July 31st

Last night I decided I'd try and forget about Telefonica by drinking lots of booze. And it worked. The problem is this morning I remember all over again and the thoughts of more booze makes me feel sicker than a Liverpool fan on May 26th 1989.

Not a lot going on really. Freddie Ljungberg talks about the boss and how he trusts him again, David Bentley and full back Justin Hoyte could go out on loan, we might sign Alex Song, Kolo reveals the team have been working on defence and in the non-online News of the World they report that we're going to sign Viera. Sebastian Viera, the Uruguayan goalkeeper.

Right, I still have no ADSL so I'm going to spend the day destroying phone boxes all over the city. Till later, arsers.


July 30th

Dear Telefonica,

I wonder what it is that I must have done to you in the past that makes you keep punishing me for simply wanting to have a stable ADSL and telephone connection. Perhaps I annoyed you by paying my bill on time, making long distance calls to Ireland at ridiculously high rates or staying with you and paying a much higher price for ADSL than I would with your competitors who would give me faster access.

I realise that my decision to go with one of those competitors might have made you a bit cranky but, I ask you, why the cunting fuck did you wait for a month before doing whatever the fuck it is you've done now. I was enjoying my new, fast, stable ADSL and even yesterday morning before I went to work I enjoyed it as I uploaded this blog for my lovely readers. I don't know what I could have done while I was out at work all fucking day to make you so cross that my ADSL now works as well as Patrick Vieira's knee. When I called my ISP they did some tests and told me the fault lay with you, Telefonica, because despite unbundling and other fancy words you still own every telephone line in Spain.

Then this morning I was woken early, on a Saturday morning when I wanted to have a lie in after getting up early all week - and with rather a precious hangover I should add - so you, Telefonica, could do some tests on the line. I'm glad you did the tests and I have to say I was surprised at how quickly you contacted me, but IT STILL DOESN'T WORK YOU ABSOLUTE SHOWER OF CUNTING FUCKBAGS.

I would just like to take this opportunity to say that I truly, utterly and totally hate you and that if Telefonica was presented to me today in the form of a little puppy or a baby seal I would have no hesitation in stamping or clubbing it to death before I gorged myself on its blood.

All I can do is hope that some kind of natural justice befalls you at some stage and when it does I will be there to point, laugh and piss on your corpse. Fuckers.

yours etc

arseblogger

ps - you are cunts.

------------------

Arsenal win 1-0 in Ajax (Lupoli) and The Beast signs for Real Madrid making him a giant, Telefonica loving cunt and there are some serious whispers about Michael Owen.


July 29th

Hurrah, Friday.

Some good news yesterday came in the form of a new contract for Freddie Ljungberg which will keep him at the club until 2009. He said "I have been at Arsenal nearly seven years now and am really happy to have signed a new contract. I'm looking forward to the new season and did you know that Peter Kenyon is an ugly, bald cunt who smells like gone off oysters."

The last bit may not be true. Robert Pires says talks regarding his contract are on hold until January but that means he's almost sure to start the new season with us which is a big plus in my book. Robin van Persie has been through tough times lately but he's impressed Arsene Wenger with his attitude and how well he's coped with everything. The boss says "I have seen people go to jail for three days and come back destroyed. But he has come back good and showed a lot of strength, humility and desire to do well. It was a big trauma but he is recovering. I believe he’ll be a great, great player."

Robin, not being the most popular lad in Amsterdam anyway, won't be playing in the tournament but should play his first game of the pre-season against Beveren. I think I mentioned before that one of the reasons we let Vieira go is because we have such an outstanding talent waiting to step-up in the form of Cesc Fabregas. Lots of people expected us to try and replace Vieira with a similar type of player but the boss doesn't see it that way. He says "We have to find a different system to play and not expect that we will find another Patrick Vieira."

I'm sure some people are worried about our strength in the centre of midfield and I do think, more than any other area, it's somewhere we need cover, but no more than cover. I don't want us to sign a big star to replace Vieira. I think we've got a star in the making with Cesc and provided he keeps his head down and works hard there's no reason why he can't have the same impact that Vieira had when he arrived at the club as an unknown lanky 19 year old. Yes, their styles of play are different but sometimes it's good to change and stop things going stale. Olivier Dacourt's agent has more or less ruled out Arsenal so he's unlikely to fill to the gap so maybe the boss will look elsewhere. It would be showing remarkable faith in the young players, Cesc, Flamini as well as Larsson/Djourou if he didn't buy anyone, or perhaps he's got Hleb marked for a central role. We shall see.

