june 30th

06.43 - Wham, bam thank you Stam.

More later, probs.


june 29th

10.23 - I'm sweating gin this morning.

After weeks and weeks of 'will he-won't he-when will he' about Harry Kewell, the News of the World suggests the Aussie has agreed to join Liverpool. Oh well. If a player wants to play UEFA Cup football instead of Champions League football, wants to play for a team who are pretenders rather than contenders to the title and wants to play for a manager who's greatest talent is bleeding all the creativity and talent out of players rather than a manager like AW who time after time has improved players, then there's nothing we can do about it. It says a lot about the player though.

On the way in instead could be Patrick Kluivert whose bizarre contract clause makes him available for just £1.2m. Cheap at twice the price if you ask me.

On the way out of Highbury could be Sylvain Wiltord "I have great friends at Arsenal, we have a French coach, and the atmosphere is great. But that doesn't mean you won't leave if it makes sense for your career" - and Francis Jeffers who has proclaimed his love for Everton and his desire to play alongside Wayne Rooney "Wayne is amazing - an awesome player. I would love to turn out for Everton with him alongside me. We'd make a great partnership on the pitch, but nobody knows what is going to happen in football."

Quite frankly, Jeffers can go where he wants. I'd have loved for him to have made it Arsenal, I think he could be a top player, but he's injured all the time. You can't make plans around a player if you don't know if he's going to be available to play or not. If we can get a few quid for him, send him on his way. As for Wiltord, well, he's always worked hard and has been one of our most consistent goalscorers since he joined the club. However, in order for Pennant to get a proper chance Wiltord either has to be played as a striker only, or he has to leave. His contract expires next summer, so this is his last chance for a big pay-day and he may only get that somewhere else.

Inter Milan want Robert Pires or Freddie Ljungberg according to sources in Italy. Their sporting director Giusseppe Spaghetti said "Pires and Ljungberg are the two players we believe would benefit us the most technically. Realistically, we couldn't expect to get both. But we will talk to Arsenal during the coming week to see if they are prepared to let one or the other go. In return, we will see if they believe we have players who can help them technically too."

Still no sign a new keeper or defender. AW is back from his holidays on Monday, expect some action next week.

Right, the coffee's made. Have a good Sunday.


june 27th

21.03 - Sorry it's been so long. I've been up to my eyes in it. Stupid everything.

I don't want to harp on about it, but naming the Confederations Cup after Marc Vivien-Foe is a shockingly poor and insensitive idea. The best tribute they could make to him would be scrap the worthless piece of shit tournament altogether.

Thierry Henry's tribute and words after the game were those of a true gentleman. We're lucky to have somebody like him represent Arsenal.

In Arsenal news, you'll have seen the Kluivert stories then. According to El Mundo Deportivo, which I have open in front of me right now, Arsenal declared their interest in Kluivert to Barcelona on March 13th. As they put it "Dennis Bergkamp is now 34 and Nwanko Kanu doesn't count for the French coach...."

They also reveal Kluivert's sister lives in London and that could sway the Dutchman into a move. It's hard to know what to think about this one. He's either fantastic, or Heskeytastic, but there's no doubt he'd get 20+ in the Premiership. You have to wonder where that leaves the Kewell deal though.

We're still no nearer signing a keeper, although Peter Paul Robinson's move to Aston Villa has broken down. Canizares is in the Spanish papers today saying he wants to stay at Valencia. Still no nearer to signing a centre half either.

That aside, there's been little else happening in what's been a strange 24 hours for the world of football.

Normal service could resume tomorrow.


june 26th

21.55 - Happy now Mr.Blatter?

Marc Vivien Foe - RIP

 

06.34 - ....so the black guys says to the Priest, "Yeah, the Nolan Sisters. Twice."

heh

 


june 25th

08.54 - With Goldenballs gone to Madrid, and £28.5 misfit 'Seba' Veron expressing his desire to return to Italy, it was inevtiable that the Vieira to Man United rumours would start.

And start they have. United are said to be lining up a £22m bid for Paddy, this is from various 'sources'. No doubt some of them are 'reliable sources' too.

Here's the two reasons why it'll never happen:

  1. Arsenal will not agree to sell to Man Utd
  2. Vieira will not go to Man Utd. "It's hard to see myself playing for any other team than Arsenal. I always said that if I had to leave Arsenal, I would go abroad. I really don't see myself in Manchester."

