a referee brave enough to admit he made a mistake. D'Urso is right up there with Graham Poll as the worst referee in history. A blind, crippled, spastic monkey could do a better job, and that's being unkind to blind, crippled, spastic monkeys.

According to this Liverpool site, Arsenal fans are 'The epitemy of arrogance'. Would it be wrong of me to point out that 'epitemy' is actually spelt 'epitome' and to suggest that this particular Liverpool fan is the epitome of a thick, scouse cunt? Nice to see your soft centred lot chuck away two points tonight an' all.

Man Utd pin-up Phil Neville has blasted Arsenal and Chelsea saying young English players aren't given a chance in the first team. He then goes on to give young Irish lad John O'Shea as an example. Once again the words 'epitome, thick and cunt' spring to mind. It might also be worth pointing out that Phil Neville wouldn't get a game in our youth team, due to his immense shitosity.

september 2nd

13.55 - Yesterday I mistakenly referred to Andy D'Urso as a 'useless muppet'. I now realise that I was wrong. He is in fact a piss drinking, poo eating, shit faced wanklord. The FA have issued a statement to say "Referee Andy D'Urso will not be reconsidering his decision to dismiss Vieira for two cautions."

Nice to see consitency across the board then. Birmingham's Cissé had his second yellow card revoked for an identical incident, but obviously Mr D'Urso knows best. Let's be honest here, anyone can make a mistake, but it takes a big man to hold his hands up and admit it. D'Urso is a small man. A very small man. And a shite referee.

Even Jesper Gronkjaer said that he kicked Vieira. It beggars belief that he won't reconsider his decision and if the FA have any balls and sense of fair play, they'll look carefully at Mr D'Urso's position as a Premiership referee. But then the FA are a bunch of cunts too.


september 1st

20.25 - Chelsea 1-1 Arsenal (Kolo Toure)

Firstly let me just say that if Andy D'Urso is fit to referee, then I am quite capable of performing intricate heart surgery. Time and again he's proved himself to be a useless muppet and today's impression of a referee was one of his worst yet. Put him out to pasture so he can be butt fucked by a randy bull.

However, it took his mistake in sending Patrick Vieira off to get Arsenal going. 1-0 down and 10 men and most sides would have crumbled. Not this Arsenal team. Mental strength and a sheer determination not to give up the unbeaten record won us a point. That and Kolo Toure who looks absolutely fantastic. He ran, he tackled, he chased, he dribbled and he bloody well scored the equaliser, nodding in the rebound from Wiltord's shot. Let's have some more of that son. His interview on Sky was quite charming too, referring to himself in the first third person the whole time.

"Kolo came on, and Kolo wants to prove he is a good player and Kolo was very happy to score..." etc. Lovely.

Kolo - K-O-L-O - Kolo. Now there's a chant we have to get off the ground.

Paddy's sending off was a mirror image of the Ashley Cole incident a couple of weeks ago. He went to block the ball, Gronkjaer kicked the bottom of his foot, leapt in the air like a salmon swimming upstream and the ref fell for it. I wonder though how many Arsenal fans will have a go at Gronkjaer, but are unwilling to see the similiarities between his behaviour and Ashley's? Slightly worrying was Chelsea's goal - very soft defensively and David Seaman really should have done better.

Given the circumstances though, I'm quite happy with a point today.


09.15 - Time flies eh? Welcome to yet another brand new month of Arseblog.

arseblog - Dennis Bergkamp....

What better way to start the month than go with the News of the World's exclusive that Dennis Bergkamp hates Arsene Wenger. Well, he hates the rotation system, and apparently the pair have had some heated dicussions about it. So, he hates the rotation system but 'adores' AW as a manager.

I love Dennis's quote when he talks about wanting to play all the time and not being left on the bench of subbed during the game "Stop it man, I hate that." He sounds like The Dude from The Big Lebowski. Whatever their arrangement and private battles, it worked damn well last season.

The Sunday Mirror reports that Freddie could be back within a fortnight, while Giovanni van Bronckhorst is 80% fit again and Robert Pires is continuing with his rehab from his cruciate ligament injury.

Also, in The Sunday Mirror, there's a story about Arsene Wenger threatening to pull out of European competitions in protest over the rehashed Champions League format. As he said previously UEFA have made the CL a tounament about 'money, money, money' (his Abba impression, not mine), and now they want to take one group stage away meaning less money. Something that did seem to go un-noticed during the week was Arsenal's entry into the G14 group of European clubs, so expect those clubs to invent an alternative competition if UEFA stand firm on the Champions League format.

A mixed day for gooners and ex-gooners yesterday. Striker/Goalkeeper Graham Stackbarrett was sent off playing for Brighton, Jerome Thomas scored for QPR, while our old buddy Nicolas Anelka scored a hat-trick for Citteh.

Finally today, we have to give a mention to Gilles Grimandi. The transfer deadline has passed and he has yet to find a club. Despite many offers, none of them suited him, so he's without a club for the start of the season, unless he signed somewhere and it hasn't been announced yet. Either way, Arseblog would like to say "Allez Gilles". (Thanks to StevieC for pointing that story out - and Gilles if you're reading Stevie says he'll buy you a pint in the World's End if you give him a shout. Me. I prefer the Guinness in the Banlk of Friendship).




football LINKS

other LINKS