Anyway, enough prattling on. No sandwich today. Too tired to make one. Quite fancy a beer after work though.


July 28th

It's farily quiet this morning with the team on their way to, or already in, Holland for the Amsterdam tournament. The boss has spoken about the reaction of the squad to Patrick Vieira's departure and has admitted that it was a bit of a shock to some of them, I suppose that's because we didn't have weeks of him using the newspapers to fashion a deal by himself. According to AW "We have all been touched by the departure of Patrick Vieira but slowly we are getting stronger and stronger on that side. At the moment we are more focused on the physical and technical aspect of our game but the closer we get to the real competition the more we will have to work on the psychological side of things."

He also said he might be looking to bring in a goalkeeper, saying in typically non-commital fashion "Ideally, I would like, maybe, some strengthening in that area."

We've been linked with 101 keepers in the last couple of seasons. Who he brings in, if he brings anyone at all, is anybody's guess. The Mirror says we're back for Olivier Dacourt and could tie up a deal today. I think we already have our Vieira replacement in the shape of our young Catalan friend. There's no doubt Cesc is going to be our most important midfielder in the seasons to come but Dacourt would add some experience to the squad without really hindering Cesc's progress.

Nowt else happening.


July 27th

Morning, Arsers.

The boys played Dutch side Utrecht last night and ran out 3-0 winners with goals from Thierry, José and Le Bob. Afterwards the boss revealed that Freddie Ljungberg was 99% certain to sign a new deal. He also reacted to Uncle Fester's statement that Arsenal and Man United were hypocrites and insecure, saying "At the moment I am more focused on the preparation for the new season. But when it is needed, one day I will give him the right answer.”

That answer being, of course, 'Get fucked you ugly bald wanker.'

José Antonio Reyes has backed Arsene Wenger after his sale of Patrick Vieira and spoken about how great the boss is and how much he wanted to sign a new contract with the club. Thierry Henry's quotes from yesterday also supported the boss as he said "Most importantly, you have to trust Arsene. How can you not trust a man who has won three titles and four FA Cups? We saw last season there are lots of able youngsters. They showed a lot of quality and are getting better," and I did enjoy this - "Arsene has proved he has a fantastic eye for a player. No-one had heard of Patrick Vieira when he signed."

Beastwatch©®™: Real Madrid are interested now as their deal for Robinho looks to be on shakey ground. To be honest I just can't be bothered any more. The whole Beastwatch©®™ thing was designed for a few days at most, until we signed him like they all said we were going to but it's gone beyond a joke now. I'm not going to mention the cunt again until we know something for definite.

That's it. Turkey, cheese and mayo on the sandwich this morning. Perhaps some lettuce.


July 26th

Hmmmm, that Tuesday morning alarm clock isn't much fun either.

Beastwatch©®™: The boss expressed his frustration at the length of time this whole things has been dragging on but reaffirmed his interest in the player, saying "I am very keen to get him. He has great strength and can play up front or midfield, is versatile and can score."

It does seem like the passport thing is the big issue here and various reports suggest Baptista could be in a position to secure that next month or even as early as next week. It looks like Arsenal and Sevilla will find reach an agreement and while AW says the situation is quite positive he goes on to say "We have not sorted it out with the player."

And on it goes. Meanwhile talk of signing Edgar Davids or Olivier Dacourt has been dismissed. Marseille are going to the Court of Arbitration for Sport to get more dosh from Arsenal for Mathieu Flamini. They rejected Arsenal's offer of a cool half million and wanted Flamini to return to them. As that's not going to happen they looking for a big chunk of money because they spent £6.5m replacing him. It's a bit like having your Renault 5 stolen and asking your insurance company to replace it with a Porsche.

In two really short articles in The Sun (which will no doubt reappear elsewhere as they day goes on) Thierry Henry speaks about how proud he is to be the new Arsenal captain and that he trusts Arsene Wenger and life goes on without Paddy V.