If there is any truth in this rumour, it's just shit-stirring from Demento as he deals with the flak of letting Beckham go so cheaply. The Sun suggests that Fergie has problems to sort out. He thought he'd sewn up deals for Kewell and Ronaldinho, but the with the Aussie seemingly heading our way and the buck-toothed Brazilian still dilly-dallying over who to join, things aren't as clear cut as they seem. Add to that the fact his assistant is off to manage Real Madrid and it all means a summer of fun in Manchester. Check out the little stats box at the bottom of that Sun article - it suggest Fergie is a manager who needs a good number 2. Some interesting stats there.

Bottom line is this. Vieira will never leave Arsenal...for Man United. That doesn't mean he wouldn't leave to go elsewhere. I'm thinking of raising money via PayPal for his new contract. Just send it to me, I'll make sure it gets to Paddy.

The Wenger to Madrid rumours haven't even been given a chance to get going as Arsene Wenger said this yesterday, "I can say 100% that I will be at Arsenal next season. I will not be leaving Highbury to go to Madrid. I have never broken a contract in my career and I have no intention of breaking the one I have with Arsenal, where I have two years left on my contract."

Thierry Henry on fashion footballers "Beckham changes his hairstyle ten thousand times a year and Djibril dyes his hair blond and dresses at Gaultier's. I want people to talk about me but not for my clothes, my haircut or my cars. Fans don't say they adore my looks or my shoes. They adore my game or my goals."

Cocu story a complete fabrication. Imagine that.

Just to let you know that updates are going to be a bit sketchy for the next few days. You certainly won't be waking up to a brand new edition of Arseblog every morning. I may however post something small - either very late or very very early - to give you fresh 'arses' to play around with.


june 24th

11.23 - When you live in a country where you can buy 24 beers for less than €5, it seems almost wrong not to take advantage of that. My head hurts.

According to The Sun Arsenal will sign Harry Kewell, speculating that it will be £4m + Jermaine Pennant. Barcelona are apparently out of the running having sacked Raddy Antic and brought in Sir Spitalot, Frank Riijkard. Real Madrid also sacked Vincent of the Forest despite the fact he'd just won them the league the night before. No doubt there'lll be more Wenger to Madrid rumours, but the favourite is Demento's number 2 Carlos Quieroz.

Meanwhile, there's more transfer gossip going around than there are nits in a primary school. The Daily Mail says we're after Argentine/Argentinian goalkeeper Sebastian Saja. We could take him intially on loan with a view to a £2m permanent move. We've been linked with this guy in the past as well. Arsenal's bid for Moncao keeper Flavio Roma was turned down by both club and player, so the keeper search continues.

Former Leeds boss David O'Dreary has had a bid for Peter Paul Robinson turned down. It seems the Leeds keeper is a big Man Utd fan and his dream move would be to Old Trafford, but with American Tim Howard signed and United's inability to give Fabian Barthez away, a move seems very unlikely.

The Mirror suggests a move to Valencia's Santiago Canizares is back on. Having thought about this for a little while, he seems like the best solution. An experienced international, but not too young to halt the progress of Stuart Taylor over the next couple of years. He's alsoi a bit of a character, so he could be a good laugh. I say bring on the Spaniard.

Kanu wants more than the £1m on offer to leave Arsenal. I'm not sure about the accuracy of these reports, so don't go postal at Kanu just yet. It could easily be just madey-up crap. In journalistic terminology, a 'reliable source' usually isn't. It's just the journo's way of adding something he's just made up to a story.

A reliable source tells me William Gallas will sign for Arsenal this week.

Thierry Henry says he'll return fit and ready for the new season despite playing in Cuntfederations Cup. "I will have time for a rest and I will be fresh next season. I do not worry about that because I love playing football. I am focused for Arsenal and for France."

Anders Limpar's accountant stole money from him in the 90s. Hmmm, I think the stories are running a bit thin now. I think I'll go hook myself up to that caffeine drip.

Later.


june 23rd

08.43 - After being linked with every striker and clapped out old midfielder around, it's nice to see that a defender is the order of the day for today's transfer merry-go-round.

William Gallas has been rumoured to be high on AW's shopping list for some time now (those all-natural hemp shopping lists are a curse), but we weren't sure how he felt about moving from Chelsea. His latest comments leave us with little doubt that he wouldn't mind getting away from Master Bates and his cronies. Speaking at the Confederations Cup he said "I'm not happy - either with the team management or with the chairman Ken Bates - which makes it difficult for me to stay. I need to talk with my people. I'm just not very happy at Chelsea. Maybe I will still be a Chelsea player at the start of the season, but I don't think so."

According to The Guardian, a fee of around £8m is being reported, but Arsenal could face competition from Newcastle for Gallas, and given the continued acrimony between Bates and Arsenal's David Dein, it's not going to be an easy signing.

