This morning’s blog, unlike me, is going to be short and sweet. It’s someone’s birthday this weekend which means last night involved a considerable volume of alcohol and I have quite definitely got the *boilk*. So much so, in fact, that I’ve got the window open right next to me so the fresh, life giving air, can rush in from outside and perhaps prevent my (some would say) untimely demise. Also, <weather update>it’s utterly gorgeous outside</weather update>, and I’m trying to work out whether I want to go and BBQ my breakfast. I think I do. BBQd bacon for breakfast. I just have to build the BBQ, light it, keep it lit with those stupid brickette things that come from Tesco because SOMEONE didn’t think there was any difference between them and lumpwood charcoal, despite it being made quite clear that lumpwood is FAR superior, and then wait for it to be ready to cook on.
Or I could just use the grill and be eating bacon in five minutes with a whole lot less effort. That is, of course, why man invented ovens, you know – to make the cooking of bacon easier. Perhaps I’ll not spurn the wisdom of my forefathers.
The fact that I’ve just written the best part of 200 words on how I’m going to cook my breakfast today – or hopefully have it cooked for me (another tick in the evolutionary ‘win’ column for men, though don’t worry ladies, I have plenty of ticks in the other column too, mostly involving pairs of shoes) – ought to leave you in little doubt that there’s not a lot happening this morning.
There’s an actual ‘story of day one in New York’ piece on the official site, if that’s your thing. For me, looking at photos of a bunch of millionaires (who definitely don’t have to cook their own bacon) prance around an amazing city, photographed by a guy whose job is actually my dream job, isn’t top of my list of things to do, but I’m sure there are those that will be interested. It’s even got a hashtag if you want to talk about it on Twitter.
Arsenal players laugh in photos at their ridiculous luck. #ArsenalNYC
Bet those Arsenal players are all about to be handed a bacon roll when the camera disappears. #ArsenalNYC
For example. The final paragraph of the piece sums it up for me:
After enjoying the sunset from the 70th floor, the players headed back down to the street and walked two blocks to Times Square, where they mingled with fans and posed for more photos
Hard life, innit? There’s another piece with video and them laughing and taking selfies. It’s almost like you’re there. Apart from, you know, not being there at all and just looking at photos on the internet. Other than that though, basically identical.
As a side note, I’d like to say I hate selfies. They’re a symptom of our narcissistic me, me, me culture. People rarely take selfies for themselves, do they? They don’t take them for posterity. They put them on Twitter, or Facebook, or Snapface (or whatever it’s called) to show their friends how much fun they’re having, or what an awesome place they’re in and their friends aren’t. And I hate selfies even more when there’s a professional photographer there, doing the job of my dreams, with a WAY better camera, able to take a WAY better photo than any stupid camera phone. So let’s all agree, here and now, no more selfies, right? Thanks.
Setting aside my increasing bitterness and resentfulness at the world, no doubt every single man, woman, and child of whom have bacon while I have none (even if they don’t want it, or don’t eat bacon), and trying to get back to something even vaguely resembling Arsenal news, Santi Cazorla is being reported by various sites as having said he’s happy at Arsenal. I can’t find a source for these quotes, but it strikes me Santi Cazorla would be happy wherever he were. He just seems like that kind of chap. And if there ever were an occasion Santi was unhappy, it’d be literally the saddest thing in the world.
A story in the Plymouth Herald caught my eye today (see the lengths I go to for you?), which is that everyone’s favourite walking underpants advertiser, and part time professional footballer impersonator, Nicklas Bendtner, has seen a potential move to Entracht Frankfurt fall through because as part of the deal, on top of his £40k a week basic (I know! A pittance, right?!), he asked for £30k for every point Frankfurt scored throughout the season. I think as far as brass balls go, Nicklas Bendtner is right up there with the very best. I can only conclude at this point that Bendtner really is an impersonator, and that the prospect of playing actual football, for an actual professional football club, scares him so much he’ll come up with the most outrageous demands he can think of to avoid doing it. I can imagine his contract negotiations now:
“That’s right. Every time I miss an easy – glorious – opportunity to score, you make ME score with Kate Middleton after the game. What’s that? She’s married to the heir to the thrown of England? Well, duh. That’s why her!”
I mean, it might happen. Don’t ask, don’t get, right?
London24, with whose repute I’m unfamiliar, has an amazing scoop with Arsene Wenger confirming the signing of David Ospina from Nice. Totally didn’t see that one coming, but good news nonetheless.
The Guardian report that we’re still interested in Morgan Schneiderlin, seemingly because he’s French, which I suppose is as good a reason as any for a tenuous transfer rumour. I’m not suggesting we’re not interested, or indeed that we are, but “because he’s French” is a bit of an old one. The same article suggests the transfer is unlikely because the board are telling Arsene that he must retain the British identity of the side, which as far as I’m aware would be the first time they’ve told the manager how to construct his side, and would fly in the face of the many times over the years that Arsene Wenger has said he doesn’t care about the player’s passport, just his quality. Seems somewhat unlikely.
Finally for today, it seems like Carl Jenkinson’s future at the club is in serious doubt, with strong reports of a large bid by the club for Southampton’s Calum Chambers. The rumoured fee is in the region of £15m, which if true would make him (probably) more costly than our other new boy in that position, Debuchy. It’s an odd one if true, I have to say, and would demonstrate a considerable degree of ruthlessness by the manager because it’d surely be the end of Jenkinson’s time at the club which for me would be a big shame. Remember the stories about his dad doing a little dance when he signed a contract with the club? Anyway, we shall see what happens.
That’s your lot for today (and it didn’t turn out that short or sweet after all). I’m going to go and enjoy the gorgeous sunshine, and start building a BBQ – for tonight. It’ll take way too long to sate my by now really quite desperate requirement for bacon.
Have yourselves a good Saturday.