Now, I've got to make a sandwich and piss off to work. I suggest you do the same, it'll make me feel better.


July 25th

That Monday morning alarm clock is never fun.

Let's start with news that Sol Cambell is set to miss the start of the season as he recovers from the injury he picked up on England's useless tour of the USA. It was a recurrence of the injury he picked up earlier in the season against the USA. Sorry, Manchester United. According the boss "It is a worry because he cannot now have a normal preparation." He struggled last season with injury and it looks like it's going to be the same again this time around. However, AW was quick to play down rumours that he was willing to sell the player saying "He is part of my plans and I want him to come back."

We shall see. The team played another pre-season friendly against Ritzing and we won 5-2 with goals from Dennis Bergkamp, Thierry Henry, José with a penalty, Hleb and Sebastian Larsson. Full report on Arsenal.con

Beastwatch©®™: Del Nido says no agreement has been reached over price but that we've doubled our original offer. No doubt he's waiting for us to chuck in an original van Gogh and a couple of Fabergé eggs to sweeten the deal. Sevilla have buggered off to the far-east for a pre-season jolly and some reports say Baptista will make up his mind when he gets back. Even the saints themselves (real holy ones, not Southampton people) would find it hard to maintain their patience for this saga.

Peter Kenyon calls Arsenal and Manchester United 'hypocrites and insecure'. I call Peter Kenyon a bald, ugly cunt. The world keeps on turning.

That's yer lot. Come back tomorrow.


July 24th

Welcome to Sunday, I pray your hangover is worse than mine because it will make me feel better. Let's have a look at what's going on.

There's an exclusive interview with AW in the News of the World where he talks about letting Vieira go, new boy Hleb and his thoughts on the season ahead. He hints that the Belarussian could play in central midfield but I have a feeling he's going to be used as a wide player primarily. He talks about Chelsea's spending and says "My concern is that my team continues to improve, not about how much other clubs spend. Of course, we will always look to strengthen when I find the right players. But it is important that I give talent within the squad the opportunity to grow and bloom."

That'll cheer up the people clamouring for signings. All summer long there have been rumours about Sol Campbell's future at the club and it was suggested that when Juventus came to town it was him they were looking at before we sent them off with a second hand Vieira. Later there was talk he might be used as part of a deal to bring Jermaine Jenas to the club and today's People runs a story saying Arsenal wil listen to offers for him. Whispers suggest that Sol's reaction to losing his place to Philippe Senderos was not as the club might have expected from an experienced professional and with Senderos and Toure set to start the season as the number one central defensive partnership the club may be looking to cash in now. Watch this space.

Rumours of Freddie Ljungberg moving to Olympiakos are off the mark and pure speculation, the Swedish winger is in talks with the club over a new deal. Le Mans say they are setting up a partnership agreement with Arsenal and have already spoken to Arsene Wenger. We'll have more on this story in 24 hours.

There's not a thing about the Beast in the Spanish papers but Sevilla are supposed to be going on a tour to China today. It will be interesting to see if Julio travels or not. Apart from that there's nowt to report apart from the back page exclusives on all the tabloids today involving Keane and Ferguson having a massive bust-up. Enjoy...


July 23rd

Hurrah for lie-ins. They're grrrrrrrreat.

A quick Saturday round-up for you. Robin van Persie has rejoined his Arsenal team mates in Austria and Arsene Wenger has called for more speed from the Dutch authorities about whether or not he's going to be charged. The boss says "It is important that this situation does not drag on too long. It is not easy what is happening to him and at the start of it all it was a burden for him to deal with."

Beastwatch©®™: Some reports in Spain suggest we've agreed a fee with Sevilla for the player and the fact that he was jeered by Sevilla fans during one of their pre-season friendlies might push him our way. A deal could be done this weekend but then I could also win the lottery this weekend. It's all down to the player now.

Ian Wright says he recommended his son to Arsenal when he was younger but things didn't work out. I'm sure he's delighted now that he's gone to Chelsea for lots of rea$on$. We're still looking for a keeper according to the Mirror. Having let Stuart Taylor go to Villa and Graham Stack out on loan with a view to a permanent move we're a little light in that department despite signing 17 year old Italian Vito Mannone.