Dein and Bates are like a pair of old women, however they are taking steps to mend fences a bit. Bates has said "We have agreed to go out for lunch together. Mind you, it hasn't been decided who's paying." Dein's reply: "The healing process has begun. We've had only one row. Trouble is, it's lasted 19 years."

I know it's a slow summer for news Myles, but surely you can't have read this and thought it was fit for public consumption? Nedved, 'Peter' Robinson, Carew - give me a break. And who the fuck is Sanderos? F-. The irrelevant drivel of a Championship Manager football fan.

Thierry Henry scored for France last night in the world's most ridiculous football tournament. They hammered New Zealand 5-0 which means they qualify for the semi-final. Meanwhile Barcelona's press secretary continues to talk about Thierry and a possible move to Camp Nou. He's said "Henry is one of the players we're hoping to talk to this week. We have to see whether he is interested in coming."

I refer the honourable gentleman to this exhibit.

A holy trinity of cunty looking cunts.

Gregory Coupet is the latest goalkeeper to be linked. He's 31, French and certainly no better than anything we've got at the club already. If we're going to buy a keeper, we should buy somebody with experience and a bit of pedigree, not another French bargain basement gimp.

That's it for now. More later when we announce the signings of Gallas, Kewell and Robinson.

 


june 22nd

13.46 - The usual Sunday round-up for you then. Too hot to do anything else.

The tabloids are pulling names out of hats at this stage. The Sunday People has us linked with Barcelona and Holland midfielder Philip Cocu. He's been linked in the past, but this was just after Petit left and we didn't have the depth of talent in central-midfield like we do now. Cocu would add nothing to a midfield that already contains Vieira, Gilberto, Edu, van Bronckhorst and Parlour.

We'll end up signing Cocu now. Wait and see.

The News of the World has us linked with a Brazilian striker called Ilan. No, me neither. Apparently AW has been watching him at the Confederations Cup (just him, he's been closing his eyes when other players have the ball) and is set to battle with Manchester United, of all teams, for his signature. This story has the foul stench of agent all over it. And here it is. Mel Goldberg (you just couldn't make it up), a sports lawyer working with Ilan's representatives, says ''He's the hottest property in Brazil and I expect him to be at a top Premiership club soon.''

Apart from going to the Confederations Cup just to watch Ilan, TribalFootball.com say Arsene Wenger has also gone to keep an eye on French striker Djibril Cisse and Arsenal could pip those cheeky scousers to the signing. This story stinks of TribalFootball.com.

Oh.

David Dein and Ken Bates war of words continues. I think the fairest way to settle this dispute would be some kind deathmatch. The two men in a ring, Dein with a baseball bat, Bates with the balsa-wood baseball bat. We could run a book...

Some Portuguese bankers could save Ashburton Grove.

Leeds Chairman Professor J.McSpeakalot on Harry Kewell, "The Kewell situation is out of our hands. It's not Harry's fault because Arsenal are apparently in no rush. But we can't restructure the team until the Kewell situation is settled. It's a cat and mouse game. It's now between Harry and Arsenal, or whichever other club he wants to go to - as long as we can get a reasonable price."

That's it. Go play outside. And don't come back till dinner-time.


june 21st

12.38 - There's a fair bit of news around this morning, just be thankful I have the energy to put it altogether. Temperatures here are at record levels for this time of the year. 'tis feckin roastin' boy.

Arsene Wenger has ruled out a move for Parma's Hidetoshi Nakata, which is good. Bascially because Nakata is no better than any of the players we have at the moment and is only famous for being the best Japanese player rather than actually being a very good player.

Wenger: "There have never been so many players on the market and we have a very long list of players we are looking for. I would like to make two, possibly three, new signings."

Vieira: "Every year there have been stories about me joining Juventus or Real Madrid and every year I have shown my loyalty to Arsenal. I am committed to the club and want to stay. I will will go back to pre-season training early to get fit. I do not think there will be a problem with the contract."

It looks like Kewell will be first in, with this Leeds website reporting that Kewell's agent is due to meet with Arsene Wenger early next week.

David Seaman speaks about how his departure from Arsenal was hard, but has said AW was a gentleman about the whole situation. "Arsene Wenger was a complete gentleman about everything. He said to me 'this is what I have got to offer, if you don't take it I fully respect the decision you make', and you can't be any fairer than that."

Thierry Henry's children could play for the Republic of Ireland.

After previously claiming to be in talks with Arsenal, Turkish bullshitter Basturk now reveals he's off to Liverpool. They're welcome to him.

