What little there was happening yesterday has doubled in nothingness since then, meaning that the infinitesimal amount of Arsenal news is now like an atom on a tiger in a zoo who doesn’t realise he’s part of a gigantic computer simulation which is set inside a universe inside which our universe exists and we don’t realise that we’re all just in the imagination of a young boy who believes his father works in a hospital inside a snow-globe, but is actually a construction worker.
So, pore over that with your morning coffee. I’m sure there’s something vaguely Arsenal related in terms of internationals but I’m not arsed looking for it. Ireland beat Gibraltar yesterday 7-0. The Gibraltesers (©Mugsmasher) couldn’t have been expecting much different but on the radio yesterday I heard them talking about this fixture and saying that Ireland were in for a ‘tough game’.
At international level I can’t imagine there are many easier games that playing against people who live on a massive rock. Sure, they’ll have tremendous upper-body strength from hauling themselves up the face of the outcropping, fending off monkeys to reach their cottages hewn into the side like close-to-Spain Hobbits, but that surface is in no way conducive to the passing game and I think that was evident last night.
Far more at home playing reboundies off sharp ridges, the flat surface of an actual pitch proved just too challenging and in the end they seem to have made Robbie Keane look good. Now, I’m a man of peace and firmly believe that we should all just love each other and not fight for specious, made-up reasons, but this is tantamount to a war crime from Gibraltar.
Act 19.3, sub-section 21a of the Geneva Convention specifically states:
The general principle for application of the 1929 Convention to persons referred to in Articles 1, 2 and 3 of the 1907 Hague Regulations is stated in Article 1, paragraphs 1 and 2 , of that Convention. No nation state – be it small, middling or large, for such factors do not have any influence on a state’s behaviour and that – shall act with aggression, willing bellicosity, undue sneakiness, or deliberate insalubriousness; nor shall they perform on the field of sporting endeavour in a manner which might reflect well on a man who looks like a third rate Desperate Dan and who, despite the fact he is in his mid-late 30s, does somersault and machine gun celebrations when he finds the net against opposition who are as easy to score against as that 13 year old that Michael Owen will score against in that video in the future because this was honestly written ages ago and not this morning and Owen will celebrate and then Neville Southall will remind Owen that it was just a 13 year old in a manner which essentially says ‘Stop being such a little dickhead.’
So, what choice to do we have but to put these muscley-armed bashi-bazooks to the sword? Or, I could get on with my morning and go to the supermarket and create the breakfast pie. See, I have some pastry left over from another pie event and I was thinking that sausage, bacon, white pudding (perhaps some shrooms if that was your bag), would be very tasty all in one handy parcel. But, I worried about the dryness of it.
Fear not, for the Mugsmasher, who was full of good ideas last night and not at all argumentative about anything, suggested baked beans might well be the answer. I concurred. This morning, I woke up with a Lloyd Cole song stuck in my head and a hankering to see if I could make this breakfast pie a reality.
Well, there’s only one way to find out. I will report back with my findings. In the meantime, you have yourselves a fine Sunday.