And that's about it. I'm off to the market to buy fish. And meat. And vegetables. Life is so get up and go these days.


July 22nd

Ah, Friday. The day of after work beers and being asleep by 9.30. Gotta love it.

Beastwatch©®™: So Arsene Wenger told us something we didn't already know. He says we've got a 50-50 chance of signing Baptista. So we'll either sign him or we won't. According to the boss "It is down to him. He might stay where he is or go to another club in Spain. The sticking point at the moment is secret, if you can keep something secret in football."

He went on to say "However I feel we have the players we want. You have seen that tonight when we did not have the likes of Gilberto, Fabregas and Van Persie. If we can add one more we will but if it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen.”

Now, for some people that means we've chucked in the towel and we won't be signing anyone and we'll be bending over and taking it in the arse from Chelsea and United and Liverpool and probably Wigan too. However, there's still plenty of time before the new season starts and I think the manager knows he needs to spend some money. We've lost too much experience not to strengthen the squad but he's certainly being very guarded about his intentions. A couple of weeks ago we were going to sign two or three, then he says we're maybe going to sign one, and next week it'll probably be something different again. I think AW is as honest a manager as they come when it comes to talking about the games and anything else for that matter but when it comes to transfers I'm not sure I believe a word he says.

Robert Pires has been offered a one year deal by the club and the manager wants him to stay. AW says "I can understand that he wants an improved contract, but it has nothing to do with Patrick leaving. My situation is very clear: I want him to stay. But I cannot stop there being interest from other clubs or speculation in the newspapers."

That's one year on top of the year he already has left so it's not as if we're hanging him out to dry or anything. Reports yesterday suggested we were after Olivier Dacourt to add some experience to the midfield while Pascal Cygan will not be returning to Lille, certainly not when the future of one of our central defenders is less than clear.

So another week over, no new signings and just a couple of healthy wins in our friendlies to cheer us up. Personally I think we should sell all our players and replace them with infants. Let them gain experience and by 2016 we'll be rocking again. Oh yes.


July 21st

Ouch, such pain this morning. And not from a hangover either. But that's besides the point.

Arsenal played a friendly last night against Weiz and ran out 5-0 winners. The goals came from Mathieu Flamini, two for Thierry and one each for David Bentley and Dennis Bergkamp. Full match report from Arsenal.con.

Beastwatch: The Sun says we'll close a deal for Julio today and says that David Dein flew to Spain last night to complete negotitations. I thought it was the full moon that created the glow in sky but still. There's nothing in the Spanish press about this so we'll just have to wait and see. Sevilla's favoured replacement, Albert Luque, looks set to join Real Madrid according to Marca. This thing has more twists and turns than Leo Sayer's hair.

One player who won't be coming is Guti. After last night's game the boss said "I am not looking at Guti at all. It's either yes or no and in this case it is no."

And that's good. Nothing else to report this early. I've got to hobble to work. Till later, perhaps.


July 20th

Mid-week and still no signings. Sack the board, I say.

Beastwatch: So yesterday we heard from old Beasty himself and he said this "In August, I will get my papers in order to get Spanish nationality and I will no longer take up a non-European place, which is very important for me. I have already adapted to the Primera Liga and to adapt to another league would be complicated."

So yet another twist to what's becoming a Vieiratastic summer transfer saga. However, as much as he wants to stay in Spain our pesky little chum del Nido will be cacking it now because next year he can expect to get about 20% of what he'd get for Baptista this summer and the player himself has pretty much ruled out prolonging his contract with Sevilla so I'm not convinced that the deal is dead and buried. There may be other complications we don't know about though. And reading an interview with him this morning in as.com he says quite clearly "I don't want to go to England at the moment."

Maybe it is dead and buried then. Could the Beast's decision to stay in Spain mean the arrival of Real Madrid's Guti? Not sure he'd been up for the rough and tumble of English football, to be honest, but he's been told he can leave Madrid. The chairman defends the Ashley Cole contract offer, which is definitely not the £70,000 being reported all over the place, but interestingly confirms that contract talks are ongoing with Freddie Ljungberg and new captain Thierry Henry. Which is good news.