Finally for today, you could win a signed Arsenal pennant (not Jermaine) by going to this website. It's to help raise funds for a this chap and it looks a nice prize. Have a look anyway.

Right, beach again today I think. *sigh*


june 20th

08.53 - Real Madrid fans must be pissing themselves, as it appears Barcelona's new President, Joan Laporta, is as mad as a march hare who's just taken a big purple mad pill and washed it down with a gallon of mad juice. After using Beckham's name to win the election, then saying "I never promised Beckham", he's now bandying the name of our very own Thierry Henry around.

Obviously TH is a player that practically every club in the world would love to have, but the chances of him going to Barcelona are absolutely non-existent, for a number of reasons:

  • He signed a new Arsenal contract before the cup final
  • Barcelona simply can't afford the world record £70m transfer fee it would take to even think about selling him
  • The player himself loves Arsenal, "To come to Arsenal was the best thing I ever did."
  • Joan Laporta is quite mad

So now it seems Barcelona want Harry Kewell rather than Thierry Henry, according to The Sun. Or do they? Leeds have denied there has been any official approach from Barça and according the Catalan club's Sporting Director "He (Kewell) is on our list but he is not a priority."

LaPorta and his buddies are now trying to bring Ronaldinho to the Nou Camp with the €127 they've managed to scrape together singing La Bamba in Plaza Catalunya.

To your left there you can see new boy Philippe Senderos, the defender that all the big clubs wanted. According to Arsene Wenger this kid is going to be a big star for Arsenal, and it's not going to be too long before we see him make the breakthrough.

"I was impressed firstly because he is a good defender, but more than that because he is a leader. I am a strong believer in this boy and he'll be a major asset for the club in the future. He has unbelievable mental strength. You cannot survive at a top football club like Arsenal if you do not have mental strength. It has nothing to do with age or experience. You can have that at 18 and I think he has it. People will discover him next season but I think we have made a very good move."

Sounds like he could well be playing an important part in things next season, and if that means less foootball for Cygan and no chance of Stepanovs playing, then I'm all for it.

Wenger on Beckham.

Next season's fixtures were released yesterday. I guessed at Liverpool, we got Everton. At least I had the right town of thieving scallies though, eh?

Kanu believe it?

I have a feeling we'll sign somebody today. I can feel it in my bunions/corns/enormous testes.


june 19th

09.43 - Is Thierry Henry scoring a penalty for France in a tournament that shouldn't be held interesting Arsenal news? No, you're right. It's not. Thierry Henry, Sylvain Wiltord and Robert Pires not picking up any injuries in this rididculous FIFA money-spinner is much more interesting.

The Confederations Cup is to football what Michael Bolton is to music, what Keanu Reeves is to acting, what George W Bush is to world peace and what "Sir" Alex Ferguson is to manners. It must the only tournament that players simply don't want to play in. Man United's fish-faced defender Mikael Silvestre described the Confederations Cup as 'vanity tournament made up by a bunch of cunting cunts'. Well, he didn't say that exactly, but that's what he meant.

Harry Kewell's agent held talks with David Dein last night regarding his proposed transfer to Arsenal. It's been suggested that now that Man United have a got a few quid for Beckham, they'll try and buy Kewell as well. According to The Sun though, Kewell won't move there after seeing the way the England captain was treated by the gum-chewing lout.

Despite admitting to 'keeping an eye' on Phillip Mexes, Arsene Wenger says "We are not in the market for a defender at the minute."

Anyone else scared out of their wits by that statement? I'm seriously hoping it's some kind of a bluff from AW, because as fine a player as Kewell is, we need a top quality centre-half for more than we need the Aussie. Let's be honest, we've got Sol and a 37/38 year old Keown who'll struggle to stay fit for 50% of the season and even at that is slowing down big time. That's it. Super Oleg is gone. Then we've got the ugly sisters - Stepanovs and Cygan who are to defending what the Confederations Cup is to football. Buy a defender Arsene. Please. I know we've got Senderos coming, but unless this kid is the Ronaldinho/Wayne Rooney of defenders, he's not going to be quite ready for a first team place.

Fixtures are announced today. Every season there's a 'leak' and current wisdom is that Arsenal will play Leicester on the first day. I suspect not. I remember when I was younger it always seemed to be Man Utd or Liverpool on the first day. This time around I'm going with Liverpool - and for those of you who just can't wait, check out Up The Arse's best-guess at next season's fixtures.