And that's about all there is to tell you. Mrs Blogs is back today so I'll have clean underwear tomorrow. It's amazing how I went through 11 pairs in just 3 days, but there you go.


July 19th

So Ashley Cole signed a new contract. In a press release released by a press officer of his agent he said "I am now looking forward to another successful season. We are all determined to regain the Premiership. I can't wait for the season to start now."

Naturally the season would have been a chore had he been kept in his £27,000 slavery chains by Arsenal. Reports say the new deal is worth £70,000 per week but I'm told it's closer to the £60,000 that wasn't good enough in the first place. He's a very good player so from that point of view it's good for the team but his relationship with many fans is never going to be the same again after his ridiculous antics. I've said enough about him not to have to repeat my own feelings towards him.

Beastwatch: Sevilla chairman Jose Maria del Nido is taking the absolute piss releasing a statement on the club's offical website saying "The most important offer that we have received is that of Tottenham, of more than 20m Euros." That's all well and good but there's no chance of Baptista choosing Tottenham over Arsenal. Champions League over Chumpions League every time. Title contenders not title pretenders. It doesn't matter if Sp*rs offer the sun, moon and stars there's no way a player with any ambition would choose them over us. Anyway, this whole thing is becoming quite a saga now and with the team away in Austria it's going to be all down to Double-D to turn up in Sevilla, Tango del Nido until he agrees a fee and away we go.

Galatasaray still want Robert Pires and according to them Le Bob will leave Arsenal when his contract expires next summer. Rigobert Song's nephew, Gonfora, is on trial with the us at the moment having made 34 appearances for Bastia last season. He's a midfielder apparently. Sebastian Svard has left the club to join Vitoria Guimaraes in Portugal. The Sun says we'll go after Owen Hargreaves if we fail to land Jermaine Jenas. I hope when they say 'go after' they mean chase down the street flicking him with a wet towel and calling him a wanker. I'd take Jenas every time instead of Hargreaves who is too curly and way too Canadian for his own good.

And that's it. Dog walking time. As Jonathan King would say, 'Here boy'....


July 18th

Under harsh new laws Sir Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho are to be punished for their recent comments about Arsenal running the FA. Both managers will be called to FA headquarters, asked to clarify the context and meaning of what they said then have their tongues nailed to a table while a small dog befouls their mouths. Sadly not true and one can only hope the FA do have the balls to provide the kind of discipline the games some time in the future. Still, thanks to reader Femaiden and a bloke called teddrake on the This is London chat board we can now fully dimsiss their lunatic ravings as exactly that. He takes the CL fixtures since 1998/99 and works out the percentage of home league games following a midweek European fixure. Here's how it came out:

Team
Played
Followed by
Percentage
Arsenal
64
34 home - 30 away
53%
Manchester United
87
47 home - 40 away
54%
Chelsea
40
22 home - 18 away
55%

That's some nice proving otherwise right there. Of course it doesn't really matter because we know the talk is only that, talk. It's designed to provoke a reaction, an early start to this season's mind games. What this does prove though is that Jose Mourninho, Alex Ferguson, Chelsea and Man United are total and utter cunts.

Beastwatch: Not much stirring with one Spanish daily saying Seville have definitely got Luque lined up for when Baptista is sold while another repeats the story of another paper by reporting we've increased our bid to €22m. Meanwhile AW has denied the tapping up story saying "We approached Seville first but, at some stage, you have to speak to the player himself."

Manuel Almunia has broken a finger in training and will be out for 2 months prompting speculation from some quarters that we want Charlton's Dean Kiely.

And as it's Monday there's not much more stirring. I'm all alone at home as Mrs Blogs and Blogette have gone to Ireland so now I have to go take the dog for a walk. Stupid dog not being able to use the toilet. Unless you consider the back hall a toilet.

Till tomorrow.


July 17th

So there was football again yesterday as Arsenal played their first pre-season friendly against Barnet. We ran out 4-1 winners with the goals coming from new boy Alexander Hleb, a Thierry Henry penalty, Dennis Bergkamp and Justin Hoyte. Arsenal gave a trial to ex-Barcelona and Marseille defender Philippe Christanval and new goalkeeper Vito Mannone made an appearance too.