On a fixtures theme, I saw the 'Fixtures Man' fella from Soccer AM in Barcelona the other day. In a city as metropolitan and stylish as Barcelona, the closest I've come to seeing a celeb is a bloke who's the butt of Tim Lovejoy's jokes. Sad, I know.

Right, I'm off to the estate agents with a bazooka filled with the snot of hundreds of sick children.


june 18th

09.12 - There's only one football story around this morning. After months of speculation, rumours, secret deals and shameful touting, Matt Holland has joined Charlton. And David Beckham has gone to Madrid. To fight Figo for a place in the team. Reckon he'll be seeing a lot of McManaman.

Arsenal seem to be no nearer finding a new goalkeeper. After having a 'mega-offer' for Christian Abiatti turned down by AC Milan, and being snubbed by the make-up wearing Turk Rustu, Monaco have delivered a hands-off message to the Gunners about their keeper Flavio Roma. Monaco's Sporting Director Henri Biancheri said "He is not joining Arsenal, he is not leaving us whatsoever."

Bob Wilson reckons the answer to Arsenal's goalkeeping problem is at the club already. He thinks Stuart Taylor is the man for the job. He told the BBC "In terms of his technique, I think he's as good as Chris Kirkland or Paul Robinson or any young English goalkeeper. And I honestly think he's just as good as a lot of the names that have been linked with Arsenal. If you were to tell me that Buffon or someone like that was going to come in, that's one thing. But some of the people linked are not in that class."

I'm not altogether convinced by Taylor, but when it comes down to it, we've got to find a top quality centre half, and find him quickly. There are no outstanding candidates for the goalkeeping position and if giving Taylor a chance allowed us to spend a few more quid on outfield players, then I'm for it. If United can win the league with Barthez in goal for most of the season, then we can win things with Taylor. I'd like to see a bit more aggression from him though, rather than the sad puppy look he seems to have perfected.

Harry Kewell's agent has dismissed reports that that Australian wants £70,000 a week to join Arsenal. "The next phase of Harry's career is one that will be the best for him and make him the best possible player he can be. It will not be money driven otherwise he would have left for Old Trafford by now."

According to the Guardian, Arsene Wenger is going to make an approach to Leeds to sign both Kewell and Robinson. It's like fucking Groundhog Day this story. Every day a different Arsenal player gets added to the mix. Yesterday Leeds had their choice of Parlour, Jeffers and Stepanovs. Previously it was Parlour, Pennant and van Bronckhorst. Then it was just Pennant. Then Parlour, Pennant and Jeffers and now it's Parlour, Jeffers, van Bronckhorst or Gilberto Silva. It's never ending.

Philippe Mexes is set to take Auxerre to an industrial tribunal to secure his release from his contract.

{INSERT WITTY END BIT HERE}


june 17th

08.34 - Harry Kewell has rejected offers of a new contract with Leeds and will start talks with Arsenal this week. That's according to Leeds chairman Professor John McKenzie who seems to have caught Ridsdale-itis and has been in the news every single day this week.

"He wants Champions League football, he's aware of the official interest from Arsenal and he'll no doubt pursue that. I would guess he'll be talking to Arsenal and Arsène Wenger at some stage this week."

We can confirm that Jermaine Pennant has not been offered as part of any deal by Arsenal, he's just a player Peter Reid would like. Leeds can apparently choose from Ray Parlour, Francis Jeffers and...heh...Igors Stepanovs. I'd laugh if they took Steps.

Liverpool also want the Aussie but seeing as Kewell wants Champions League football, that kind of rules them out. The UEFA cup may still be 'European football, la', but it's slowly becoming the Zenith Data Systems European trophy.

According to AC Milan, they turned down a 'mega-offer' from Arsenal for goalkeeper Christian Abiatti. Not quite sure what a mega-offer is to be honest. It could be a normal offer that has been somehow given superpowers, or an offer presented by some kind of dinosaur. Anyway, Abiatti would prefer to sit on the bench at Milan rather than play first team football, so he can piss off anyway.

According to The Sun AW will now turn his attention to Monaco's Flavio Roma. They also suggest Arsenal will pay Kanu £1m to leave the club. Kanu has said he will leave if he isn't given a chance next season. Oh well. Shows how fucked the transfer market is when Arsenal have to pay a player £1m to leave the club.

Arsenal will be among the top seeds when the draw is made for next season's Champions League. Liverpool won't. They'll be playing in the Zenith Data Systems Littlewoods Rumbelows Milk Coca-Cola UEFA Cup. Hah.

He's back. Leopold returns humming Bananarama over on the real ANR.

Another job interview today. Too hot to wear a suit...other than a swimsuit. It's hot work. Later.


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