After the game Arsene Wenger confirmed that Thierry Henry will be the new captain of Arsenal which to me is the right choice. He also revealed a little more about the sale of Patrick Vieira saying "For next year (we would receive) nothing. That is part of the decreasing value of a player which means next season's residual value would be nothing. We have to be positive and regroup, we have the quality and spirit."

Gary Lineker is sure there's life after Paddy and while there's lots of talk of replacements the boss was coy when talking about Jermaine Jenas saying "We haven't made an approach, for the moment, for Jenas." Speaking about all the rumours about who we're going to bring in he said "Well, negotiations don't need to be in the newspapers. When we sign the player we always inform you. I feel the club has the right to be quite secret with who they want to sign and where and how."

Lauren talks about the need for defensive stability while Ashley Cole appears to have withdrawn his swallowed his pride and agreed a new deal according to the News of the World. Cole's agent says "I am pleased to say amicable discussions have taken place in the aftermath of a very difficult situation. Both sides are now close to an agreement that could see Ashley remain at Highbury. Perhaps now people will believe there were no secret deals to join another club."

I wouldn't believe that bloke if he recited the alphabet to me but hopefully Cole has come to his senses a little bit. In order to stay he had to sign a new deal and even if it is just so we can sell him next summer then at least the club aren't going to miss out on the big transfer fee we deserve for him.

Beastwatch: Reports in Spain say we've upped our offer to €22m while Sevilla are not letting the grass grow under their feet as they move to sign Albert Luque from Deportivo having already signed Enzo Maresca from Juventus.

Demento on Jose Mourinho's recent comments: "Jose Mourinho has needed just a year to find out what I've been saying for the last seven - that Arsenal do run the game here." What a pair of unholy cocksuckers they are.

David Bentley could join Crystal Palace on loan. Robin van Persie has been given two weeks off by the club to take a rest and get his head together after the ordeal he's been through and is yet to face. And that's yer lot this Sunday. Roasting here. Beach. Later.


July 16th

A quick Saturday round-up for you because I'm working today. Gah! And we're in the middle of a heatwave.

José Antonio Reyes and Gael Clichy have signed new long term contracts, the Spaniard by 6 years while Clichy has extended his contract by 5. It's interesting that we've secured Clichy's future and brought in a new young left back from France. Just saying.

Jose Mourinho is sure Arsene Wenger has a new Vieira in mind. Jose Mourinho also thinks everyone is out to get him and that's he's Jesus.

Beastwatch: Sevilla say they've turned down another bid from Arsenal and that someone else has made a higher bid than us. Our chum del Nido is doing his best to turn this into a saga and it doesn't look like he's going to let Arsenal do a sneaky in-out in 5 minutes job like we did with José. He's just playing around now but what worries me is that Arsenal won't stand for too much of his bollocks and if he's just trying to drive the price up he's playing a dangerous game. Despite some people saying Marca say we've agreed a fee the actual headline on Marca was a quote from del Nido which said "WE HAVEN'T REACHED ANY AGREEMENT WITH ARSENAL OVER BAPTISTA". Most reports seem to think we'll do a deal for the player in the near future, although we've been here before.

My old man bought a second hand Sierra, oooooh Sebastian Viera. Erm. Right. He's from Uruguay (heh) and he's a goalkeeper and apparently we're about to make £4m offer to bring to England.

Pascal Cygan (below the Baptista bit) really ought to put his brain into gear before opening his mouth. Putting to work his world famous soothsaying powers the slapheaded bigmouth said "I can foresee the possibility of Thierry leaving as a result of Patrick’s departure. I’ve heard people say that boss Arsene Wenger wants to sign two international-class players. But if it means losing Pat, what the hell is the point? Patrick will leave behind a huge gap and I don’t see who will be able to replace him."

Yes, why don't we just roll over and fucking die, Pascal, you twat. And even if you do feel like that keep it to your fucking self. Moron. Vieira spoke yesterday after completing his move to Juve and said "One player moving will not change the way Arsene makes the team play or life at the club. A club is more than one player," and that's the message that should be driven home and if Pascal doesn't like he can go fuck off back to France.

Right, that's enough for this unGodly hour on a Saturday morning. It's blogette's birthday today. 14. Jesus. Where does the time go?



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